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Thursday, January 10, 2013

Famous People in My Station Last Night

Last night was a trifecta of famous people at work. Many restaurants these days have their employees sign a waiver that keeps them from Tweeting, Facebooking, blogging or Instagramming about their job and the people who eat there. Thankfully, my job doesn't give a rat's ass so I get to spill the beans all over the damn place.

Working at the club, wonderful musicians come in on a regular basis, either to perform there or sit in the audience and have me bring them over-priced martinis. Last night was no exception. The performer was a consummate professional who has been in the business for a million years. She's honestly one of the most amazing live performers I have ever seen and the fact that she is 84 years old makes it all that more impressive. I would tell you her name, but then it would be too easy to look her up and see where she performed last night and the next thing you know, people would figure out where I work and Springs1 would show up at my job to bludgeon me with an empty bottle of Ranch dressing. Anyway, this singer has been around and she holds the record for the most appearances on the Johnny Carson Show. (For those of you who don't know who Carson was, Google it...) Anyhoo, whenever she sings at the club, famous people sit in my station.
  1. Kim Cattrall from Sex and the City. She was friendly, gorgeous, sexy and had the nicest smile ever. She looked even prettier than she does when I see her on television. It was a pleasure.
  2. Lou Reed. Yes, this Lou Reed. I saw him and I was like, "What the fuck is Lou fucking Reed doing here? Dayum. That shit is crazy."
  3. Linda Lavin!!
Okay, technically, Linda Lavin wasn't in my station, but I walked past her once and she asked me for a cup of black coffee and some water. Of course I was more than eager to get it for her, because, well, I kinda love her. She starred in the sitcom Alice and although Flo had all the funny lines, Ms. Lavin's role was the heart of the show. How can anyone who waits tables not love Alice. I wrote a blog post about Linda Lavin several months ago when I went to see her sing. Her show blew me away and after it was over, even though I was standing only two feet away from her, I was too scared to say anything to her. I did not want to let that happen again last night.

After the performance is over, I keep my eye on her for just the right moment to approach her. I hate being that needy fan, but I don't want to regret not telling her how much her show had inspired me. As she slowly inches towards the exit, I see her constantly being stopped by other people. I don't want to join that queue, but it needs to happen. As her hand is on the door to leave, I take my chance.

"Excuse me, Ms. Lavin? I hate to bother you but I must tell you that I saw your cabaret a few months ago and I truly loved it. I just wanted you to know that."

I think my voice is an octave higher than normal which is saying a lot for me since whenever I am on the phone with someone, they always call me "ma'am."

"Oh, thank you, that's very nice," she says.

Oh my God, Linda Lavin is talking to me. Linda Lavin is talking to me. This is it. I have peaked.

"I wrote a story about it and posted it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter."

Oh my God, am I really pimping out my blog to Linda Lavin? Yes. Yes, I am.

At this point, it gets a little fuzzy. Ms. Lavin's eyes light up with recognition.

"Was that you??" she asks as she grabs my hand.

Oh my God, Linda Lavin is holding my hand. Linda freakin' Lavin is holding my sweaty hand. I should have washed them before I came to talk to her because I think they might be sticky. I am about to pass out right here with a stack of check presenters in my arms and credit cards are going to go all over the place but I don't care because Linda Lavin is holding my freaking hand!

"I read that story!" she continues. "I loved it. "You're a very good writer. Thank you."

Oh my God, that's it. I'm done. Linda Lavin didn't just call me a writer, she called me a good writer. Someone hold me, because I am about to fall over and head right up to Jesus. Jesus, look at the menu because I am on my way to take your order and get you a basket of bread, here I come!

I make a conscious decision to let go of her hand so I don't accidentally break her fingers off and stuff them in my apron as mementos.

"Thank you, very much. You just made my night. It's nice to meet you," I tell her.

"It's nice to meet you too," she says.

And with that, Linda Lavin floats off out of my life but will forever be in my memory.

It was a good night to be a waiter. A good night indeed. Sometimes it's nice to realize that the apron I wear allows me moments like the one I had last night. Thank you, apron. And thank you, Linda Lavin.

By the way, Kim Cattrall had a whiskey sour and Lou Reed enjoyed an O'Douls.

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MarketsNYC said...

OMG - that really is amazing! And such a New York story. Because this is where those TV waitresses really live! And sing!

My dad told me that Linda Lavin babysat for him upstate when he was a kid. We liked to watch Alice together, because we knew her and all.

Anonymous said...

As if you ever had a doubt that you're a good writer BW? come on now :).

jenn said...

Too freaking awesome!!!! So happy for you!

Cat said...

I have always found the saying "what goes around comes around" to be true. Why wouldn't nice people talk to a nice person? nice bloggy mr. BW. I enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

I've always loved 'her' performances as well. And 'she' is still so iconic and breathtaking. Thanks for sharing your experience about 'B'. ;)

allergictostupid said...

Btw, its also really easy to google " female singer with most appearances on johnny carson". And then find out where she performed last night.
If you'll excuse me, i have to summon Springs1 so we can go harrass you for ranch AND marinara. Don't you dare assume that just because I ask for ranch that I don't still want the marinara that I am PAYING FOR!!!!!!!!

Mass Marvel said...

I am so delighted that you got to meet and greet an icon. I was working in a western MA restaurant many moons ago and Christopher Reeves can walking in with his gorgeous wife and a couple of friends. I had the real pleasure of waiting on their party and I must say,I could not have met a nicer or more genuine man. He had his accident about 6 months later. I really believe he was true to his beliefs that one day he would walk again. He does, he walks with Jesus.

Anonymous said...

You're not just a good writer you're an exceptionally talented writer and I doubt you're going to be a waiter long. Wonder what you'll write about next? I for one will be waiting. Thanks for the laughs. I own 2 mom & pop restuarants, my daughter is a server and we've had some "pee your pants" moments reading your blog

12V said...

That's so fantastic! I loved Linda Lavin in The Lyons, glad to hear she's also a gracious individual.

Anonymous said...

Yay! I seriously got vicariously giddy reading about your encounter. Keep kicking ass.

JoeinVegas said...

But how much did they all tip? said...

Awesome! Linda Lavin is a class act and to know that she read your blog post must have been wildly exciting. You should get an award!

Anonymous said...

That's very very cool! Through my job as a waitress I've been able to meet cool people too. I served a well known Australian writer Helen Garner, and Geoffrey Archer.


astonished said...

I need to work with you. Besides the fact that working with someone as sarcastic and cynical as I am would make my shifts go by faster, but maybe waiting on truly rich people vs. upper middle class frigid white snobs would actually pay my bills. Although, apparently Matthew McConaghey (have no idea how to spell his last name) came into our restaurant last week... of course on my only night off.

haruka said...

I'm so happy for you, congratulations! :D

Mary A. said...

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OMG! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I am dancing for you! That is amazing. Well no --wait -- it's not. Of course she read you & loved you. She's an artist. who appreciates art. I mean, we wouldn't get all excited if Kathleen Turner told Cameron Diaz that she was very talented would we? Of course not. So this is no big deal.

OMG I am talking out of my ass.


Corina said...


California Girl said...

That is a nice story.

Nate said...

I work in a Pub in Ohio and Dave Chappelle comes in about once a week, we've also had George Lopez and Vanilla Ice come in...not at the same time, that would just destroy my tiny little mind

MOV said...

New reader here.

Great post! I had Brooke Shields stay at my hotel once (well, not MY hotel, I didn't own the hotel, you know what I mean) and she was as nice as pie and puppies and rainbows. She might have been on really really good happy drugs. Or she might've just been a very nice person.

Either way, I totally did not mind getting fired for stalking her and asking for her autograph. It could be worth a lot someday and then I will sell it on eBay and finance that round-the-world cruise I have been dreaming of.

Michelle Pfeiffer also stayed at my hotel and was very sweet. And stunningly gorgeous.

Michael Keaton was on my flight once (I was a flight attendant, ahem, sky goddess, for a decade) and he slept the whole flight so that does not make a very good story. Hmmm.

Also, had Jeff Bridges on a flight to Hawaii and I asked him if he worked in the film industry. Yep, 'cause I am that lame and did not recognize him. (Helpful hint: he was reading the script for "Sea Biscuit").

Anyway, I am not even gonna tell you what Barbara Bush said to me on her flight......


Amy said...

Great story, great blog. Thanks BW!

Noelle said...

Lou Fucking Reed!!!! Epic! I would have been star struck by those nice ladies too.

That's so cool. I get are honorable Senators and that guy from Knots Landing and an occasional NASCAR driver.

Anonymous said...

WooHoo! I know where you work, and I live right across the Hudson. I might stop in one evening and see you in action! :D

think taps said...

Thanks for sharing this useful
Hope that you will continue with the kind of stuff you are doing.

Anonymous said...

Waited on Jon Voight. Dude was cool as shit. Great tipper. He ate lunch and/or dinner at my restaurant all week. While I disagree with his political views, he was very polite and pretty funny too.

Anonymous said...

Waited on jeesie metcalf here in dallas very mellow dude average tip