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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Yum-O, Delish, EVOO, BITCH

I often think of things that I want to write about but the idea may slide into a hidden recess of my brain and never resurface again. It sometimes takes a posted comment from someone else to jolt my memory and recall the topic. A shout out to Lorinda who reminded me that I need to write about that cheap gravel-voiced hag known as Rachael Ray. What person in the food service industry is unaware of her infamous show on The Food Network, "$40 a Day?" The bitch may have been able to eat her way across the country on a shoestring budget but she never left the servers enough money to go to Payless to buy a shoestring of their fucking own. Bitch is cheap.

The premise of the show was that she could eat three meals and a snack in one day in various cities and do it all for under $40. Of course her breakfast sometimes consisted of a lone muffin and tap water and her dinner would be a single appetizer but she always managed to make it under $40. Coming under budget was helped by the fact that she never left a server anything close to resembling a decent tip. If I didn't tip my servers, I could save a shitload of money too. But I tip. It's waht you do when you eat out. Rachael used to be a fucking waitress too, so you would think she would have some empathy for servers, but all that mattered to her was that she make it under budget and that she comes up with some new annoying catch phrase. Delish! Yum-o! I swallow! Maybe she should have just changed the name of the show to "$45 a Day" so she could factor in a tip. Or call it "I have Vocal Nodes and Polyps and Don't Give a Shit About Waiters."

I watched this show at the beginning of Rachael's career and it was before she started gargling with gravel and I could tolerate the sound of her voice for more than two minutes. Nowadays her throat sounds like it has a piece of glass wedged in it. Somebody please give this bitch a piece of bread to swallow. Maybe if she would just shut the fuck up for a couple of days her vocal chords could take a breather and repair themselves. But she is too busy publishing cookbooks, selling Dunkin' Donuts, filming her thirty bejillion different television shows, creating pet foods, and marketing kitchen crap. She sells a bowl to put garbage in. It costs $32.99. Seriously, bitch? I have something I put garbage in when I cook and it's called a plastic grocery sack from Met Foods. It works great. Try it.

If anyone ever bumps into Rachael Ray (and when I say "bump into" I mean with your car while going 40 mph) please tell her that the Bitchy Waiter said hello. And that he hates her.



pixienighingale said...

How about 50$ a day, it's still catchy, it's still not that bad - she could eat an actual entree or something!

And tipping, of course, because I could totally handle 50$ a day on vacation.

dirtydisher said...

She can shove her "shtoop" up her no tipping butt.

Kiki :) uggh I can't stand her ! said...

She's a stupid bitch selling an overpriced bowl
to put scraps in WTF?! I love your reference
to doing what we all do reuse plastic grocery
bags to put our trash in. She's insulting with
her more money than brains attitude IMO. Kiki :)

Anonymous said...

My sister scored tickets to her show back in January of 2008. We traveled by Amtrak from Philly to New York, it was very exciting to us. Once we got there, via Amtrak and cabs, they treat the people pretty shabby. You wait in line forever before they let you in this crappy looking building, OK, it gets better when you get into the actual studio. They give you a bagel and a bottle of water and/or coffee for standing outside for several hours. We learned from listening to the people in line that they were "professional" moochers. Trying to get free gifts etc. My sister and I were totally turned off and will not pull off a caper like this again. It sucked.

Krissy said...

Please note that Rachel is not an actual chef. She's just some chick that got lucky and landed a million cooking shows.

Her catch phrase "EVOO" and "Yumm-o" are the most annoying words to ever roll off her lips.

And who ever thought that a good premise for a show would be to watch someone TV eating out at restaurants would be a good idea? Who ever thought of that needs to be fired immediately!

mb said...

I hate children and rachel ray are my new BFF,
and i have 2 kids,.i trained my eldest to bus tables at 8 years old, she took her first 5 $ tip and went and sat at the bar..ahhh memories
she now bartends for life in philly,,parenting,..job done

kayla.rose said...

I'm not American - I live in NZ - and it took me for-fucking-ever to figure out what the hell she was talking about whenever she said EVOO. Just call it olive oil. Like every other person that ever used it. And my GOD she cooks some junk -- do all Americans eat like that? Today she put mac and cheese on a burger. MAC AND CHEESE. ON A BURGER. AND THEN SAID TO MAKE IT HEALTHY, SERVE IT WITHOUT THE TOP OF THE BUN. That's not healthy, that's a coronary on a plate.

KDog said...

What's up BW!!! I'm from upstate NY where Rachel Ray is from, and that woman makes me insane (ok, more insane). The sound of her voice and those god damned catch phrases make me want to strangle her. Her husband used to come into the restaurant that I worked at for take out and he is just as much of a douche as she is, maybe more. He doesn't tip well either. Word at the local grocery store is that she is a pain in the ass there as well and requires personal assistance from the produce department to make sure she gets the freshest ingredients. She probably doesn't even thank them. If by chance I ever run into her, I'll make sure to tell her that the bitchy waiter thinks she sucks, and so do I.

Smoofmom said...

If I ever run into her, I'll make sure I'm driving a car. :)b Samatt

Jaseki said...

This woman represents the ultimate in white trash cookery. Friggn talentless. GTFO

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

What a sick bitch.

Late to the party but vindicated said...

I've been in the Food Service Industry for some time, bachelor's in Culinary Arts, jumped through the hoops, blah blah blah...and I've seen some pretty bizarre and idiotic things but this lady is bonkers! She makes those of us in the industry, both front and back of the house, look terrible to those that aren't aware she has no formal training and just piles a bunch of shit up and slaps a goofy label on it. Years ago, while I was a still a student, she was begining to get popular and infecting young minds with terrible techniques. Nearly every instructor laughed at the mere mention of her name and the ones that weren't snickering said, "Racheal who?" Friends and family would ask me if I used her "recipes" and cookware, as I sunk my head in shame and tried to swallow the stone in my throat (just like the one in the throat of that joker-faced bobble-head) I would try to explain to them how irrelevant her (shrug) entertainment thing was to how things are properly executed in a restaurant and to disregard anything informative she may vomit on set. I used to have such horrible feelings towards her but now I'm moved in neither direction. The damage has been done and is irreparable. I do still giggle when someone pretends or believes to know what they are talking about and then refers to Mrs. Ray as anything more than capable of chewing gum and walking around simultaneously. Simple point said long, the lady is a joke and should only be taken as for entertainment purposes only (if having your brains run out of your ears is entertaining). I can not stress that enough. That's just my perception and nothing more. "Why so serious!..."