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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Offended by a Butter Packet

Times are hard out there with the economy being what it is, and restaurants are having to find new ways to make more money. I get it. Tomatoes are more expensive so you can't be giving out that free chips and salsa like you used to do, fine. Surely there are people out there who try to make a whole dinner out of that free basket of chips and it's time to start charging Freddie Freeloader. However, I went for breakfast last week and when I saw a certain charge on my check, I was very surprised. Who in the hell charges for butter? Cheap ass bitch restaurant owners who think I want to eat a fucking dry ass scone, that's who.

The cafe is a place I have frequented many times. The waitress was sweet and efficient and I don't blame her for anything, but it pissed me off. I ordered a cranberry scone and yes I wanted it toasted and buttered. Doesn't everyone? Who would order a scone any other way? That's like ordering toast and being asked if I want it to be toasted. “Yes, I want it toasted. If I didn't want it toasted, I would have asked for bread.” I was not told that butter would be an upcharge, but there it was on my check: fifty cents. It's not like I asked for a scone dipped in gold or sprinkled with diamonds. I just wanted some goddamn butter. I paid the bill without bitching about it, but mark my words: I will never go there again. Fifty cents for butter? I was so angry that oleo was dripping from my ears. (Full disclosure: it wasn't oleo, it was vodka. And It wasn't dripping from my ears. It was seeping from my pores.)

I have never ordered a case of butter packets but I am pretty sure that a box of butter packets comes in a quantity of 300. That means that Greedy McGreed Greed is making $150 on every box of butter packets when he probably paid about$7.38 according to a Sam's Warehouse website. That is margarine madness, I tell you! Mr Cafe Owner, I am ashamed of you. And Paula Deen is even more upset because charging that much for butter is a down-right sin.

I left the cafe after resentfully paying the additional fifty cents but here I am days later still pissed off about it. If I was teenager, I would want to go egg his store but since I am a fully grown mature adult, what I will probably do is go to his restaurant one night and smear the windows with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. That would be much more apropos for the situation, don't you agree? Have you ever cleaned butter from a pane of glass? Yeah, me either but I bet it's a pain in the ass.

I understand that the cafe owner has to make ends meet, so I offer these other suggestions for him to earn some extra cash:

  • He can add a "Baby Tax" to all those who come in with a child. More than once I have gone in there only to be surrounded by strollers and moms so why not take advantage of those breeders and tack an extra five bucks on them?
  • He could always order some cheap ass silicone bracelets and then charge $3.00 for them.
  • Charge extra for things that people are used to paying extra for like cream cheese and bacon, not butter. Butter is expected.
  • If he really wants to make some extra money on the butter, he could invest in some butter-flavored lip balm so people can rub it across their scone and then take it home with them when they are done.
  • Just raise the price of the fucking scone so I don't see what a cheap ass you are by charging me fifty cents for butter, you tight wad twat.

If you'll excuse me, I am going to go to my fridge now and tell the sticks of butter how much I love and appreciate them. Has anyone else seen a restaurant that charges for butter on toast or a scone? C'mon, say it ain't so.

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Anonymous said...

I've never seen that but, IN THIS ECONOMY, I won't be surprised if we see it more and more. What this restaurant did wrong was SURPRISE you with the charge.

I agree wholeheartedly, I'd rather pay $3.00 for a buttered scone than $2.50 for a scone and $0.50 for butter.

Don't go back there.

Anonymous said...

Absolute bullshit! What's next? Charging for sugar packets and ketchup? Actually the sugar idea isn't bad. Parents wouldn't let junior fuck with the sugar caddy if they had to pay 50 cents for each packet he touched.

Anonymous said...

Well My boss charges 27 cents for water, tap water...and we charge for extra dressing, tomatoes and so on. We don't charge for lemons, unless you ask for lots of them.

Julie Baker said...

I recently was charged for ordering a drink frozen instead of on the rocks. I found that highly desturbing, did I pay for them having a blender or for the electricity used or both? STUPID NONSENSE!

Some Sort of Fairy said...

Agreed on the ridiculousness of the butter up-charge, but I don't think people have quite gotten "used to" getting charged extra for cream cheese, if 3 years in a cafe taught me anything. I had to ask if they wanted any every time, because they would assume it came on the bagel automatically, and throw a fit when they came up and asked for some and I charged them.

I've noticed that bagel chains sometimes charge for butter but gloss over it by pricing "bagel," "bagel with cream cheese," and "bagel with butter" separately. Sneaky, sneaky.

lee said...

i guess we need to start bringing our own butter. and extra ranch dressing. and tap water.

heck, i'll just stay home and eat! or find a cafe where the owner isn't such a cheap ass.

lee said...

i guess we need to start bringing our own butter. and extra ranch dressing. and tap water.

heck, i'll just stay home and eat! or find a cafe where the owner isn't such a cheap ass.

Mary A. said...

I bet they charge extra for salt on the margarita glass too.

Know who would throw a fit if he saw this? Robert Irvine, the hot body chef on my very favorite show: Restaurant Impossible aka I get to look at Robert Irvine's pecs and abs for an hour while he yells at people.

You two should do a show together. I'mm calling the food network RIGHT NOW

Cat M said...

Napkins will be next for the extra charge list.

Rince said...

Well, fast food restaurants only provide condiments by request anymore. And I'll admit it, that's probably my fault. I'm a ketchup addict. 2 packets of ketchup for my Big Mac AND my Supersized fry? I don't think so!

My restaurant does not charge for butter or most other sauces, although, goddammit, if you ask me for more than 4 ramekins of ranch, your ass IS getting charged. Fucking ranch.

We charge $.50 per 2oz bullet of sour cream and guac. We also charge $.50 per 2oz of our "special sauce". That's it. Never been somewhere that charged for butter. :-O

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous. I don't blame you for not going back, neither would I! Wow.

And I agree - charge me $3 for a scone/bagel/toast including the butter - not $2.50 for a scone with a .50 cent packet of butter.

The mark up on that is insane.

Anyway you could let us know which restaurant this is? I think a few well placed "Yelp" reviews might get the owners attention - I will happily rave about the service but will bitch high & low about the charge for butter.

I wonder what else he charges for.

Maria said...

Mary A ~ I love Robert Irvine, too -- but you forgot to mention his tight little ass in your list of hot body parts. :)

Agreed that Robert and The Bitchy Waiter would make a great team. Make it happen!

Wyldethangs said...

Most cafeteria style restaurants charge for butter but last I remember it was more like 25 cents. Course I havent been in one in awhile either. This has been going on for well over 25 years that I can recall... maybe longer.

Anonymous said...

It's not the economy, it's BULLSHIT. What a cheap moron. I would write a letter to the manager. It's absolutely INSANE to charge for a condiment. My $.02.

Circe said...

I would only pay extra for butter if I got to lick it off R. Irvine's chest. I too will now go to my fridge and show adoration for my butter. On a related note, does it bug anyone that we have to pay extra for a poached egg?

Circe said...

I'm going to dream of licking butter off R. Irvine's chest tonight, and that would be the only way I'd pay extra for butter. I get the cream cheese, and even tomatoes, but butter?! No way! I'll stay home and wallow in butter, thank you. And I'll poach my own egg too.

megaphon said...

Yes to most of the things, article, comments and all.

But folks, you need to get used to paying for stuff. Really.
In other countries, like here in Germany, everyone is used to paying extra for stuff like ketchup packets, cream, vegan varieties, "babyccinos" (don't get me started), extra large etc.

And that's okay, because these things didn't magically appear out of thin air!
Someone is paying for them.

Sometimes it's the restaurant owner.
Sometimes a person from third world countries.
Sometimes it's a dairy farmer.

Dairy has become really expensive because of the draught this summer.
I bet the extra 0.50 for butter are a temporary solution.

Sometimes I really can't wrap my head around how so many Americans feel entitled to free bread baskets, free refills, free wifi...
Things aren't free.
If you're not paying, someone else is.

Jadey said...

Lol where I worked (Past tense thank God) With their salads we would be only allowed to give them a smidgen of ranch, not enough for anyone let alone the Ranch Monsters, then charge them for more. Icouldn't bring myself to do it, it was so damn stupid!

anne marie in philly said...

I worked in a cafeteria while I was in college. the first butter was free, each additional was $.02. this was 40 years ago.

yeah, charge extra for the scone and toss in da buttah!

chacha1 said...

@ Megaphon, I kind of agree. The U.S. has become the land of I Should Get Something for Nothing, without regard for circumstances. As fat as Americans are, and as much food as we waste, we are in no moral position to demand free bread, free chips, free whatever.

That said, the $2.50 scone with 50 cents for butter is insulting.

How about this: if someone goes into a full-service restaurant and all they order is a pastry, add-ons like butter or cream cheese are in fact upcharged. If you're at a coffee shop that doesn't do plated food, then the scone is priced out to include butter.

And THAT said, any upcharges need to be very clearly marked on the menu and stated by the server. The injury to the insult is the surprise factor.

Shannon said...

I went to Dunkin' Donuts today - they charged me .25 for whipped cream. I assume this is to make up for the stoner employees doing whippits in the walk-in.

Snarkula said...

Are you fucking KIDDING ME!? Charging extra for BUTTER!? For a SCONE!? This is not Germany, this is the USA, and we had damn well better get some damn butter on a scone. It comes with it! Charge $3 then! A quarter for whipped cream! Do you know how tacky and sleazy that is, cheap ass restaurant owners, to charge us for this stuff! We won't be back. We'll go gladly give our business to the people who simply up the price and don't nickel and dime us to death for every little thing. And yes, someone is actually paying for all the packets of ketchup. We are! It's included in the price of the Big MAC! That's why the dollar menu is now $1.29, people! That's how they pay for the sugar packets and ketchup! Come on! And the Bitchy Waiter is righteous for blogging this crappy condescension right here on this blog.