Children: Stay Out of Restaurants, Please

A restaurant owner in Monroeville, Pennsylvania has come to a realization: that there are plenty of people who will flock to a restaurant if there is a guarantee there will be no kids there. At all. None. Nada. Zilch. On July 16th Mike Vuick proclaimed that kids under 6 are no longer allowed at his restaurant McDain's. Let me raise my morning mimosa to Mr. Vuick. Of course we all know why it's a good idea. A lot of horrible parents don't know how to control their offspring and therefore impose their bratty ass kids into the worlds of people who want nothing to do with children. Look, if you want to take your kid to a restaurant, fine. Just make sure the kids knows it's not at home and it can't scream and run around and draw pictures on the wall with Crayons. Mr. Vuick has the right to have a kid-free environment. He says a person's kid should be the center of their universe but they don't realize that the kid is not the center of the universe. Hear, hear! I want to embroider that on a fucking pillow.

Of course some people in Monroeville are all upset. One mom, Stephanie Kelly, thinks it's an "ignorant decision" and she feels offended and discriminated against. Guess what, Steph. One of the reasons he probably doesn't want your baby in his restaurant is because of what you are doing during the television interview. She is shown pouring a bunch of berries or Cap'n Crunch or something into a big pile in front of her kid. The kid probably gets about half of them into its mouth and the other half ends up on the floor, which is fine when you are the one cleaning it up, Steph. And what about when your one year old wants more berries but you don't have any? He cries and screams and gets all up in the business of the table next to you who may have spent an extra twenty bucks to have a babysitter keep their kid at home.

There are plenty of places where you can take your kid, lady. Most places do not have a ban on children. In fact, I bet the only restaurant in all of Monroeville that you can't take your kid to is McDain's so why not go pretty much any place else? On the flip side, what if I want to go to a restaurant where I know my meal will not be ruined by a kid sitting at the next booth playing fucking peek-a-boo with me? In Monroeville, I would have one option. So let me have it. Take your family elsewhere. Find a place that provides coloring books with the menu and you can order chicken nuggets and apple juice in sippy cups to your heart's content.

And before Anonymous jumps all over me, I know it seems unfair, but I think it's unfair that people who have made a conscious decision to not have kids in their lives are still forced to deal with them anyway. And I also know that it's not the kids I hate, it's the parents who don't know how to teach manners to their children. McDain's will be fine. If they find that business is off, they'll switch back to serving kids and the stroller brigade will once again roll strong. Stephanie will be fine too. If not McDain's, why not McDonald's? Order a Happy Meal and shut the fuck up. (Sidenote to Steph: look into a calcium supplement. You might have a slight case of the hunchback happening.)

What do you think? Is this trend to have kid-free restaurants a good thing or a bad thing? I'd love to hear your comments. Also, I have reached out to the owner of McDain's for an interview regarding how this new policy has affected his business. If I get to interview him, I will post about it. I doubt he'll respond though. I mean, look at what I do.

Click here to Tweet this across the world!

Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.

This Woman Doesn't Tip

There is a new hero in my life and it is a restaurant in North Carolina. I have never set foot in the state before, but I am ready to pack up my humble belongings, throw it into a U-Haul, move my ass to Winston-Salem and get a job at Kanpai Japanese Restaurant. This restaurant did what all servers dream of: they banned a customer named Monica Covington from their restaurant because she was repeatedly a bad tipper. Cue the choir of angels singing the Hallelujah Chorus because this is surely an intervention from the hand of God. I guess after a few times of crap tip, they added an 18% gratuity to her and then she complained about it and the next time she came in they refused to seat her. What I wouldn't have given to be host that day to see the look on her face when they told her to shuffle her ass over to the Burger King for dinner instead. Is she had a hankering for some sushi she was going to have to settle for an Asian Chicken Salad. Of course, she thinks it's an injustice to her so she started a petition demanding fair treatment. Bitch, how about I start a petition demanding that people leave enough money for the servers to tip out the bar and the busser and pay their taxes and still have some left for their pockets? She claims she has always left a good tip, but we know how that goes. She thinks a dollar is a good tip. I'm just guessing, but she might be one of those ladies that leaves Bible verses too. She can't understand why she is singled out. Uh, you were singled out because you suck at tipping and servers were sick of looking at your cheap ass stuffing all you can eat shrimp down your pie hole.

Get over it, Monica Covington. I looked up the stats of Winston-Salem and the population is 185,776. You are a teeny tiny fraction of the population and no one gives a shit about you and your issue. There are three other Japanese restaurants in Winston-Salem. You can drag your cheap ass to one of those places and hope that they haven't put you on the short list of "Bitches To Not Serve." If they also refuse to serve you, may I recommend you get some frozen egg rolls, Uncle Ben's Rice, some chopsticks and start your own damn Japanese restaurants where tips are optional and the food tastes as bad as your wig looks.

Domo Arigato and here's the article.