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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Deciding is hard (for stupid people, that is)


I hate when people ask me what to order for themselves. Can't they tell by the blank expression on my face that I don't give a shit that they are in my station, let alone what they put into their pie hole? It's one thing if they ask me which is better, the french toast or the pancakes. Those are two similar items and maybe I do have a preference. I will tell them the french toast is better. It is also $1.75 more than the pancakes and if they order french toast I don't have to bring butter to the table like I do with pancakes. What I can't stand is what this lady did to me a few weeks ago. She looks up at me with these wannabe puppy-dog eyes and pouts her lips and says in a baby voice, "I don't know what to get." "Then I will be back later," I say. I scoot off because I don't want to stand there while she juggles every possibility on the menu. When I finally meander back to her table she asks all baby voiced, "which one do I want? The frittata or the french toast?" Okay, these are two completely different items. And don't forget, I don't care. Especially since they are the same price. I tell her to go with the french toast because if she orders the frittata then I have to ask her what kind of dressing and toast she wants with. "Oh, but I kinda want the frittata." Then get the frittata. "But the french toast sounds so good." So get the french toast. "Oh...I dunno...(in a fucking baby voice)." Get both so you can stuff one in your face and the other up your vag, I don't care.

What have we learned from this post? We know that customers are the only ones who should be deciding what they will order. The waiter doesn't care and if he says he does, he is lying. Or has ulterior motives. Make a decision. Order it. Eat it. Pay for it. Leave a tip. Get out.


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9 comments:

grumpyserver said...

Hi.
I found this blog through another blog, through another blog, thorough another blog...you get the gist. Anyway, it's pretty funny. I am a server too and am pretty bitter, though not as bitter as you. In fact, I wish you worked where I work so people wouldn't call me bitter anymore. I digress. I've read the archives and am awaiting another hilariously bitter blog full of tales of the truly moronic and socially inept.

p.s. When people ask if we have something that we don't have I usually just say we only have what's on the menu. It works, give it a whirl.

watchyalookinat said...

I died at, "stuff one in your face and the other up your vag..."

brit said...

Or my favorite: "Can I get you guys another pitcher of beer?"
"Surprise us!"
"Nahhhh... how bout I get you another pitcher of what ever it is your drinking."
"Noooo, we're bored with that... surprise us!"
"Sure thing" Newb. Blue Moon it is.
Blue Moon is $19.99 a pathetic pitcher at my location. Maybe next time they'll let me know they want another pitcher of Coors. $11.99.

Justthe said...

"Get both so you can stuff one in your face and the other up your vag, I don't care" - LOL classic line ;)

I think being a waiter in other countries might be different if the pay/tipping thing is different. I mean in the UK i worked in a cafe and didnt get tips.

Masquerade said...

Bahah I love you already. Your link is MINE. ;)

Masquerade said...

Also, I love it when people say 'surprise me' because I generally pick one of the most expensive items on the menu.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

People whenever they ask me to choose they will pick the opposite so I try to choose the most expensive one anyway but then they always go for the cheaper ones. Really they choose I think by their pocketbook. I want to add yours to my blogroll.

purplegirl said...

I love this kind of shit. "What should I get, Dry Diet Chicken Dish or Dry Diet Fish Dish? Oh, or what bout Dry Diet Salad?" I don't know, you twit! Order a fucking cheeseburger!

Maryann said...

Ha! My husband totally does this, and it annoys the FUCK out of me.

I've never had the PLEASURE of working in a full dining establishment (please note the word pleasure), but worked in a coffee shop and really hated questions like "which coffee is the best?" or "which drink do you recommend" - I mean, I happily gave it to them but seriously?

Ask another customer.