Famous People in My Station Last Night

Last night was a trifecta of famous people at work. Many restaurants these days have their employees sign a waiver that keeps them from Tweeting, Facebooking, blogging or Instagramming about their job and the people who eat there. Thankfully, my job doesn't give a rat's ass so I get to spill the beans all over the damn place.

Working at the club, wonderful musicians come in on a regular basis, either to perform there or sit in the audience and have me bring them over-priced martinis. Last night was no exception. The performer was a consummate professional who has been in the business for a million years. She's honestly one of the most amazing live performers I have ever seen and the fact that she is 84 years old makes it all that more impressive. I would tell you her name, but then it would be too easy to look her up and see where she performed last night and the next thing you know, people would figure out where I work and Springs1 would show up at my job to bludgeon me with an empty bottle of Ranch dressing. Anyway, this singer has been around and she holds the record for the most appearances on the Johnny Carson Show. (For those of you who don't know who Carson was, Google it...) Anyhoo, whenever she sings at the club, famous people sit in my station.

1. Kim Cattrall from Sex and the City. She was friendly, gorgeous, sexy and had the nicest smile ever. She looked even prettier than she does when I see her on television. It was a pleasure.
2. Lou Reed. Yes, this Lou Reed. I saw him and I was like, "What the fuck is Lou fucking Reed doing here? Dayum. That shit is crazy."
3. Linda Lavin!!

Okay, technically, Linda Lavin wasn't in my station, but I walked past her once and she asked me for a cup of black coffee and some water. Of course I was more than eager to get it for her, because, well, I kinda love her. She starred in the sitcom Alice and although Flo had all the funny lines, Ms. Lavin's role was the heart of the show. How can anyone who waits tables not love Alice. I wrote a blog post about Linda Lavin several months ago when I went to see her sing. Her show blew me away and after it was over, even though I was standing only two feet away from her, I was too scared to say anything to her. I did not want to let that happen again last night.

After the performance is over, I keep my eye on her for just the right moment to approach her. I hate being that needy fan, but I don't want to regret not telling her how much her show had inspired me. As she slowly inches towards the exit, I see her constantly being stopped by other people. I don't want to join that queue, but it needs to happen. As her hand is on the door to leave, I take my chance.

"Excuse me, Ms. Lavin? I hate to bother you but I must tell you that I saw your cabaret a few months ago and I truly loved it. I just wanted you to know that."

I think my voice is an octave higher than normal which is saying a lot for me since whenever I am on the phone with someone, they always call me "ma'am."

"Oh, thank you, that's very nice," she says.

Oh my God, Linda Lavin is talking to me. Linda Lavin is talking to me. This is it. I have peaked.

"I wrote a story about it and posted it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter."

Oh my God, am I really pimping out my blog to Linda Lavin? Yes. Yes, I am.

At this point, it gets a little fuzzy. Ms. Lavin's eyes light up with recognition.

"Was that you??" she asks as she grabs my hand.

Oh my God, Linda Lavin is holding my hand. Linda freakin' Lavin is holding my sweaty hand. I should have washed them before I came to talk to her because I think they might be sticky. I am about to pass out right here with a stack of check presenters in my arms and credit cards are going to go all over the place but I don't care because Linda Lavin is holding my freaking hand!

"I read that story!" she continues. "I loved it. "You're a very good writer. Thank you."

Oh my God, that's it. I'm done. Linda Lavin didn't just call me a writer, she called me a good writer. Someone hold me, because I am about to fall over and head right up to Jesus. Jesus, look at the menu because I am on my way to take your order and get you a basket of bread, here I come!

I make a conscious decision to let go of her hand so I don't accidentally break her fingers off and stuff them in my apron as mementos.

"Thank you, very much. You just made my night. It's nice to meet you," I tell her.

"It's nice to meet you too," she says.

And with that, Linda Lavin floats off out of my life but will forever be in my memory.

It was a good night to be a waiter. A good night indeed. Sometimes it's nice to realize that the apron I wear allows me moments like the one I had last night. Thank you, apron. And thank you, Linda Lavin.

By the way, Kim Cattrall had a whiskey sour and Lou Reed enjoyed an O'Douls.



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Happy Birthday, Linda Lavin

Happy birthday to Linda Lavin! Since it is such a special day (and I am especially hungover today), I am reposting this story about the time I "met her." Please take a moment to "like" this or share it or Tweet it or whatever the fuck so that maybe she will somehow see it. Thanks.

 -BW

I was at my place of employment this week, but as a patron, not an employee. As you know, I work at a music venue where singers perform as I serve drinks during their show. Sometimes the show is good, sometimes the show is bad and sometimes the show reaches deep into my soul and finds my tiny hardened heart and makes it break a little. I went to see Linda Lavin perform and it really felt like a surreal moment.

Linda Lavin is most known for her iconic role of Alice Hyatt from CBS's Alice that ran from 1976-1985. Of course I loved the show. Most people don't know that she is an accomplished singer and Broadway actress with a Tony award and many nominations including one for her most recent Broadway role in The Lyons. I knew she was a singer because I loved how she sang the opening theme song to her own television show. Ms. Lavin had done a show at my club  years before I worked there and every time I saw the poster of it that hangs in the lobby, it hurt that I had missed it. When I learned that she was doing another show, I was thrilled. Could it be that I was going to get to see this woman in person? The same woman who’s show I watched every week through junior high and high school?  How can this be? And her pianist was going to be the amazing Billy Stritch, so it was like icing on the Bitchy Waiter cake.

I got to the club and was surrounded by famous people who came to see the show just like I did; Diane Sawyer, Mike Nichols, Stockard Channing, Tommy Tune, Sheldon Harnick were all sitting next to me and if I had been at work that night, I would be serving them, but that night I was there to see the show. The lights dimmed and a voice came over the speaker. “Ladies and gentleman...Linda Lavin!” There she was, not five feet from me, smiling and tossing her hair and scanning the crowd to see her friends. “Oh, look at me!” I thought. “I’m right here. Make eye contact with me. Please, no one wants to be here more than I do. Look at me!” She started to sing her first song and then the night began melting away into a fog of sense memory. Her mannerisms were the same as they were when she made a smart remark to Mel. Her smile was as warm as it seemed when she had a scene with her son Tommy. But this wasn’t Alice Hyatt. This was Linda Lavin. And then she sang the theme song to Alice. I know it’s silly, but I started to cry. All of a sudden I was 12 years old again and laughing at Vera with an exploding box of straws and thinking that Alice was such a cool mom and that Flo was so funny. My husband reached under the table and held my hand and it was one of those “I am so grateful” moments that don’t come often enough.  Well, honestly, those moments probably come plenty of times, it’s just that we don’t take the time to acknowledge them.

The next song she sang was one I had never heard of called “The Song Remembers When.”

I was standin' at the counter
I was waitin' for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken in my heart.

She was singing about what I was just thinking; that music has the power to transport you to another time. To this day, whenever I hear the song "I Melt With You" I float back to 1986 when I was in Judith's living room watching a slide show that my best friends in college put together. I can't hear that song without feeling nostalgic, happy, and incredibly sad all at the same time. When she was finished with the song, she verified what I already knew; music can move you. That is "the good of music," she said. It can do that for you and she had just done it for me. She had a lot of wonderful things to say. "Fear is your friend," she said when talking about the nervousness that we all face on occasion and how we have to use that to our advantage. "I love my life," she said. "My life is a big surprise to me." She was so grateful to be there and to be working and she wanted to remind us to all be thankful for the moments that we receive on a daily basis. It was like she was reading my mind. I know she only played a waitress on television, but it was like we were wearing the same apron.

For the rest of the show, I relished every second of it. I was taking in every moment because I knew I never wanted to forget how perfect the evening was. And it all happened because she was performing at where I work. Because I am a server, I knew about this show and got to come see it. Thank God I am a waiter at this club. After the show was over, my cheeks hurt from smiling. I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and went to the lobby. There she was, greeting her guests under the poster of her show from three years before; the same poster that had taunted me. I was scared to talk to her. I had already forgotten her advice that fear was my friend and I walked past her too afraid to shake her hand and thank her for the evening. Why didn't I do that? Several days have passed and I wish would have swallowed my fear and said this to her:

Ms. Lavin, I know you hear this all the time, but I loved Alice. I'm a waiter and you gave the character of Alice such realness. She was never ashamed of her job because she knew that it was just a job and not her life. Alice was a singer who waited tables. I am a writer who waits tables. Thank you. Your show tonight moved me more than you could ever know. I will never forget how happy I felt tonight when you were were talking about how grateful you are for your life and your husband and your career, because I feel the exact same way. Thank you.

It was a very good night indeed. Please "like" this so maybe someday it will make it all the way to Linda Lavin and she'll know what I was too scared to tell her. Thanks.


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Bitchy Waiter ♥'s Linda Lavin

I was at my place of employment this week, but as a patron, not an employee. As you know, I work at a music venue where singers perform as I serve drinks during their show. Sometimes the show is good, sometimes the show is bad and sometimes the show reaches deep into my soul and finds my tiny hardened heart and makes it break a little. I went to see Linda Lavin perform and it really felt like a surreal moment.

Linda Lavin is most known for her iconic role of Alice Hyatt from CBS's Alice that ran from 1976-1985. Of course I loved the show. Most people don't know that she is an accomplished singer and Broadway actress with a Tony award and many nominations including one for her current Broadway role in The Lyons. I knew she was a singer because I loved how she sang the opening theme song to her own television show. Ms. Lavin had done a show at my club  years before I worked there and every time I saw the poster of it that hangs in the lobby, it hurt that I had missed it. When I learned that she was doing another show, I was thrilled. Could it be that I was going to get to see this woman in person? The same woman who’s show I watched every week through junior high and high school?  How can this be?

I got to the club and was surrounded by famous people who came to see the show just like I did; Diane Sawyer, Mike Nichols, Stockard Channing, Tommy Tune, Sheldon Harnick were all sitting next to me and if I had been at work that night, I would be serving them, but that night I was there to see the show. The lights dimmed and a voice came over the speaker. “Ladies and gentleman...Linda Lavin!” There she was, not five feet from me, smiling and tossing her hair and scanning the crowd to see her friends. “Oh, look at me!” I thought. “I’m right here. Make eye contact with me. Please, no one wants to be here more than I do. Look at me!” She started to sing her first song and then the night began melting away into a fog of sense memory. Her mannerisms were the same as they were when she made a smart remark to Mel. Her smile was as warm as it seemed when she had a scene with her son Tommy. But this wasn’t Alice Hyatt. This was Linda Lavin. And then she sang the theme song to Alice. I know it’s silly, but I started to cry. All of a sudden I was 12 years old again and laughing at Vera with an exploding box of straws and thinking that Alice was such a cool mom and that Flo was so funny. My husband reached under the table and held my hand and it was one of those “I am so grateful” moments that don’t come often enough.  Well, honestly, those moments probably come plenty of times, it’s just that we don’t take the time to acknowledge them.

The next song she sang was one I had never heard of called “The Song Remembers When.”

I was standin' at the counter
I was waitin' for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken in my heart.

She was singing about what I was just thinking; that music has the power to transport you to another time. To this day, whenever I hear the song "I Melt With You" I float back to 1986 when I was in Judith's living room watching a slide show that my best friends in college put together. I can't hear that song without feeling nostalgic, happy, and incredibly sad all at the same time. When she was finished with the song, she verified what I already knew; music can move you. That is "the good of music," she said. It can do that for you and she had just done it for me. She had a lot of wonderful things to say. "Fear is your friend," she said when talking about the nervousness that we all face on occasion and how we have to use that to our advantage. "I love my life," she said. "My life is a big surprise to me." She was so grateful to be there and to be working and she wanted to remind us to all be thankful for the moments that we receive on a daily basis. It was like she was reading my mind. I know she only played a waitress on television, but it was like we were wearing the same apron.

For the rest of the show, I relished every second of it. I was taking in every moment because I knew I never wanted to forget how perfect the evening was. And it all happened because she was performing at where I work. Because I am a server, I knew about this show and got to come see it. Thank God I am a waiter at this club. After the show was over, my cheeks hurt from smiling. I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and went to the lobby. There she was, greeting her guests under the poster of her show from three years before; the same poster that had taunted me. I was scared to talk to her. I had already forgotten her advice that fear was my friend and I walked past her afraid to shake her hand and thank her for the evening. Why didn't I do that? Several days have passed and I wish would have swallowed my fear and said this to her:

Ms. Lavin, I know you hear this all the time, but I loved Alice. I'm a waiter and you gave the character of Alice such realness. She was never ashamed of her job because she knew that it was just a job and not her life. Alice was a singer who waited tables. I am a writer who waits tables. Thank you. Your show tonight moved me more than you could ever know. I will never forget how happy I felt tonight when you were were talking about how grateful you are for your life and your husband and your career, because I feel the exact same way. Thank you.

It was a very good night indeed. Please "like" this so maybe someday it will make it all the way to Linda Lavin and she'll know what I was too scared to tell her. Thanks.

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Betty, Please, There's a New Girl in Town!

Today is October 15th. Or at least it is as I start typing at 11:45 PM on Saturday night. By the time I finish typing, it will be tomorrow but right now I am speaking of October 15th. It is the birthday of two very different women who have influenced me my whole life and nurtured me to be the kind, caring soul that I am today. One of these fine ladies gave me my sense of humor which some say is dry while others say is witty while still others say is completely non-existent. (I'm looking at you, Anonymous.) The other women gave me sense of drive and passion to put on an apron several times a week along with some sensible shoes and sling hash to make a living. Today is the birthday of both Penny Marshall and Linda Lavin, or as I know them, Laverne DeFazio and Alice Hyatt:



How is it that one simple day can produce two such iconic women of television? They weren't born in the same year, but still. The only way this day could have been any grander was if it was the birthday of Florence Henderson, but her birthday is February 14 making her not only my Valentine, but everyone else's too. Anyhoo, Penny Marshall used to make me laugh out loud on Tuesday nights when I would watch Laverne and Shirley with my two brothers. My favorite moment on the show was when the girls were were working in a diner. I don't rememeber why but it must have been because of a strike at the Shotz Brewery or something. Laverne was the fry cook and Shirley was the waitress. Anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant can watch this scene and recognize how quickly you can go from being in the zone to being in the weeds. Happy birthday, Penny Marshall:




And then we have Linda Lavin who the world knows as Alice. It's no secret that I have a major hankering for her co-waitress Flo, but let's give Alice some love. There she was stuck in Phoenix, Arizona because her station wagon broke down on the freeway on her way to Hollywood to become a star. But instead of getting her car repaired and continuing onward with her dream, she got a job as a waitress at Mel's Diner and stayed for nine years. Isn't that how it happens to so many of us who spend years and years with a tray in our hands? We're all, "I'm an actor who waits tables" or "I'm a writer who waits tables" and before you know it life is looking at you saying, 'Uh, you're a waiter, dude and I want my burger cooked medium-well." Bravo to Alice for showing us all what it's like to give up on your dream of singing and learn to accept the important things in life: your teen-age son, your friends, your job, and that stupid postman named Henry who always complains that Mel's cooking is so bad but comes in every goddamn day anyway. Happy birthday, Linda Lavin:


I know that by the time you read this, it will be October 16th and it will now be the birthday of other amazing women like Suzanne Somers and Angela Lansbury. Yes, it is true, both of these grand dames were born on October 16th. Is October like the coolest month for birthdays ever, or what? Happy birthday to Suzanne here and to Angela here. I must rest. All the awesomeness of these cool ladies is too much for my weary fingers tips.



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