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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Getting Well Soon

So you may have noticed that I have not written for a while. Maybe you didn't notice and that's okay too. Contrary to popular belief, it is not because I am lazy and complacent. Well, that may have been part of it, I freely admit. However, the main reason for the lack of posts is because I was busy healing. Uh huh. Doctors went all up in me and cut my ass up. There was an operating room, surgeons and blood involved. Don't be skeered, kids. It was minor surgery involving my septum and its deviance. It was not sex reassignment surgery as someone has suggested. Hopefully I will soon be able to breathe freer and easier. Years and years of mouth breathing shall soon come to an end. Minor or not though, that shit freaked me out and for the week before it happened, it was all I thought about. Feel free to comment with a "get well soon" or "hope you're better" or you can always just
click here if you really want to make feel better.

I return to work tonight after a week of channel surfing, soft foods and Vicodin. The doctors tell me that I should take it easy for about two weeks to not encourage bleeding. And, really who ever wants to encourage bleeding? That translates to:

  • do not carry any ice
  • do not carry any racks of glasses up or down a flight of stairs
  • do not carry a tray of more than three drinks
  • do not prepare your own spinach/artichoke dip; ask a host to do it
  • do not tolerate idiocy from any guest
  • walk slowly and if someone tells you they are in a hurry, tell them "fuck off, I just had goddam surgery."
  • avoid all sidework
  • get to work 15 minutes late and leave 15 minutes early
  • ask for double time, overtime, holiday pay and hazard pay
  • do not smile, it may hurt your nose
  • mention to your guests that you had surgery and hope for some pity tips

More posts to come soon, I promise.


Ariadna said...

Ohh so bad :( take care and get well soon!!! (see, not bitchy at all)

Anonymous said...

GET WELL SOON and Feel Better! Yes, telling them "Fuck off, I just had goddamn surgery" is MANDATORY and shall not be neglected! Way to go. Take care, really.

purplegirl said...

I had that surgery a year and a half ago--they repaired my crazy deviated septum and my resected my giant turbinates; they removed a concha bullosa from one turbinate and washed everything out; and there was a plastic surgery involved too to graft a piece of septum cartilage on to the bridge of my nose to form a sort of internal BreatheRight strip. As bad as all that sounds, I didn't have that much pain--or at least not more than vicodin could handle. And it really, really helped. It'll take a while for all the clotting and scabbing to clear out, and a while longer to start to breathe through your nose naturally--but it is totally freaking worth it. Rest up, feel better, and don't forget to do your sinus rinses. :)

megaphon said...

I would know a situation in which you would PRAY for some bleeding to happen, but you would have to have that sex correction operation thingie to feel like that...! ;-)

HG Brit said...

Get well soon!