You know I love an opportunity to reach out to the readers and respond to comments. It fills my heart with pride to know that people take time out of their busy day of surfing Facebook and playing Words With Friends just to type out a comment to little ol' me. Last week someone let a comment slip out of their ass like a greasy Crisco fart. It plopped onto my computer screen and slid down leaving a trail of oil and bitterness. When I posted the photo below onto the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page, someone named Jarret had a thought.
"Weren't you a kid once? Did you not need help wiping your ass when you were young? How quickly one forgets that youth is a right of passage that everyone has to go through. It could be argued that, it's not the kids that are behaving badly, but it is you who is so jaded and misguided regarding children. Unless you were hatched from an egg or were born an adult, everything you are complaining about was once done by you. Try treating children and their parents with decency and respect and you might find that kids aren't really that bad. Do unto others as you would have done unto you..."
The truth is Jarret, it's a fucking joke. That picture of the little girl in the waitress outfit is not actually in a diner. It's a fucking Halloween costume. I didn't kidnap a child and force her to a photo studio so I could take a picture of her and degrade her with a demeaning caption. I want to dissect your comment and make sure I understand it:
- Weren't you a kid once? Did you not need help wiping your ass when you were young? Yes, I was a kid once but I can assure you I never once bothered people in a restaurant. The reason being that I was never taken to a restaurant as a child. You see, I grew up in an isolated cabin in the woods and my mother had a stroke so we didn't go anywhere. I created my own language based on my mom's fractured ability to speak and all was fine and good until I was discovered by Dr. Jerry Lovell who looked a lot like Liam Neeson. And what the hell does this photo have to do with ass wiping?
- How quickly one forgets that youth is a right of passage that everyone has to go through. You say that as if youth has already passed me by. You're wrong, Jarret. Wrong. Youth is subjective. Fifteen years ago, I thought 45 was old. Now, I think it's pretty young. The right of passage never ends.
- It could be argued that, it's not the kids that are behaving badly, but it is you who is so jaded and misguided regarding children. Me jaded? Seeing that the name of this blog describes me as bitchy, you obviously have a keen sense of stating the obvious. Touché.
- Unless you were hatched from an egg or were born an adult, everything you are complaining about was once done by you. I was not hatched from an egg and that is very rude of you to even imply that my mother was a bird, reptile or duck-billed platypus. Neither was I born an adult, just a very mature child. And what exactly am I complaining about in the photo? All I want is for the little girl to go get me a vodka gimlet. Is that too much to ask?
- Try treating children and their parents with decency and respect and you might find that kids aren't really that bad. I always treat children and their parents with respect. Just this morning in the elevator of our building, I saw the little girl who lives across the hall for me. She used to have very beautiful long hair but today I noticed it had all been hacked off into a very handsome look. I complimented the little girl and told her that she looks way prettier now and that she should go sign up for the girl's softball league and golf team. I also told her parents that their daughter is going to make some lesbian very happy someday.
- Do unto others as you would have done unto you... Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
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