Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day Can Bite Me

Today, August 1st, is Chick-fil-A appreciation day, y'all. It's the day that Mike Huckabee has declared as the day when all the people who stand behind the biblical definition of marriage being between a man and woman, swing down to their local Chick-fil-A and eat a fried processed chicken sandwich. It all just makes so much sense, doesn't it? A few weeks ago, Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy said some bullshit about how he is "guilty as charged" when someone questioned him about his staunch, yet prehistoric, views on marriage. Coincidentally, that was the very same day I happened to be driving by a Chick-fil-A in Houston, Texas and was lured in by the thought of revisiting one of my favorite childhood fast food restaurants. Yes, I ate at Chick-fil-A not more than two weeks ago. Did I know that as I was cramming waffle fries down my throat there was a firestorm brewing about his comments? No, I did not. That was brought to my attention minutes after checking-in on Facebook at the Chick-fil-A, at which time I was attacked by all my friends for supporting such a bigoted company. Yes, I knew they had a history of donating money to pro-traditional marriage organizations but I went anyway. I chose to look the other way. Once I sat down and saw a mother and daughter praying over their tray of chicken nuggets, I knew I should have resisted the urge and gone somewhere else. But it's too late. I ate there, but I won't anymore. I promise this time.

On the other hand, I understand that this is a free country and people can say and do whatever they want. Dan Cathy has the freedom to denounce my marriage but I have the same freedom to get on this blog and call the lady at table 17 a big ho for not tipping me. I guess it all boils down to freedom of speech. He has his opinion and I have mine. It's what makes this country, right?

But as for this Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, there are no restaurants here in New York City so I didn't get to see how it went down. Not that I would protest, really. Again, he has the right to run his business the way he wants to just like I can run my blog and Facebook Page the way I want to. One of my Facebook friends in Texas announced on her wall that she was going to Chick-fil-A today. She is no longer a friend of mine. If you want to be my friend, you have to respect my life and if you respect my life, you don't go to Chick-fil-A today. I can understand if you want to go once in a while. I am "guilty as charged" on that count. But to go to today sorta means that you are specifically against gay equality. I have been with my partner for 21 years.  We have been officially married for four months. I get a lot more out of my relationship with my husband than I ever could out of a chicken sandwich, so I think I will be fine if I never go to Chick-fil-A again. It just does not seem worth it.

So to Dan Cathy, Mike Huckabee and everyone else who thinks that same-sex marriage is an abomination, I would like to take advantage of the free speech that we have in this country and use my blog to state my opinion about you:

Wake up and smell the fucking processed chicken, you stupid hate-mongering bigoted fools. There will come a time when people will look back at this era in our country and wonder what took so long for people to realize that same-sex marriage is no big deal. It only strengthens our country and it has absolutely no effect on a marriage between a man and woman. If my marriage is hurting your marriage, then you are the one with the problem, not me. The longer you hold on to your antiquated beliefs, the more foolish you will appear. It seems that everyone would want to be on the right side of history, but if you want to stay in the dark ages, you go right ahead. Meanwhile, companies who have embraced diversity like Coca-Cola,  JC Penny and McDonald's will reap the financial benefits of encouraging everyone to buy their products instead of just a section of society. Mark my words, someday same-sex marriage will be legal all across the country and when it happens you will see that you should have come to your own decision rather than waiting for the government to do it for you. In the meantime, I embrace the freedom of speech in our country to give you a great big, glitter-coated FUCK YOU.

I hope you will like and share this post, if for no other reason than to get people to see this hilarious video by Randy Rainbow:





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Chick-fil-A Can Choke My Chicken

This most excellent guest post comes from Terry Everton over at Working Stiff Review. I am still on vacation and thankfully Terry has stepped up to the bitchy plate and hit it out of the park. In the past, I too have written about Chick-fil-A. but Terry's piece comes at just the right time. I ate at Chick-fil-A no less than three days ago. The shame I feel is real and deep. Terry has shown me the error of my ways. I will never eat there again.

-BW


Fags are the new Niggers.

Just ask Chick-fil-A.

Like any good fundamentalist organization, the fast food restaurant chain which has openly espoused what it calls conservative Christian values is now cloaking itself in the Bible to take a very public stance against a segment of its customer base. And guess what? They, and apparently Jesus, hate gay people and aren’t afraid to let you know it.
 
In a not-so-veiled stance to serve up hatred disguised as Christian values along with their chicken sandwiches, Chick-fil-A’s president has taken a stance against gay marriage. Chick-fil-A is “very much supportive of the family,” Dan Cathy, president of the popular fast-food chain, said in an interview with Baptist Press. That is, “the biblical definition of the family unit,” he said.
 
According to the Christian Post, Cathy went further during an interview on "The Ken Coleman Show," saying, "I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at him and say, 'We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.'" Cathy was also quoted as saying during the interview, "I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.”
 
Hey Ken…Why don’t you take your Bible and go fuck yourself with it, you ridiculous homophobic hate monger. And you can choke on my chicken while you’re at it.
 
And exactly why do you give a shit in the first place who marries whom and why should it have any context in a fucking minimum wage fast food business environment to begin with? Up to this point you apparently haven’t had any issue accepting money from the gay community when they spend it on your nutritiously-suspect food. It appears you long for a return to the 1950’s when right-wing hatred was in full bloom against the African-American community where anyone who wasn’t a white racist got the privilege of pissing in segregated toilets and riding in luxury accommodations on the back of public buses.
 
So let’s go all in, asshole. Grow some stones and throw all your Judeo-prurient cards on the table, Kenny boy. It’s time for you to set up “Queers Only” ordering lines in all of your restaurants. You should also implement “Fags Only” segregated dining sections where the good ol’ normal folk won’t have to commingle with the gay community while they stuff their pieholes with your grease. And don’t forget about letting your offspring get in on your vitriolic fun! You should immediately set up “Butt Ranger Lynch Trees” on the front lawns of all your stores where anyone from the LGBT community who gets out of line in one of your units will proudly hang by their necks as a symbol of what happens to anyone who dares cross your moral line in the quicksand.
 
The ultimate irony, Kenny, is that you’ve turned out to be the biggest cocksucker of ‘em all.
 
Look, I could give a shit whether you open on Sundays or not. Keep your fucking Sabbath holy if it floats your ark, or whatever the hell that means in this modern day and age. You want to judge the rest of us who have to labor seven days a week, that’s okay with me. But the second you begin offering up sides of ignorance for me to dip my chicken nuggets in, you’ve gone from entrepreneur to full-blown (pardon the pun) prick.
 
Company spokesman Dan Perry had this to say in response to the public outcry over Cathy’s statements: "Chick-fil-A is a family-owned and family-led company serving the communities in which it operates. From the day Truett Cathy started the company, he began applying biblically-based principles to managing his business. For example, we believe that closing on Sundays, operating debt-free and devoting a percentage of our profits back to our communities are what make us a stronger company and Chick-fil-A family." Right, asshole. These community donations include over $2 million alone in 2010 to antigay groups including the Family Research Council and the Marriage and Family Foundation. Congratulations…Your restaurant chain is officially the sort of hate organization the Klan wishes it still had the clout to be.
 
I’d say that I would boycott these grease pits, but I respect the temple that is my body too much to ingest their swill in the first place. I’d further suggest you go fuck yourself, Kenny darling, but I suspect your underused Viagra-kickstarted cock couldn’t reach your asshole even if you stretched it with a medieval penis rack. Instead, how about you make a concerted effort to keep your foot out of your goddamned mouth and like any other decent corporation refrain from serving up a side of Christ with your waffle fries. Do what you do best, and go back to making yourself rich by paying the people who work for you poverty level wages. Just like your Jesus would want, you lame excuse for an oxygen sucker.. - Terry Everton






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Drag Queens ♥ Chick-fil-A

You know I have a love/hate relationship with Chick-fil-A. While I am tempted by their crispy chicken sandwiches sporting the lone pickle slice and the orders of waffle fries I am also torn because of the company's history of supporting anti-gay organizations. But now I have permission to indulge in the chicken and that permission comes from three kick ass drag queens named Willam Belli, Detox and Vicky Vox who say to go anyway. "Don't matter if you're gay, chow down at Chick-fil-A!"

Thank you, drag queens. I feel better now.





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Chick-fil-A Does it Again

I have a love-hate relationship with Chick-fil-A. On the one hand, I love their tender juicy chicken sandwiches with three pickles and no mayonnaise on a tired-ass white bun but on the other hand I hate that they continually donate large sums of money to groups who want to deny gay people their rights as citizens of this fine (uptight) country. Well, Chick-fil-A is in the news again because one of their employees was fired after a blatant case of racism.

At a Chick-fil-A in Southern California, a cashier took an order and instead of asking the two UC Irvine students their names to type onto the receipt, this dumb bitch typed in "Ching" and "Chong." Yes, the two customers were Asian. I guess the stupid ho at the cash register thought that the customers wouldn't notice that there were two racist comments typed at the top of their receipts. Um, hello? Everyone knows that Asian college students can read. If she was going to to go with the stereotype of "Ching" and "Chong" then shouldn't she have gone with the other Asian stereotype that they were smart enough to read? And do math? And play the piano? Of course, the receipts were brought to the attention of a manager and the girl was fired for her insensitivity. My real issue with the receipt is why did "Ching" order an Orange Fanta? Who the fuck drinks Orange Fanta?

The cashier's name was Lia and she made a huge mistake. She was fired for that mistake and here it is just one month before Chinese New Year too. "Honestly, it was just a young person doing something stupid," company spokesman Jerry Johnston told msnbc.com on Wednesday. "Had she simply typed in 'Diesel Dyke' and 'Gay Homo' we would have put Lia on the fast track to career advancement in the world of Chick-fil-A," Johnston continued. "Our Chick-fil-A restaurant Operators and their employees try very hard every day to actually go the extra mile in serving ALL of our customers with honor, dignity and respect except for those customers who choose to live the sinful life of homosexuality. If Lia would have stepped up to the plate, she would have been rewarded handsomely." Instead, Lia was given her severance package of a medium waffle fry and a coupon for a free ice cream cone on her next visit.

Or she could have just used their real names, Lily and Kevin. They are co-captains of the chess team. Lily plays the flute, violin and piccolo and Kevin scored a perfect 1600 on his SAT. They both have a good sense of humor and consider themselves Crazian. They are pre-med while Kevin is double majoring in math. Lily is sometimes embarrassed by her mother who pushes people out of the way to get a seat on public transportation and then talks too loudly on her cell phone.

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The Bitchy Waiter Can Now be a Bitchy Bridegroom

Same-sex marriage has become legal in New York State, making it the most populous state in the country to come to its fucking senses about love and marriage. Earlier this year, I wrote a post about "gay" marriage. Six months later, it's a reality. I truly believe that in ten years from now, most people will be saying "Yeah, what the fuck was the big deal, anyway?" Allow me to repost what I wrote in January because even though it was only six months ago, it is a world away. If and when I get married, we will be registering at this place.

From January 5, 2011:

Forgive me if this post is not about waiting tables, but I must respond to a comment left on this post about Chick-Fil-A. The post was basically about Chick-Fil-A supporting a pro-marriage group that is strictly for heterosexual couples. I understand that they have the right to support whatever they please. My issue is with the dumb ass comment that Anonymous wrote:

Anoymous said... Ithink I'll go there tomorrow & eat.I will be more than happy to go a support a company that stand up for family morals. GOD BLESS THEM!

(I left the poor grammar and lack of space bar intervention to illustrate their point fully.)

Okay. If you are going to go eat at Chick-Fil-A, then by all means do it. But do it because you love their fried chicken patties. Do it because you think their soft serve ice cream tastes like it was squeezed from the teet of an angel. Or do it because their waffle fries make your panties wet. But don't just do it because they "stand up for family morals." Seeing that the original post was about gay marriage, I get the impression, Anonymous, that you think family morals can only happen in a family with a man, woman, 2.5 kids and dog named Rover. Wake up and smell the regular coffee that I told you was decaf because I didn't want to make a whole 'nother pot. For your information, lots of non-traditional families have plenty of family morals. A kid with two dads does not grow up to be a social degenerate any more than a kid who has a mother and a father. I am so fucking sick of stupid ass bitches, cunts and assholes coming down on same sex marriage and my patience is running thin. Here in New York state, it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is legal. Governor Andrew Cuomo has made it a priority. That's right, within a year you may have to hear about two men getting married. That will disgust you more than hearing about a man who left his wife and kids after 15 years of marriage since they are straight and must have the monopoly on family morals. If marriage is so fucking important, I think Anonymous should start a campaign to make it illegal for anyone to get divorced. That way, we can be certain that family morals will be held intact by those who know it best: heterosexual couples. The decline in family morals has nothing to do with gay rights, you know that right? Heterosexual couples have been fucking that shit up for decades. The gays haven't had a chance yet.

Yes, I have been with the same man for twenty goddamn years. In fact, I don't know anyone my age who has been with their husband or wife for longer than that. (Strike that. Shout out to David and Eden!) Believe it or not, we consider ourselves a family. Our little family of three (we have a dog) is just as important as someone who happened to marry someone of the opposite sex and push out some children.

I need to breathe.

Okay, my point is that family morals don't come from one place. They can come from Chick-Fil-A but they can also come from a tiny gay owned business like the The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck. Family morals do not only reside in Christian homes in the the United States. So sure, ask God to bless Chick-Fil-A, but I read the Bible plenty and I am pretty sure that it says that God loves a lot of people. To quote Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol, "God bless us, everyone!" And to that, I add this: fuck you, bitch.

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Born This Way

There is a great blog out there called "Born Gay, Born This Way" and I am thrilled to say that they posted something that I wrote. It has nothing to do with waiting tables, but I hope you will take a minute to go check it out my story. Well, actually, the beginning of my story does have something to do with waiting tables since I was mopping at the restaurant when I thought of what I wanted to write about. (And by the way, does anyone else have to mop their whole entire restaurant before they open? Jeez, I'm getting my measly ass tipped-employee hourly wage to fucking mop a floor? Isn't that why we have bussers and dishwashers? I digress...) Anyhoo, please go to the site if for no other reason to see an actual photo of yours truly. Yes, I have outed myself in more ways than one. It is a blogspot site, so once there feel free to comment on my story so that it can become popular and I can feed my sad and desperate need for attention.

And if you care to read my other thoughts about the gay lifestyle, you can always read about Chick-Fil-A or the day that someone called me a name and I felt the urge to spit in their lemonade.

Love,
The Bitchy Waiter

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I Confess: I Am a Pig

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Why is it that every time I go to Texas, I fall back into my old habit of eating whatever I want and drinking gravy? Muscle memory takes over and my brain thinks it's actually okay to eat bean dip for dinner. Seriously, one night I ate Tostitos and bean dip for dinner. And I enjoyed it too. Blame it on my mom who has Cameo cookies and iced tea for breakfast I suppose. Within thirty minutes of being on Texas soil, my shiny silver rental car drove through a Whatburger. I swear to God I had nothing to do with it. The GPS and the cruise control conspired against my healthy eating habits and force fed me a number seven combo. One day while in Texas, I had a McDonald's McFlurry for lunch. I didn't even know what a freakin' McFlurry was, but I was introduced to it by my niece who recommenced I get the Oreo McFlurry. I did and now I worship at the altar of McFlurry. True, it was a blatant rip-off of the Dairy Queen Blizzard, but I cared not. I ate it for lunch and I felt fine about it. One morning, I drove past my arch nemesis, Chick-Fil-A who I blogged about quite unflatteringly a few weeks ago. As I sat in the Target parking lot trying to decide if I should give them my hard-earned gay dollars, I thought, "what would Jesus do?" And I decided that Jesus would forgive and forget and drive his sandal wearin' ass over for some chicken. And so I did. And it was good. And the lady at the drive thru window didn't seem like a total homophobe at all. She was right nice and friendly.

These four days in Texas saw me consume more Coca-Cola than I normally do in three weeks. I had it for breakfast, lunch dinner and snacks. One morning after brushing my teeth I almost rinsed with it, but thought better and used Country Time Lemonade instead, for that fresh, minty, sugary feel. Someone made chocolate chip cookies and I had about ten of those in one sitting. I drank Coors Light and Michelob Ultra instead of cosmos and I drank these out of cans. Cans, I tell you. Cans that were in coozies. When I was at the airport to come back to reality, I scanned the food court for one last food extravagance. I only had thirty minutes until boarding and my eyes fell upon Schlotzky's Sandwiches. I literally ran to the counter to place my order. I heard my flight being boarded but all I cared about was that ham and cheese on the sourdough bread so I ignored the plea for all customers for flight 351 to go to gate 18. I got my sandwich and inhaled it, along with a Coke and salt and vinegar potato chips. As I waddled over to my gate, I picked some shredded lettuce out of my teeth and patted my belly. Texas was very good to me. My digestive track? Not so much. But I was okay with it. I made myself comfortable in my seat and buckled my seat belt low and tight around my waist and promptly fell asleep.

I woke up only minutes away from New York. When I got out of the airport, the cold air slapped my face and jolted me back to reality. My time in Texas was good on so many levels. I was melancholy but content. Empty but full. Sad but happy. Later, while on the 7 train only three stops from home, two subway performers came into the car and danced. I didn't give them any money because I don't do that, but I knew I was home again. The fast food, the Cokes and my family were all back in Texas. I miss them. My family, I mean, not the fast food. I miss my family. Okay, and I kinda miss Whataburger too.

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Chick-Fil-A a Big Ol' Homophobe?

It's no secret that I have professed my love for all things Chick-Fil-A. I grew up in the south so a trip to the mall was not complete without getting that perfectly fried piece of chicken on a white bun with pickles. No garnish, no condiment, no nothing. Pair that bitch up with some waffle fries and a soft serve ice cream cone and I am one happy bastard. However, it pains me to see in the news that Chick-Fil-A is throwing money and support behind some lame ass pro-marriage (read anti gay) group for some stupid ass conference in February. "The Art of Marriage" is designed to “help couples apply what the Bible teaches about marriage in a powerful way.” And since we all know it's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, that means the gays can all go fuck themselves. Why, Chick-Fil-A, why? Why must you soil your delicious reputation by spreading this lack of inclusion around our country? Can't you see that gay marriage is no more of a threat to heterosexual marriage than the Burger King chicken sandwich is to your chicken sandwich? Some people want to marry another guy and some people want to eat a Burger King chicken sandwich. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you have to be against it, does it? Would I ever eat a Burger King chicken sandwich? No, I don't like them. But I am not going to support an organization that wants to make them illegal either. Let's all live in peaceful marriage and chicken sandwich harmony, okay?

And don't even get me started on the "but the Bible says so" argument. We all know it says plenty of things that people have chosen to ignore like not working on the Sabbath and being stoned too death for adultery what not. Here are some things that are in the Bible that people seem to think are not important:

• Leviticus 19:28 says, “You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.” Wow, this Jimmeny Cricket tattoo might have been a big mistake then.
• Leviticus 19:19 says, “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” So that apron I wear at work? The cotton/poly blend? Sin!
• Mark 10:11-12 says, “And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’” I know a lot of freakin' adulterers then. And so do you.
• Deuteronomy 23:1 says in God’s Word translation, “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.” So I knew this guy in college who lost one of his balls when he was water skiing. He fell and the rope went between his legs and took one of his balls with it. I'm sure it hurt but not as much as his eternal damnation to the fiery pits of Hell.

My point is that just because it says so in the Bible does not mean it has to be the law for the United States in 2011. Chick-Fil-A, if you are so caught up in maintaining the sanctity of marriage, why not throw some of your waffle fries money to make divorce illegal? I get it, you're a Christian based company. You are closed on Sunday (which always sucked when I was a kid because that was my mall day and your ass was always gated up.) But can't you just do what you do best and leave the whole gay marriage thing alone? Get your ass back behind the counter and make some fucking chicken sandwiches and leave the gay marriage thing alone.

In the meantime, I will no longer be your customer. And I hope anyone who reads this will do the same thing. I ban you. As much as I love you, I shall forsake you. You're wrong, Chick-Fil-A. Just wrong.

pp

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Eat More Chicken

My obligatory vacation (A.K.A obli-cation) is still on my mind and since all I did while there was eat out, why not write some more about it? Living in New York City, I very rarely go to fast food places. All of them here seem filthy and disgusting and there are just too many homeless people hanging out in there. I mean, how can I enjoy my number two combo at McDonald's when I'm sitting across from a lady in a trash bag taking a nap? And who can forget that Taco Bell/KFC on Waverly Place that was infested with rats over night? But once my ass gets off a plane in Texas I sniff out the nearest fast-food joint and eat that bitch up. And if it's a place that isn't in New York, even better.

My first fast-food visit was the wonder that is known as Chick-fil-A. I was driving south on Highway 59 not twenty minutes after leaving George Bush (I still-can't-believe-they-fucking-named-it-that) Intercontinental Airport when I spied my fave chicken sandwich of all time. I took the first exit, did a u-turn, wiped the drool from my lip and went in. They were so friendly. So very very friendly that it struck me like a pile of bricks upside my head. A nice lady greeted me and asked me if we wanted a free cup of coffee since it was so cold out. I was definitely not in New York City anymore. I ordered my chicken sandwich with the dry white bun and the pickles on it. I went to get my napkins and straw and find a table when I realized that a Chick-fil-A employee was following me around with my order on a tray. She placed it at the table that I chose and when I was done eating someone else came and cleared my table. These Chick-fil-A bitches were giving way better service than I ever do. It was heaven. I had it again a few days later at a mall and when I sat down with my food in the food court, one of them Chik-fil-A'ers came up and gave me some Purell to clean my hands. So classy. Those two visits were probably my favorite fast food experiences while on oblication. It was way better than the ill-advised trip to Jack in the Box in Wharton, Texas. The place was full of small town folks who looked at me as a real city slicker. I'm pretty sure that the girl who rang up my order was the same girl who is in that movie Precious. I got the spicy chicken sandwich. Compared to my Chick-fil-A, it tasted like ass. But it was still fast-food so it was alright.