Going back a few posts ago that I wrote about comments I have decided to take the advice of someone who suggested that I "grow up, have a family and write about something that matters." Even though I feel that the Internet does not need another blog post about the everyday life of a family, I thought I would give it a try. Therefore, I give to you, the most mundane blog post in the history of The Bitchy Waiter. Frazzled But Happy Stay-at-Home Mom writes:
Oh my stars, you won't believe the day I had today, dear blog readers. First off, I awoke to the smell of coffee. That's right! My husband got up before me and made coffee and it's not even Mother's Day! (But our anniversary is coming up if a certain someone is reading this. Hee hee! LOL!) I went into the kitchen and saw my darling hubby drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper over the sink. He told me he couldn't sleep and that's why he had already gotten up and made coffee. Oh well, I thought it was for me. But he's still the bestest husband in the whole world. LOL!!. He went off to work and I set about my day.
I went to wake up Suzy Lou and she looked so cute in her Strawberry Shortcake sheets that I didn't have the heart to wake her up. She was wrapped up like a mummy and I almost laughed so hard that it would have woken her up. Lucky for me, she sleeps like a log so she didn't hear me. LOL! I took a picture of her so I will be posting it as soon as I get a chance. I went to wake up her brother Billy Boo. The little angel had thrown his Thomas the Tank blanket off the bed and he wasn't covered up at all. My goodness, I hope he wasn't cold last night. (Reminder to self: set the alarm for the middle of the night to make sure he is still covered up.) He woke up and rubbed his little eyes and asked me if he could have pancakes. And guess what! I couldn't resist! So even though today was bacon and egg day, I made him pancakes. A mother's work is never done, LOL. I still made Suzy Lou her scrambled egg whites and crispy bacon so my morning routine was a little off. It really threw me in a tizzy to be so off schedule but sometimes we moms just have to let the kids know how special they are and be wild and crazy. It's these special memories that make being a stay-at-home mom such a blessing. Praise God and all his blessings, Amen. LOL!!
The kids had a play date today and their friends Peter, Paul and Mary came over. Their mom Jenny is a doll and we love that our kids enjoy each other so much. Plus when Jenny comes over we will split a glass of White Zinfandel so we moms have our own "play date" too. Shhh! Don't tell my husband that I was drinking on the job. He might fire me!! LOL! Just kidding. He would never fire me for that. As long as I have dinner on the table when he gets home from work, he is happy. Besides, I know he reads this anyway. (Hi honey! I wuv you!)
After the play date was over, I put the kids down for a nap. I read them a story first and Billy Boo did the cutest thing. He wanted to read the story to me!! Can you believe it? So he took the book and "read" to me. It was darling! I videotaped the whole thing and I will be posting it soon so you can see for yourself how precious it was. And Suzy Lou played along and pretended that he was reading too. She is such a good big sister, isn't she?? Hugs to her. I LOVE MY KIDS!!
I spent the rest of the day doing my usual routine. Laundry, dusting, sewing, gardening, and then I capped it off with churning some homemade butter. That class I took at the Learning Annex on turn of the century homemaking is really paying off! My husband will be so pleased when he gets home and sees that yummy butter on the table! Maybe tonight we will finish off that White Zinfandel and have our own romantic evening. (hee hee!) After the dishes are washed and the kids are in bed of course.
And there you have my day, dear bloggers. I have the best life in the world. The most perfect family!! And I love that I can blog about something that really matters.
love,
The Frazzled but Happy Stay-at-Home Mom
And The Bitchy Waiter just threw up in his mouth a little bit...
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44 comments:
Just because you managed to pop out a couple spawn doesn't make your life automatically interseting and meaningful. It means that you managed to get pregnant. Anyone with a working uterus could do what you did. And plenty of people procreate before they "grow up".
Just because you have a family doesn't make your life more worthwhile to write about than those of us that would prefer to bitch and NOT raise children. And our bitchy exploits are a hell of a lot more interseting than if Bobby learned to shit in the toilet today or if you cooked pork roast or country fried steak for your husband.
Thank you for addressing that "grow up and have a family" comment so stylishly, bitchy waiter! Keep on bitching and I'll keep on reading.
Oh My God, that was funny!! I am soliving that kind of life which is why I enjoy reading your blog, lol. I think I'll go have a glass of wine right now, while my kids are still getting along. Keep writing what you want and don't listen to the trolls. -Suzy Homemaker in Maine
thats so funny. reminds me of all the retarded facebook status updates that people leave about how their life revolves around wiping their 2 year olds butt. NO ONE CARES! except of course other stay at home moms who havent grasped the idea of a hobby besides diapers, playdates and boogers.
LMAO! I could hardly read some parts of this I was laughing so hard. Churning homemade butter! Genius. Thanks for finally posting something that has the potential to change the world! =) Now, get back to bitchin'.
Loved it.
JJ
Awesomeness, which was magnified by the ridiculous voice that accompanied the story in my head.
But, I'm going to need the bitchiness to come back, I avoid crazy mommy bloggers at all cost.
So, so true. Gah. I think I threw up a little too. And to Sara -- well put!
Let me just say that even though I am a mom, we get sick of reading what the overachievers do too. I started blogging to get away from all those women, since I'm surrounded by June Cleaver Clones...grrr. I am sorry that I don't sew my own dresses, and have a tomato garden. Flog me later, I'm busy blogging. I do confess to posting about my boys' birthdays, but that is all the space they get. The. Blog. Is. Mine.
Bitch on my friend, it's what you do best!
I'm a mom (single, full-time worker, not stay-at-home) ... but that's still the funniest thing ever!
Whoever said that about your blog doesn't realise that blogs are meant to be personal, about the way we see the world and the things that affect us. If waiting and dining-out don't matter ... why the hell do they read?
P.S. My son is interesting as hell. He does team america:world police impressions, sings along to potters puppet pals and when you ask him 'who's perfect?' he'll go 'ME!' ... kids are great ;)
Thank you!
I love it! I wish that these people understood that nobody cares about their husbands and kids other than them and their mothers. If we cared about your life, we would go out, get married, sacrifice everything we love, have children, and live our own cookie cutter lives. I stay single for a reason, because your satire is a sad reality for some. I like to have my life be about ME, and my thoughts, the cute things I do, the weird stuff I see, my thoughts. I don't care about these ladies' kool-aid mustache-ratty haired-only-cute-to-family-kids. Motherhood is for you, we aren't interested in your sharing.
By the way, very great satire! I love reading your posts. I read your blog everyday!
Stick to the bitching it is wayyyy better!
The repeated use of lol made my day. Easily my biggest pet peeve at the moment is people using lol all the time. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
After channeling Dorothy Parker with the last line and having no concept WHATSOEVER of your acting ability, I'm thinkin' your calling is writing.
For me, your blog is like this guilty pleasure I keep telling myself to quit but can't. I only tell myself to quit when you get too bitchy but, for the most part, I laugh.
I love it. LOL.
Jane
I completely agree with Sara's comment. Seriously, your blog is called "The Bitchy Waiter" hence there is probably going to be some bitching in your posts. If those freaking boring ass homemakers don't like your incredibly entertaining blog posts then they can always click the 'Next Blog' button -- and go f*ck themselves!! Your writing in all its bitchiness is clever, creative and oh so fun to read. That's why we love you!!
-The Ranter's Box
Noooooo! Never ever do that again OK? I read you to get away from all that! You are refreshing and say what many of us wish we had the guts to say.
I'll be back, but only if you promise not to do that again.
Listen, bitch. I have gifted kids, sew my own dresses, churn homemade butter, blog about the bible, make crock pot meatloaf 'n dumplings for my husband, spin yarn, sheer sheep, cobble shoes, put up aluminum siding and my uterus has been bronzed and is currently in the Smithsonian. And yet, I still manage to enjoy reading about ho-bags asking for lemon slices. I'm just amazing that way. Be jealous. All of you.
Sad to say, I sometimes have to talk like that at work.
Pfft~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
did that person who told u that u should write what matters realize that there is freedom of speech? that if that person didn't like what u have posted lately, that they can go to another blog? sheesh, some folks need to lighten up.. or did u hit a nerve of truth that they couldn't bear?
Sorry for the rant, but it seems the ones who are upset by the last couple of posts need a sense of humor or need a wakeup call...Time for them to take a look in that mirror..
"My husband will be so pleased when he gets home and sees that yummy butter on the table!"
LMFAO!!!!! I love your blog...only you could make a "mundane" posting so freaking funny to read (because I feel that we are reading it through your eyes, in some way) ;-)
I hope to hell my blog isn't boring like the ones you are mocking- even though I write about family shit.
HAHA! I couldn't stop laughing for even a minute while reading this post. And the LOLs are placed so strategically! And the homemade butter part really put me in hysterics. Great job, and you are my favourite blog writer :)
I saw a you tube vid today on how to fold a fitted sheet nicely so that your closet looks "nice"!!! Who the fuck cares muchless at the end she ended it with your kids will like that it looks nice and organized omg....
hahaha!! nicely done. i liked the repeated use of LOL!! and the fact that they had to split a single glass of zinfandel...how naughty. i could only hope that one day my life is that awesome... no but seriously, i would much rather be doing that than waiting tables... one of these days.
Stumbled upon your blog a couple of weeks ago. Love it & try to visit often. I agree with the other comment that you are a gifted writer. As to this particular entry, you got it right! Like when people foist their kids upon you: "Here! Hold little Penelope!" That's when I slowly back away and head for the nearest exit. Don't make me, I don't wanna! There is a reason I didn't have kids, don't gimme yours!!
Now, dogs on the other hand.........
C-A-N-T read this.
I was thinking about posting about how offensive this was...but I would just be fucking with you. It was awesome. I hope that whoever left you that comment got your point loud and clear. As bloggers it really doesn't matter if we clean toilets at McDonalds, scrub dishes at Red Lobster or change shitty diapers as long as we express ourselves well. You are definately a gifted writer and I love your blog as is. White Zinfandel! Priceless humor! Long Live The Bitching!
I'm sure I'll be bitched at by many for even bringing up the notion, but not all mothers and housewives are just blabbering baby makers. Just saying!
But I think your blog is bitchin' in every sense of the word, so cut me some slack!
Gr8 satire!
I'm Polish & not offended when people tell Polish jokes.
Some are downright funny.
I'm overweight/pleasingly plump/fat.
Over 200 is obese, no matter what you chose to call it.
Your blog content hasn't bothered me.
Keep on bitchin!
Someone had a hair across their ass that day.
Freekin hilarious! LOL. Keep up the brilliant work!
Hilarious. I hate those cunts. People that have kids and shove them down your throat that is. I couldn't give a shit if Little Jimmy is top of his class! Very subtly done.
For me, a blog should be about something more subject-based such as film, sociology (as yours is in many ways), music, literature, maths, fucking anything rather than the drivel these tits write about!
OMG
You answered many questions for me with your reaction to that one comment about your blog, Bitchy Waiter. Apart from your eye for society and your dry humor, that basic meta discussion about blogs is pricelessly interesting! Will get myself another cup of coffee and follow more closely now!
What, no scrap booking? What a slacker...
i loved the sarcasm.
I can't tell you how hilarious I found your post - just moved from Miami to BFE - you don't know how true some of that shit still is around here. Craziness. Loved it!!
Grow up and have a family? Really? The blogosphere is already clogged with blogs all about what it's like to be the proud parent of a bunch of spawn. I guess that's all well and good for some people, but I can't relate to that shit and could care less about it. I'd far rather read your blog. Those blog-o-moms wish they had your wit.
I love the pic on this post. Are there really blogs like that out there? No, I prefer the bitchy, cynical ones to the syrup any day.
Jesus tapdancin' Christ.
I'm pretty sure I love you.
This was fantastic! I included it as part of my Friday Five at Kate's Library!
Oh my god, I wrote a post super similar to this one!
" "Awww, wouldn't it be cute for us to have a blog for our baby (toddler... etc.)?"
Okay, um let me put it this way, It's all fine and dandy to have a blog for your kids, but make it invisible to anyone but friends and family because frankly... (unless it's a funny blog) baby blogs are really boring. It usually goes something like this:
4 am: I woke up and cried for mommy to feed me
6 am: I finger painted
8 am: I stained mommy's pants with oatmeal hands
12 pm: We went to a lilac farm and I ran around
2 pm: I fell asleep in the car
3pm: Mommy went shopping and I saw a bunch of pretty colors
... etc
I mean do you actually find that interesting? Is it a Mom thing to want to document our lives from beginning to end? Because, I guarantee all you "Baby Bloggers" that your kid will find that blog nothing but another "look how awful my parents are... they posted my baby pictures online where EVERYONE can see them." I mean, think about your poor kid. Just a thought :)
Xoxo,
CaliSunshine "
If you like this, check out my blog http://drama-filledteenslife.blogspot.com/
xoxo,
Cali Sunshine
P.s.
LOL :P
As many as lessons I have heard, I can't live like the lesson shows me.
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