Buffets are an evil thing. I worked at a place once that had an all-you-can-eat buffet for lunch. It was really popular because people are...

I hate waiting on celebrities. I have not had to do it very often because famous people don't usually come into the places that I have s...

This story happened years and years ago, but it's a goody. I was working in this tourist trap in Times Square in New York City where fo...

I hate when people ask me what to order for themselves. Can't they tell by the blank expression on my face that I don't give a shit...

In the restaurant world, there is something known as a camper. This is someone who stays at their table way too long and then keeps new cus...

So it's been a while since I have blogged. Get over it. Here it is. I have had the good fortune to not wait tables for four weeks an...

If you read the previous posts, you may recall that some bitch left a diaper at the table one day. An honest to goodness diaper rolled up i...

Let me tell you about waiting tables on a patio: it sucks. My restaurant has a patio in the summer and people knock themselves over to get...

Waiting on teenagers is right up there with waiting on French people and old ladies. You have to put forth a lot of effort and you get very...

As you may or may not know, I have absolutely no tolerance for children in my station. It's not that I blame the children, because as a...

As a cater waiter, you get used to being at really crowded parties with people poking at you to get a bite of tuna tartar. I can't stan...

Although most of my wealth comes from waiting tables, I sometimes earn riches by being a cater waiter too. It's a whole 'nother bal...

When I got to work I was told that I would be serving a party of 25 that day. Joy. Rapture. I got it into my head that the people would be...

I want people to read the menu. It's not hard to read the menu and that is exactly what the menu is for. It is not decoration, souveni...

Somehow my restaurant got listed in a French guidebook about New York City. Do you know happy it makes me to know that there are scores of ...

We all know what a "cougar" is. The sexy older women who chases after the younger stud man and calls him her "cub". I ...

We don't care that it is your birthday. Why would a waiter give a cheeseburger's ass crack that it's your birthday? But everyd...

Brunch was busy and full of the usual suspects of women and men who had way too many children. Just way too many. I seriously want to chip...

I am moved to write because today some lady threw her baby into a mega-stroller and rolled it into my station. The baby looked like it was ...

When you wait tables you have to get used to dealing with annoying, idiotic stupid-ass bitches and douche bags because you are surrounded b...

Perhaps you have noticed in previous posts that I hate children in my restaurant. This applies to anyone under the age of 18 and pretty muc...

Sometimes a restaurant runs out of something. It's just like at your house. You may think you have enough Crisco for every possible ne...

I have worked in a couple of restaurants that had their fair share of the Mickey Mouses. And the Ricky Rats. Every place has roaches, that...

So I always feel like waiting tables is something I can fall back on. Not just because it pays so amazingly well and I am so wonderful at i...

I am so fucking sick of hearing that phrase preface almost every single thing that anyone talks about. "Because of the current economi...

Our friendly neighborhood restaurateur, Bruce (of the Douchebags), has graced us with his wisdom once again in the continuation of his list ...

So while doing a little surfing on the world wide internets, I came across this website that is Queen Bitchy of the Bitchy Ass Websites. It ...

I think everyone should be a waiter for six months of their lives. It would make the world a much better place, I just know it. Most peopl...

Table 201 is the winner for most annoying table of the day even though they were only there for about ten minutes. A mother and daughter, n...

So many mothers have this sense of fucking entitlement like she is the first woman to ever push a baby out of her Sweet Potato Pie Hole. It...

Yes, Virginia, waiters really do spit in food. But you have to be a really bad little girl to have that happen to you, so most people are o...

Over the years, I have always worked in restaurants that are open on the holidays. It sucks major Christmas balls. The servers always have...

Sometimes people think that when they come into the restaurant they are in their own kitchen and I am their personal chef for the day. No b...

This lady sat in my booth yesterday and ordered a Diet Pepsi. I told her "oh we only have Diet Coke, is that okay?" thinking that...