5 Napkin Burger Might Be An Asshole

In case you haven't heard, New York City was hit yesterday with a bitch of a hurricane named Sandy. The only way you wouldn't know about this is if you live under a rock or a bridge like a skanky gutter troll, so yeah, maybe Springs1 hasn't heard yet. Anyway, it's pretty bad around here. Trees are on the road, there are millions of people without any power and the subways are not running because there is more water in the tunnels than there is in a Jack and Coke at a dive bar. It is a time when you really learn to set your priorities in order like food, water and survival. However, if you are the general manager at 5 Napkin Burger in Hell's Kitchen, your only priority is to get that restaurant back open so you can serve some damn hamburgers!

I was contacted by a reader, who shall remain nameless since we don't want to get him or her in trouble, about an email about their job at 5 Napkin. It was sent by the general manager last night at 8:00 PM, which is pretty much when Sandy was at the height of her bitchiness. It alerted all hourly employees to expect to open the next day. So while buildings were falling apart and tankers were being washed ashore, this asshole was all about "how can I sell some more bacon cheddar burgers." This morning at 11;45, they got another email telling them that since the subways are not running, to take a cab in and they will be reimbursed the money. I was told that this was the same offer given to them during last year's Hurricane Irene and they are still awaiting that reimbursement money.

Hey, 5 Napkin Burger in Hell's Kitchen: have some fucking compassion, assholes. Most of your employees probably don't even have fucking electricity so how in the hell are they supposed to iron their uniforms before they show up to work. Do you really want a bunch of wrinkled servers taking orders today? Maybe some folks didn't sleep last night since there were 90 mph blowing through their apartments but sure, you wanna sell some Lobster Roll Sliders, so by all means force your employees to figure out how to get to work.

It's really a double-edged sword for those if us in the restaurant industry because if we don't work, we don't make money. As much as someone would want to stay home and pump the Hudson River out of their bedroom, maybe they need to go to work so they can make a few dollars to replace all the food in their fridge that is spoiling since the power has been out for 18 hours. Being a waiter isn't like working on salary in an office where if the place shuts down, you'll still get paid. When restaurants close down, we lose money and we don't get a chance to make it up. We can't claim a personal or vacation day because for most restaurant workers, those are as foreign as 401K's and pensions.

Maybe the right thing to do was for 5 Napkin Burger to see how many servers were able to make it to work and how many of them wanted to do so. It's just plain asshole behavior to demand attendance the morning after New York City's worst storm in the history of ever. I get it: 5 Napkin needs to make money. I also get that some servers would want to be there if they could. But there has to be a balance of business and compassion. If your employee says he's not going to be able to make it into work because of a natural disaster unlike anyone proceeding it, then you just have to buck up and say, "Well, we'll do without you, but as soon as you can get back to work, we'll be ready to have you." If the mayor of New York City is telling people to stay home unless they absolutely must go out, I don't think selling french fries is enough of a reason to change his mind.

To my friend who has to go to 5 Napkin today, I'm sorry. I hope you either figure out a way to make it to work or your boss changes his mind. If you do go to work, I hope you make shitloads of tips and if you end up staying at home I hope missing out on another day of tips doesn't put you too far into a hole. And speaking of a-holes: 5 Napkin Burger.

Please share this, so maybe it will make it to the manager at 5 Napkin Burger on Ninth Ave.



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Oh, Sandy. You Hurt Me Real Bad

With all the hype on the East Coast about Hurricane Sandy, I can't help but write about anything else. It does not seem right for me to complain about that bitch who sat in my station the other night and just about how had a coronary when I told her we don't take American Express.

"But what about my points??" she exclaimed?

"What about the barrier islands in New Jersey??" I replied.

Or how can I justify writing about the man who asked for his burger to be "well-done but not too well-done, because I like it cooked a lot, but it's not like I want it burned, you know?" It seems trivial to respond to such an inane request when the future of residents in certain low-lying area of Brooklyn is so unsure.

In the face of the storm, I don't feel comfortable telling the story of that little boy who freaked out that there was bacon in his mac and cheese even though it clearly states that fact on the menu and I assumed that his parents knew how to read. This kid acted like a scorpion had crawled into his diaper and had an orgy with some fire ants. His parents did nothing about the tantrum except tell me they were going to need another round of drinks for them to be able to "handle the kid." So, no, I won't write about that.

What I will write about is how we on the East Coast are dealing with the storm. According to Facebook, almost every friend of mine has stocked up on liquor and junk food. Bottled water? Maybe. Vodka? Yes. Canned soup and tuna? Possibly. Doritos and donuts? Of course. It is 1:00 PM here in Queens and the winds are starting to pick up. The clouds are heavy and the rain is beginning to fall. I am still in pajamas but I might put some clothes on soon to go to the store for another essential need: bacon.

For anyone who is reading this who is in the path of this bitch Sandy, please be careful. Don't take any chances and if you must go outside for something (taco shells, beer, a dog walk...) make sure you watch those tree limbs. Those sneaky bitches are always falling down on someone and messing things up. I leave you with a You Tube clip about the original Sandy: the one from Grease. Below that, you will find a recipe for the Hurricane because if you don't have batteries, you probably have rum.

 

Hurricane Cocktail

Ingredients:

• 2 oz light rum
• 2 oz dark rum
• 2 oz passion fruit juice
• 1 oz orange juice
• Juice of a half a lime
• 1 Tbsp simple syrup
• 1 Tbsp grenadine
• Orange slice and cherry for garnish

Preparation:

1. Squeeze juice from half a lime into cocktail shaker over ice.
2. Pour the remaining ingredients into the cocktail shaker.
3. Shake well.
4. Strain into a hurricane glass.
5. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice. 

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