Get some Bitchy Waiter in your email!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Hospitality Job Hunt Resumes

I am on the prowl for a new job. Catering season is upon us and I want a piece of that pie so I have been submitting my resume to catering companies up and down the eastern seaboard. And when I say "eastern seaboard" I mean three places that some friends told me about. I also went to one restaurant that was having an open call for interviews. I showed up with about 1000 other hopefuls and got one of those fucking corporate applications that takes half an hour to fill out. Why the fuck do I bother printing a resume if I have to fill that shit out? I knew I didn't want to work there, but went through the motions anyway. It had essay questions. Really, B.R. Guest restaurant conglomerate? Really? No one answers those questions the way they want to. They answer them the way you want us to.

What does "hospitality" mean to you?

What I said: Efficiency, friendliness, professionalism, going beyond the guests expectations. Pretty much what they'd teach you in hospitality management schools.

The truth: Kissing customer asses to get better tips and kissing manager asses to get better shifts.

What is your favorite thing about working in the food and beverage industry?

What I said: The flexibility, the people I work with and the immediate gratification of good service rewarded with a good tip.

The truth: Knowing that restaurant jobs are a dime a dozen and if something pisses me off I can say fuck you and leave. I also like stealing food and liquor.

What is your least favorite thing about the food and beverage industry?

What I said: The inconsistency of income and schedule.

The truth: Customers, managers and co-workers.

What are your goals in the restaurant industry?

What I said: To find a place that I enjoy working at and possibly move into a managerial position.

The truth: To stay at this restaurant through the holidays and make a shit load of money since you are down the street from Radio City Music Hall and tourists will be pouring in the door after they see that God awful Christmas Spectacular.
I was called over to the table for an interview. For availability I had put Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The manager said she would hire me in a heartbeat with all my experience, but my schedule wasn't open enough. I explained to her that I had another job that I didn't want to leave because it was a good place to work. She told me that since they were opening a new restaurant, they required everyone to have complete availability for the first two months. In other words, they don't want to have to take into consideration that some of their employees may have a fucking life outside of Bill's Fucking Burger Bar. "I understand," said I. "Good luck with that then." I got up and left.
I'll keep looking. Something will turn up, it always does. I can sense it in the air. (That's your cue, Laurence.)


Mary A. said...

Was she one of those cheery HR people who never actually work IN the restaurant, but just at Corporate?

Because I hate those bitches.

"We want you to think if us like family!" Yeah -- YOU can think of restaurant-R-Us as family because you have health insurance and an annual salary. I work for tips. Fugyouverymuch.

Molly Malone said...

Fingers crossed for you! You'll find something soon, just keep laying on the bullshit... :)

Wendy said...

...wait. You mean i'm supposed to LIE on those applications?!?!
Damn. No wonder i'm still sitting at home.

Break a leg Bitchy!

El Casey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El Casey said...

Loved the philosophical distinction you drew between the real answers and the really real answers; the Phenomenologists among your readers will have really enjoyed that. I also loved the fact that the piece was flanked by 6 Google-Ads each offering to find me a job in the food services industry, none from employers. My favorite was the something-or-other college that was going to prepare me for a job opportunity at Burger King. Don't you just love people who think it's okay to live with their hands in the pockets of the truly downtrodden? Capitalism: It's the salt (and pepper) of life!

Bagel Fairy said...

Don't worry about being dishonest on your application. They're not really looking for a sincere person so much as trying to gauge how well you can spew out all that customer service bullshit so they know they're hiring a reliably smarmy, ass-kissing waiter.

Good luck.

The Bartender said...


Anonymous said...

Dumbass. Get back to school and get a real education. Then you wont have to wait tables.

The Ranter's Box said...

Great post and congratulations on the 30 Rock gig! We're all sending good thoughts your way so something good will turn up for you.

@Anonymous: Would you please just f*ck the hell off once and for all? And why don't YOU go get youself a real life so that you don't have to spend all of your miserable days trolling blogs and writing rude comments to people? You are a stupid effing arse wipe!

jake said...

Well, here in the midwest, the busiest of catering season is coming to a close. Come november people will be begging for hours.

U. Auto Know. It's the Truth! said...

How about when they break out the personality test at the interview? Anybody that has been in customer service is doomed! You try to think what the right answer Should be, but you think about the last Prick that pissed you off and you never get a Call! Go Figure!

Anonymous said...

Dearest ranters box person lady. You are a pathetic loser. Actually I have a very full life. Full time job, husband, kids, full time student, (going for the MA). So... Bitchy waiter is just that Bitchy. What kind of people does he think he will attract to his blog? Bitchy people. Get over it. What are you, the bitchy police?

Jeff said...

Anonymous is one of those that bitch about the service, bitch about the food, bring their spoiled brats that throw shit on the floor, but it`s their favorite place to eat out.(Probably cause hubby is banging one of the waitresses).

The Ranter's Box said...

@Jeff: I think you are on to something there. Great observation about Anonymous. Ha! Ha!

SkippyMom said...

Do you ever notice when you call out a troll like Anon the response is inevitably the same? It is always "I do have a life, and it IS perfect. I am going for my Master's/PhD/Law Degree"

If your life is so fabulous Anon then why not 'fess up your true [bloggy]identity so we can come visit your blog and salivate over the wonderfulness that is you? I would be first in line to see how the perfect people live.

Regardless of how good your life is - remember the saying "You can tell a lot about a person by the way the treat their waiter."

And Bitchy? Loved the answer to "What do you like best about the restaurant industry." Yep!

Anonymous said...

I by far do not have a "perfect" life. I said full life. I try to be a rounded person. My blog is private for my children's sakes. Who knows what creepos are out there. So normally, I would give it out, but until they are all grown up, I opt not to. Also, I treat my waiters and waitresses very nicely. I know its hard to make it in this world. But to be an older person and not try to do something with their life is ridiculous. Jump from job to job, don't make an impact in anyones life. It's stupid and immature.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Why can't we all just get along?

Bagel Fairy said...

"But to be an older person and not try to do something with their life is ridiculous. Jump from job to job, don't make an impact in anyones life. It's stupid and immature."

But to decide that the best thing to do is to write nasty comments that insult someone's job is ridiculous. Jump from blog to blog, don't make a (positive) impact on anyone(')s life. It's stupid and immature.

I for one am glad your blog is private, that way the whole world doesn't have to read about and look at pictures of your spawn. If they're anything like you, no one wants them anyway.

Anonymous said...

The only people who I would want to look at my "spawn" are family members and close friends anyway. You are probably right, I should leave some nice comments along with my bitchy ones. Sorry BW, sometimes my bitchy opinion gets in the way of the nice ones I would normally leave.

California Girl said...

I'm not a waitress (I think there's an OPI red nail polish called that) but I hear ya.

janandtheboys said...

Hey BW, I love this post. You are hilarious. Creative writing. Great. Screw that company that expects you to have a complete and open life and schedule. what? idiotic!

Unknown said...

Why is working for Br guest not a good choice?