But how can I earn the respect and gain the attention of my boss so my picture can be in that frame now? I mean other than doing a great job, being to work on time, no more leaving early, no longer drinking in the sidestand, finishing my sidework and quitting bitching. I think the best way to show what a great employee I am is to let my customers tell him for me. Since that would only happen if I actually impressed them, there has to be another route. Allow me to introduce to you, my good friend Yelp. Yelp is a wonderful website that allows people to review restaurants so you can check out what you are getting into before you get into it. It is also a great place to log in, create a fake account and praise the hell out of yourself so your boss sees how amazeballs you are.
Many moons ago, before the invention of the Internet, I wrote a letter praising my service and sent it to my friend in Georgia who then mailed it back to my restaurant manager. It got me a $50 gift card to TGIF's and the respect of my co-workers. But why bother with a stamp when you can do it all online? Just log into Yelp and find your restaurant. Read some of the other crap reviews and then devise one of your own. Here is a sample. Feel free to cut and paste:
I loved (name of your restaurant) but I loved my server even more! The food was wonderful and the decor was fine but what made my experience practically orgasmic was the attention given to me by (your name here). It was as if he/she had ESP and knew what I was going to ask for before I even knew I needed it. (Your name here) was always there for me whether it was extra napkins, answering a question or just a dazzling smile. On top of his/her service I must mention the uniform. It was neatly pressed and in perfect shape-no stains or a dirty apron like at so many other restaurants (you can add a name of a competitor if you want to, but it's really all about you so who cares?). The service was top-notch without being too clingy or needy. Perfect, perfect, perfect. This server deserves a pat on the back, a raise and a $150 American Express gift card STAT, lol! Kudos to (your name here)!
If you want to kill two birds with one stone, you can add this part about the least favorite person you work with:
The only issue I had all night was with another server named (insert enemy's name here). I asked her once for more water and she told me "you're not in my station." I was horrified that someone could be so rude, so lazy and have such an odd body shape. Her head is clearly too big for the rest of her body and it's very disturbing. And is that a hump on her back? What the hell? I happened to be in the restroom when (enemy's name here) was doing a very noisy number two and she did not wash her hands when she was finished. I also know she didn't even bother to wipe because I was in that stall first and left it when I saw no toilet paper. She is a horrible person. The only thing that erased the memory of that skank ho, was my experience with (your name here). Thank you (name of restaurant)! I will be back as long as I can sit in (your name here)'s station and that other server is either fired, asked to remain in the kitchen or sent back to the SPCA from which she came.
Once you are done, click submit and then just wait for the praise. (For the record, I have not ever done this because my bosses would see right through it and call me out on it in a second. Okay, I totally did do it. Once. No, I'm just kidding, I haven't. But I did. Not really.)