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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Sifting Through Craigslist

I am always on the prowl for a new job, be it waiting tables, selling pottery at a trade show, putting on a huge trash can costume to walk in the Macy's parade or getting paid to make some pillows because someone posted on Craigslist that she needed that done. And yes, I sewed pillows for her. Met her ass at a Starbuck's, picked up the fabric and her designs and two days later got paid $150 for throwing together some ugly ass pillows for her daybed. And the trash can gig? Yes, it's real too. The proof is in the picture. Seriously, there needs to be a Craigslist app for my phone because I am on that bitch all the time. Here is what has caught my eye lately in my quest for employment:

We are holding an open house TODAY for Servers, Dishwashers, Porters, and Prep! Interview and get hired ASAP! Open House hours are from 12:00pm-5:00.
Okay, this will be a huge cluster fuck shit show. Don't bother. There will be about 200o people there, they will take your resume and then never call you. Don't waste your time.

Looking for experianced reliable waiter/waitress for busy resturant. Experiance with mediterranean or Turkish food a plus. Full time/ Part time
Why the hell would you want to work for someone who can't even spell the word "restaurant" correctly? And they also misspelled experience. These people are dumbasses who will never get your paycheck right. Stay away.

Looking for young, attractive, and experienced bartender/server to work at a fast paced popular spots bar. Please email resume with a picture.
In other words, we are looking for a girl with big tits.

We have a position open for a female daytime bartender ,their will be 3-4 shifts per week ,N,Y,C FOOD PROTECTION PREFERRED , ALSO N,Y,C EXPERIENCE A PLUS ,
This person does not know the difference between a period and a comma or the difference between "there" and "their" either. And I don't think I know what the hell "food protection" is. Can someone chime in with they're definition for that? Thanks, I appreciate, that, a, lot.

We are seeking a Part time dishwasher to help with restaurant setup and cleaning . Ideal candidate Must be available fridays 4-11pm and sundays 9-3pm. Must have transportation and proper documents to work. $10 per hour and meals included. Approx 13 hours per weekend. Position available October 8 2010 and ends in June 2011.
This sounds pretty good to me. The Bitchy Dishwasher? I like it. I wonder why the job is only for eight months though. The current dishwasher must have gotten knocked up.

And these are just the ones that were in food/beverage/hospitality. If you want to see some real winners, you gotta look under ETC, creative, and events. Wish me luck as I peruse the listings in search of the next great job. Or at the very least, the next great blog posting.
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Just Plain Tired said...

Now you've got me wanting to peruse Craigslist for the humor factor.

Jon Hanson said...

You really see through the bullshit... maybe some of these employers should just be honest about what they want and it would cut down on all the time wasting.

But in the meantime, who ever knew Craigslist could be a source for such comedy!


Mary A. said...

Food Protection? I am visualizing condoms on cucumbers. No?

Mama said...

What the hell is Food Protection? I too would love to know. I havent browsed craigslist for a job in ages maybe its time to take a look.

Mark W said...

I loooooooooove me some CL.

I spend most of my time in the Men Seeking Men and the Missed Connections sections. Not just my own city, either.

Not because I'm a pervert (not that I'm not), but because some of the shit that gets posted there is so freakin' funny. And I especially love seeing "real" guys make "real" posts, claiming how "real" they are, but then they post a photo of a porn model that I've seen hundreds of times!

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I wonder if they post under Etc. so that they will get the prospects who go that extra mile? the ones who really want the job...

yogurt said...


Jasmine said...

I think food protection means they need someone who isn't diseased and washes their hands.
Don't want E. Coli on that shit!

Anonymous said...

BW, if you have an Android based phone there is a craigslist app, I'm on it all the time!

smallville dvd said...

great topic!

Grant said...

They're talking about the Department of Health Food Protection Certification. I think it's required by the city for some people (management maybe?) It used to cost over $100 for the course, but now it's available online for free (the test is still $25 or so.)