No Photos, Please

Yesterday I went to an event that was sponsored by WNYC Public Radio here in the Big Frozen Apple. It was called "Out From Behind the Apron" and it was a forum that discussed the state of the food service industry. I was happy to be invited to speak but I was even more excited that I got to meet a few readers who came out to voice their opinions. A super shout out to Michelle and Araby who work at Palo Santo in Brooklyn. They told me the next time I am in Brooklyn that I should come by and I am totes gonna take them up on that offer, so be ready, girls.

Anyhoo, at the event Araby brought up a point that touched a nerve with the room. She expressed her sheer and utter disgust (my description, not hers) at craigslist ads for servers that require a resume AND a photo. I have written about it before, but it bears repeating. When a restaurant asks that you submit a headshot, they may as well be saying "Please be young, attractive and sexy. Thanks." It pisses me off because no amount of attractiveness is going to beat my 127 years of experience waiting tables. (I started on May 1, 1884, the same day that the eight-hour work day was first proclaimed by the Federation of Organized Trades and Labor Unions in the United States. I was a busser at Ye Olde Fish and Chip Shoppe/Salad Bar.) One time I tried an experiment on craigslist. I sent in my resume and headshot for a job. I also sent in my resume with a headshot that I lifted from the Internet of a model. I expected that the hot guy's resume would get a call. As it turns out, they didn't call based on either headshot, so apparently my resume just sucks. Araby said that she doesn't send in pictures because she knows that since she wears glasses, they will never call her in. Araby, shame on you for believing that gentleman don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. Araby had a sexy Tina Fey thing going on and I'm pretty sure she wanted a piece of my pancake (wink, wink). Just sayin', but I digress. The point is that no restaurant should need a picture to hire someone. What other profession requires a headshot other than actor or model? Can you imagine a school district looking for a math teacher, but asking for a recent photo? That would never happen. Or a law firm asking for potential attorneys to do that? Nope. But waiters? Sure, why not? They think we servers are a dime a dozen and for every one who won't send a picture there will be ten who will. They're probably right. Thy will keep asking because people will keep sending them in. I guess eventually we will all have to head over to the mall and make an appointment at Glamour Shots if we want a fucking job serving food. Here's mine:

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Craigslist.org

I am out pounding the pavement looking for a job so please enjoy this re-post from a few weeks back. Thank you.

love,
The Bitchy Waiter

The Bitchy Waiter needs a new job. Or an additional job. Working only two days a week is fine when things are busy, but when it's slow it ain't cuttin' it. And things have been slow. Last week a goddamn fucking tumbleweed rolled through my station. Crickets are chirping up in there lately. So where does one turn when a new job is needed? Why craigslist, where else? I have been surfing the posts there the last few days and finding a bunch of big fat zeros. It takes a lot of practice and reading through the lines to sort through a job posting on craigslsit, so I thought I would offer these pointers. Keep in mind, these are all real ads from craigslist:

• Looking for full time long term employment only. No part time or seasonal applicants please. In other words, we want you to be available at our beck and call and be ready to work at a moments notice. You will be our slave.
• Dress to impress. We think we are hot shit and want to see how nice you can dress even though once here, you will be wearing black pants and a stained white button down with a greasy tie.
• Casual seafood restaurant are looking for part time waiter or waitress for lunch and dinner shifts. PAY $15/Hour. First off, they have grammar issues. It should be is looking not are looking. But anyhoo, the only way they are paying $15 an hour is if you are not being tipped. I call bullshit.
• Please send resume with references and photo. We are looking for blond girls with big titties.
• Restaurant seeks wait staff multiple nights shifts. Room for growth. By growth we mean more shifts, not management or a better job.
  
• If you can not attend the open call, please feel free to attached your resume to this posting. But we will not call you because we will have already had hundreds of other desperate servers who managed to drag their asses to the restaurant so fuck you. (Please note the incorrect use of past tense on the word attached. Why would I want to work for someone who gots some bad English?)
  
• If you look HOT & Classy in a Bikini & you can both flirt & play billiards and remain a lady I want you to become a partner in my business. Seriously?
• At Applebee’s our team members enjoy: Flexible Hours, Competitive Pay, Extensive Training, Meal Discounts & Health Benefits are offered after 30 days. But your health benefits will only be instated if you are considered full time and we hire everyone as part time even if you are working 40 hours a week.
• Please ONLY show up to interview if you are able to begin immediately! Because we really suck as employers and the last person quit in the middle of the shift because it is so shitty here.

I will continue to be on the lookout for a new job...

Sifting Through Craigslist

I am always on the prowl for a new job, be it waiting tables, selling pottery at a trade show, putting on a huge trash can costume to walk in the Macy's parade or getting paid to make some pillows because someone posted on Craigslist that she needed that done. And yes, I sewed pillows for her. Met her ass at a Starbuck's, picked up the fabric and her designs and two days later got paid $150 for throwing together some ugly ass pillows for her daybed. And the trash can gig? Yes, it's real too. The proof is in the picture. Seriously, there needs to be a Craigslist app for my phone because I am on that bitch all the time. Here is what has caught my eye lately in my quest for employment:

We are holding an open house TODAY for Servers, Dishwashers, Porters, and Prep! Interview and get hired ASAP! Open House hours are from 12:00pm-5:00.
Okay, this will be a huge cluster fuck shit show. Don't bother. There will be about 200o people there, they will take your resume and then never call you. Don't waste your time.

Looking for experianced reliable waiter/waitress for busy resturant. Experiance with mediterranean or Turkish food a plus. Full time/ Part time
Why the hell would you want to work for someone who can't even spell the word "restaurant" correctly? And they also misspelled experience. These people are dumbasses who will never get your paycheck right. Stay away.

Looking for young, attractive, and experienced bartender/server to work at a fast paced popular spots bar. Please email resume with a picture.
In other words, we are looking for a girl with big tits.


We have a position open for a female daytime bartender ,their will be 3-4 shifts per week ,N,Y,C FOOD PROTECTION PREFERRED , ALSO N,Y,C EXPERIENCE A PLUS ,
This person does not know the difference between a period and a comma or the difference between "there" and "their" either. And I don't think I know what the hell "food protection" is. Can someone chime in with they're definition for that? Thanks, I appreciate, that, a, lot.


We are seeking a Part time dishwasher to help with restaurant setup and cleaning . Ideal candidate Must be available fridays 4-11pm and sundays 9-3pm. Must have transportation and proper documents to work. $10 per hour and meals included. Approx 13 hours per weekend. Position available October 8 2010 and ends in June 2011.
This sounds pretty good to me. The Bitchy Dishwasher? I like it. I wonder why the job is only for eight months though. The current dishwasher must have gotten knocked up.

And these are just the ones that were in food/beverage/hospitality. If you want to see some real winners, you gotta look under ETC, creative, and events. Wish me luck as I peruse the listings in search of the next great job. Or at the very least, the next great blog posting.
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The Wonders of Craigslist

The Bitchy Waiter needs a new job. Or an additional job. Working only two days a week is fine when things are busy, but when it's slow it ain't cuttin' it. And things have been slow. Last week a goddamn fucking tumbleweed rolled through my station. Crickets are chirping up in there lately. So where does one turn when a new job is needed? Why craigslist, where else? I have been surfing the posts there the last few days and finding a bunch of big fat zeros. It takes a lot of practice and reading through the lines to sort through a job posting on craigslsit, so I thought I would offer these pointers. Keep in mind, these are all real ads from craigslist:

• Looking for full time long term employment only. No part time or seasonal applicants please. In other words, we want you to be available at our beck and call and be ready to work at a moments notice. You will be our slave.
• Dress to impress. We think we are hot shit and want to see how nice you can dress even though once here, you will be wearing black pants and a stained white button down with a greasy tie.
• Casual seafood restaurant are looking for part time waiter or waitress for lunch and dinner shifts. PAY $15/Hour. First off, they have grammar issues. It should be is looking not are looking. But anyhoo, the only way they are paying $15 an hour is if you are not being tipped. I call bullshit.
• Please send resume with references and photo. We are looking for blond girls with big titties.
• Restaurant seeks wait staff multiple nights shifts. Room for growth. By growth we mean more shifts, not management or a better job.
  
• If you can not attend the open call, please feel free to attached your resume to this posting. But we will not call you because we will have already had hundreds of other desperate servers who managed to drag their asses to the restaurant so fuck you. (Please note the incorrect use of past tense on the word attached. Why would I want to work for someone who gots some bad English?)
  
• If you look HOT & Classy in a Bikini & you can both flirt & play billiards and remain a lady I want you to become a partner in my business. Seriously?
• At Applebee’s our team members enjoy: Flexible Hours, Competitive Pay, Extensive Training, Meal Discounts & Health Benefits are offered after 30 days. But your health benefits will only be instated if you are considered full time and we hire everyone as part time even if you are working 40 hours a week.
• Please ONLY show up to interview if you are able to begin immediately! Because we really suck as employers and the last person quit in the middle of the shift because it is so shitty here.

I will continue to be on the lookout for a new job...