It's National Tell-a Lie Day

Today is a special day. Not only is it the birthday of Maya Angelou, everyone's favorite wise sage, poet-spewing, teacher of life, something else is special about today. Okay, it is also the 26th anniversary of the day we said good bye to television's Knight Rider, but that's not what I'm talking about either. Today is April 4th and it is National Tell-a-Lie Day. I dunno who came up with this stupid ass day, but I love it. It will make my night at work so much easier. In honor of this auspicious occasion, let me list some of the many big fat lies I have told while wearing an apron.

1. Yes, I just checked on your food and it will be right out.
2. Our cappuccino machine is broken.
3. I am so sorry your burger is over cooked.
4. It's your birthday? What wonderful news. We can't wait to sing to you.
5. Your children are adorable.
6. Yes, I promise this is regular coffee.
7. Yes, this is ginger ale. It is not Sprite with a splash of Coke.
8. I washed the lemons.
9. The patio has already been closed for the night.
10. No, the website is wrong. We close at 10:30 now.
11. Yes, that is Chardonnay.
12. Bartender, can I get another glass of Chardonnay? I'm not gonna ring it in because the stupid lady at table 7 spilled it and this is a replacement. It's not like it's for me or anything so just pour it right now and hurry up, please.
13. Yes, I have tried the special of the day and it's delicious.
14. The fish is fresh and never frozen.
15. My pleasure.
16. Yes, we have a lot of fun working here.
17. I love your outfit.
18. Manager, you are so cool.
19. Chef, can I get some more fries for table 7? She said her's are cold and she wants fresh ones. It's not like it's for me or anything so just make them right now and hurry up, please.
20. Of course I mopped the bathrooms.
21. Of course I checked to see of there is enough toilet paper.
22. I would never steal toilet paper from here. Do you think I am too cheap to buy my own toilet paper so I just steal it from work?
23. The salt and peppers were just washed last night so I don't need to do them tonight.
24. I care about your food. If you're not satisfied, I want to fix it.
25. I don't know who put Chardonnay in a to-go cup and hid it behind the coffee machine. It's probably that new girl. She seems like trouble.
    
26. I polished the silverware.
27. I always wash my uniform before I wear it to work.
    
28. No, it does not sit in my locker for weeks and weeks at a time.
29. I care about how I look for my job.
30. That's how the sidestand looked when I got here.
    
31. I don't know who spilled the ketchup in the walk-in. It's probably that new girl. She seems like trouble.
32. Yes, the Ranch is low-fat.
33. I did not already add the gratuity, thank you for asking.
34. I wasn't in the bathroom just so I could play my turn on Words With Friends.
35. No, I have never posted a picture of our shift meal to my Facebook page. That would be disrespectful.
36. I don't feel well, can someone close for me tonight?
37. Yes, we have Pepsi products.
38. Yes, we have Coca-Cola products.
39. I claimed all of my tips tonight.
40. The manager said I can have another shift drink.
41. This coffee should be hotter now because I just put in the microwave for 30 seconds, Not two minutes.
    
42. I don't know where your apron went, but this one is mine.
43. I got the ice the last time.
44. Somebody forgot to marry the ketchups last night. It's probably that new girl. She seems like trouble.
45. I always write down my orders.
46. I did not steal your pen; this is mine. It's probably that new girl. She seems like trouble.
47. We just ran out of bread.
48. Yes, I refilled the sugar caddies last night before I left.
49. Oh my gosh, ma'am. That is the first time I have ever seen a roach here.
50. Sorry, I'm late. My train was stopped for a police investigation.
51. I am not drunk.
52. I care about your allergy.
53. The chowder is all vegetarian.
54. I'm sorry, but the kitchen screwed up your order. It was not my fault.
55. Yes, bus boy, that's all you get tonight. We had a slow night.
56. You've been here for ten minutes and no one has approached you yet? Your server must be busy so let me help you.
57. The hostess is so efficient and not a dumb slut at all.
58. We make all of our desserts here in house.
59. I have no idea how a fish tail ended up in your Brownie Bottom Pie.
60. No, I'm not quitting in the middle of a shift. I'm just going to the deli next door to get some Chapstick, I'll be right back.
    

What are some the lies you have said at your job?

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