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Friday, September 10, 2010

Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated!

We all know how I feel about babies in restaurants. It's not that I hate babies. Really, I don't. I just want parents to control them when they are in restaurants (and movie theaters, planes, subways, grocery stores, bars, liquor stores, porn shops and the world in general.) I have never been mean to a child when I am at work and even when I am eating out and there is some adorable tot playing peek-a-boo over the booth behind me, I will tolerate it. But a restaurant in North Carolina finally put up the sign that we have been wanting to make ourselves for years. "Screaming children will not be tolerated!" I say bravo to the owner of Olde Salty's for standing up and making her restaurant a place that she wants to be in. You know that sign stirred up all kinds of controversy when they taped that shit to the door. The stroller moms probably formed a brigade and rolled down the street chanting "Just because my baby cries, doesn't mean I can't have fries!" They pelted the manager with baby wipes and formula bottles while the whole time the babies were thinking, "I don't even give a shit, let's go to fucking Chuck E. Cheese and call it a day." According to the owner of the restaurant, business has never been better. Of course! There is a whole demographic out there who will flock to a place if they know that their eardrums won't burst when Junior wants another cracker.

People who don't have kids don't necessarily want to be around them. It's a fact. Many of us have made the conscious decision to be childless because we would rather spend our money on vacations, dinners, cocktails and electronics than new shoes every six months, school supplies, college educations and whatever else a child might need, like food. One time I worked with a woman who told me that I was selfish for not having children. She actually got mad at me that I was old enough to have children, in a relationship and still didn't want to have kids. To me it seems more selfish to have a kid when you don't really want it. If I can't take it to the kennel or throw down a wee wee pad for it when I go out of town, then no thank you. She was shocked. Keep in mind this "shock" was coming from someone who was pregnant with her third baby and she didn't even realize she was with child until she was 7 months along. Wow, there's an attentive mother for you.

I may rant too often about kids in my station, but it's my blog and I can rant if I want to. Lately, there have been a lot of Anonymous haters who get on here and complain about what an ass I am. To them I say this: the blog is called The Bitchy Waiter. The title should give you a general idea about what the blog will be about. If this is not your cup of (not hot enough, herbal) tea, then maybe you should find a blog that is more up your alley. If this is not up your alley, then shove it up your ass. Okay?

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27 comments:

Samantha said...

I'm not going to lie, I have two kids and I hate going to a restaurant only to hear other people's kids scream. Mine behave and eat their food. Naturally if another little one screams, whines, and yells, my kids will follow suit. I would love to sucker punch those kids parents for their child's influence on mine. As wrong as that may sound...it is so very true.

BeMistified said...

I ♥ this sign. I like how people come on your blog hating, and doing it anonymously, the cowards. Thank you for sharing!

Molly Malone said...

I think it's a great idea! Nothing puts me off a place faster than a snot encrusted child wailing in a restaurant. Places have sections for smokers, they should also have soundproofed sections for parents who want to let their kids exercise their lungs in a public place...

Kalei's Best Friend said...

Screaming children, babies = screaming, rude, adults....Apple doesn't fall far from the tree... My kids never screamed or threw a tantrum in public...Then again, hubby and I disciplined our kids...We didn't spoil or let the kids try to take control

matt said...

I love the idea of a kids section.

I waited tables for 10 years. Once, i saw a toddler STANDING in his high-chair. I went to the table and explained that if the parents didn't get their monster to sit down, he was going to take a header to the hard-wood floors.

They shrugged and 5 seconds later *BLAM!* *SCREAM!* *CRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!*.

I was an idiot college student - they were yuppies.

RetroKali said...

I have a two kids. Kids cry, that's what they do. BUT if they cry you should be courteous and take them out. I have walked out of many a meal, and asked for a doggie bag not because my kids were undisciplined but because they didn't get enough of a nap that day, were getting sick etc. So while there are plenty of pushover parents who I am sure are breeding the next serial killer, there are plenty of parents who deal with problems that arise by realizing that they aren't the only people in the restuarant.

G said...

I'm like the first commenter Samantha. I have two kids (9 & 17), and I absolutely detest going into a restaurant where children are non-controlled. Shoot, I hate going into places where children are non-controlled to begin with.

JimL said...

We decided before we were married that we didn't want kids. So it follows that if we didn't want kids of our own, we shouldn't have to put up with others' noisy, rowdy brats.

Restaurants in CA have been smoke-free for years now. Someone needs to open a kid-free restaurant. I'll bet they'd make a fortune and have lots of regulars.

Mary A. said...

I have 3 precious darlings and we go to kid-friendly places.

There are a lot.

They all serve dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.

When I do not have the darlings with me, I do not want to go anywhere with kids or dinosaur balls.

The funny hting is, Olde Salty LOOKS like a kid-friendly place. It has those ugly oak chairs, plastic table cloths and old people.

If they carry dino-nuggets, then they are total hypocrites.

The Ranter's Box said...

Thank goodness someone finally had the balls to post a much-needed sign like that one. No one wants to listening to someone else's spawn screaming their lungs out -- especially not parents that had good sense enough to leave their little 'angels' at home so mummy and daddy could enjoy a quiet night away from the kiddies.

And Bitchy Waiter I am totally behind you regarding your comments to 'Anonymous'. Just because your blog has the word bitchy in it doesn't give some anonymous asshole the right to make rude and critical comments that have zero relevance to the topic at hand.

Have a great weekend!
xo The Empress

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

Donda said...

I have four crumbs but I totally agree with you. I can't stand going to Shoney's and try to have a nice meal and be bombarded with flying, screaming snot.

Practical Parsimony said...

I loved my children even when they screamed. However, I removed them, consoled them, or fed them BEFORE they became out of control and made a sound. It is the parent who thinks that the infant can wait for a bottle or changing, the toddler can scream in delight or irritation, or the older child can walk around the restaurant that really annoys me.

Okay, so some days they were obnoxious to others. But, I guarantee I was trying my best to retain or regain control. Yes, I was telling the children the fate that awaited them at home. One day, the three children and I (4, 9, and 11) were eating. The two older ones were torturing each other and making noise. I informed them that we would not be back so that others could eat in peace. Finally, they believed me and became quiet. They were shocked when I refused to take them out again the next week, "Well, we did finally quit playing and making noise."

Sorry, kiddos. Too late. You should have minded me when I told you before we entered that you MUST be good. About six months later, I finally deigned to enter a nice restaurant with them, and they were good as gold. Perfect.

I despise the toddler who comes to my table to talk, looks at me over a booth the whole meal, or walks around getting in the way of patrons and waiters. Okay, I despise the parents, but the toddler is the one I tell to go sit down or turn around.

So, I am bitchy mom and grandmother. Do I care? Not a bit.

Great post as usual. I love your blog.

Jeff said...

I bet if you took a poll, the parents of the well behaved children once worked in food service.

Mama Sky said...

Nothing beats hearing screaming out of control kids on your special date. A lil bit ago I decided to treat myself to adult only time and hit up Bee's and Garcias for appetizers and plenty of drinks. I made sure to go out late at night to make sure there would be no kids- I mean I left mine at home so I could enjoy party time. Half way into my 4th fishbowl sized drink I was jarred out of my happy mood by a screaming baby. I flipped out thinking my kids had somehow killed the babysitter and tracked me down. Nope here were idiot parents with there baby at Bee's working their way into a drunken stupor while Jr screamed. I tuned him out with the help of the bartender and several shots, mixed drinks and god knows what else. Two hours later I bid my new best friend goodbye leaving him a tip that was almost more then my bill.

Elise-Lucie said...

That post has to be one of my favorites from you. Smart, caustic and entertaining. Liked it!

Kim said...

You go! I have kids...grown now...but I remember those days. Personally, I was embarrassed when my kids acted up. I took it for awhile, tried to smooth it, but if my kids didn't calm down, I was the one to leave. Even in the middle of a meal. Having been there, I see parents who do NOT leave when their kids are being a pain in the ass as weak, useless, and deserving of the criticism evoked in your post. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Bravo to you, bitchy waiter!

Kat said...

I want to work there!

Gina said...

I don't have kids, by choice. I don't hate kids but don't particularly want to be in a restaurant with kids running lose or screaming all the time.

Irony is, I don't want kids but my mum moved in with us and now we have an old kid who throws a tantrum when told off and what can you do about it...respect the elderly!!! Aaaah.

Xylina Myia said...

Wow that's classic. I wish there were more restaurants like this one! I also think that if you are going to leave a negative comment you should atleast write your name. I mean what is the use if you keep hiding behind anonymity? Seriously if you have an opinion let it be heard and stamp your name on it. Take credit for being such a negative Nancy.. Lol Anyways I love all your post they are hilarious and please do not stop being a bitchy waiter for those haters out there!

Terra said...

really good post. but it got to me the part about someone calling you selfish for not having kids. I applaud you. the world is over populated and resources are limited. People shouldn't see having kids as a mandatory thing when you get to a certain age.

but I don't think that many parents know how to stop the crying. At the grocery store, there is either the parent that's life is in such a daze that they dont even notice the screams or the parent that nearly cusses out their kids in front of everyone and they seem just as psychotic.

Claire said...

Totally agree with you.

I do not have any children myself, but I love them. I work in a toy shop. I hear screaming every single day. In the shop, it's OK, I will smile and tell the parents not to worry. It's part of the job, it doesn't bother me. But when I leave the shop, I want time to chill out and relax. I don't want to go out and still have them screaming at me. That's partly why I don't have my own children (yet), I like my own time too much!

Also, parents usually say something like "oh, he's just tired/grumpy/hungry, I can't do anything right now". 80% of the time, this is a lie. All they need to do is spend a few minutes giving them attention, cooing them, holding their hands, reassuring them, and they will be happy again. From what I've seen, a lot of parents are idiots.

Anonymous said...

"cup of (not hot enough, herbal) tea"
That type of thing happens way too often by the way. The water was hot when I served the tea to you, but when you finally drank it 10 minutes later, it wasn't. Sorry, not my problem.

matt said...

Selfishness is not having or having children - selfishness is when you are inconsiderate of others. We have a two-year-old and a roommate. Our wee-one is 90% delightful and 10% terror.

During one of her fits the other night, I said to our roomie, "If this annoys me, it has to be murder for you - sorry", he shrugged and said "Whadda ya goin' to do?"

Yes, parents should be aware of their surroundings - but it wasn't all that long ago that WE were the little monsters screaming in the restaurant.

(of course, we were usually beaten for it . . .)

Shann said...

I am a mother of two myself, and I am right there with ya. My children didn't cause scenes in restaurants when they were young. When they were infants if we went somewhere with them and they started to cry we had our food packed up to go and left.

I think it's way past time for restaurants to take this step to try to preserve the sanity of their staff, as well as the other patrons. It's simple actually, if you can't control your child stay the hell home.

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud when I saw that sign - I would go there in a heartbeat over some other kid-loving place. I pay for my food to - get of your teat loving stool mothers and keep your kids in line or get the fuck out!

Jes said...

Fuck the haters- you're awesome. Don't ever change.

The haters are probably the same fat, self-important soccer moms who go 10 under the speed limit because they're on their cell phone while trying to get little Timmy to stop plastering boogers all over the window. I don't see how they don't get that no one gives one single, solitary shit about their stupid kids.