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Friday, December 4, 2009

The Real Housewife of "I'm a Bitch" County


So I was watching television today and saw about two minutes of The Real Housewives of Wherever the Fuck. Honestly, I was just switching channels and this scene caught my eye. I don't normally waste my precious time watching such mediocre crap on television. I use my boob tube time for important shit like So You think You Can Dance, The Biggest Loser, America's Next Top Model, Top Chef, Survivor and 60 Minutes. Okay one of those is not true, but I will let you guess which one of those things is not like the others. Anyhoo, one of the women was ordering at a cocktail at a restaurant. Not sure of her name or which one she was, but she was blond and had really big fake-looking tits. Does that narrow it down at all? When she ordered, I hated her immediately. I actually grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down what she said:

I'm gonna do a Cadillac margarita but I like it with Sterling Silver with a little bit of Grand Mariner and two fresh limes squeezed in it with soda water and only salt on part of the rim.

Is she for fucking real? Then she bragged about how she likes to order food in a certain way because she is so particular. She calls it particular, while I call it cunt-like. The waitress had a big ol' smile plastered to her face but you know it was only there because she had this fucking reality show camera all up in her ass. I bet as soon as she got to the side stand, she found the skankiest glass she could find to give to the bartender. And then she probably said to the bartender, "this lady is a fucking cunt." And then I bet the bartender took the two fresh lime wedges that she wanted and he dropped them onto the floor before he dropped them into her glass and then when he salted the rim (partially) he used dishwater to adhere the salt and the Grand Mariner was probably just cheap ass triple sec. Because that is what she deserved. Honestly if you need something that specific, make it at home.

I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it did. I could feel the pain of the waitress and I wanted to reach into my screen and pat her on the shoulder and tell her that everything was going to be okay. And then I wanted to cunt punch that "real" housewife because she needs that to happen to her for once. And it would have made great reality television.
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11 comments:

ShellSpann said...

I will admit I do watch that show when I catch it on. It's like a car crash...you don't want to look, but you do!

I used to wait tables/bartend and I felt my right eye twitch when that bitch started ordering her drink. How god damn annoying and picky can you possibly be? STAY HOME if you can't order a normal drink. Make your own god damn drink BITCH! That's what I was thinking ;)

purplegirl said...

"cunt punch" ... LOL

SkippyMom said...

Now I consider Rachel Ray a much nicer person than the "Real Housewife" hoes, but RR's show "$40 a Day" always annoyed me because her tips to the waitstaff SUCKED.

I liked watching what she ordered etc, but she was tipping less than 10% before tax just to make it under her $40 limit.

Not okay. That made me twitch :)

Cielo Gold said...

"She calls it particular, while I call it cunt-like." That is what I call high maintenance. What do you want to bet she waved down her server too instead of patiently waiting her turn.

It's obvious that the people who act like this have never worked in the industry, are the biggest pains in the asses to deal with and aren't very good tippers. Where do these people get off? And they wonder why they get crappy service.

Why is it that the people who cause the most headache and work for servers and bartenders are the crappiest tippers? For these types, there should be an automatic gratuity attached to their bill. Not just to cover their crappy tip, but for the headache of having to deal with them.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

A really good reality show is to take the most demanding customer and have them serve someone exactly like them. Now that would be cool.

dirtydisher said...

I saw that cunt too and I wanted to shove a blender up her GD ass and salt part of HER rim. Bitch from hell. OMG, you are brilliant, I am adding you to my blog roll.

Anonymous said...

That was that VicKie bossy bitch she is a Kunt
with a capital K !

Lauren said...

Hey...just found your blog and you made me giggle. You know I am always nice to people who prepare my food - whether it be in a restaurant or Subway. Did you ever see that movie "Waiting" with Ryan Reynolds. There ya go!!!

Maureen said...

Thought the same thing when I watched that epi. Can't remember if this was the same epi when Vicki the Kunt went to Italy. What a fool! I was embarrassed for America.I waitressed for 20 yrs. Literally, had a breakdown in the middle of dinner rush hour. A kunty woman finally did me in!
Quit the next day and never looked backed. Couldn't handle it anymore.
Too many jerk-offs in the world!

shmedelle said...

Ditto what Dirty Disher said. You are brilliant. I bookmarked you. Some people obviously have never been service workers. Did you here that one of Tiger's sluts said he was a shitty tipper? I believe it. I've gotten stiffed lots from people I know have bucks, and I've gotten generous tips from folks who actually work hard for their money.

dirtydisher said...

I'll bet Tightwad Tiger tips better if you let him shove his putter....nevermind. I'd just spit in his drink, he's not my type.