I have never been a fan of suggestive selling because quite honestly I don’t care if someone orders coffee or not. I know, I know, suggestive selling is supposed to up the checks and therefore increase my tip, but for some reason I can’t get into it. I am equally apathetic about up-selling. For those of you unfamiliar with these waiter tactics, let me explain:
Customer: Can I get some more water and the check, please?
Waiter: Of course, would you like bottled water or just plain tap? And can I get you a cup of coffee and dessert first?
Customer: Well, I guess coffee would be nice…
Waiter: Okay, great. One coffee. And can I put some Bailey’s in it for you and also bring you a piece of our delicious and decadent brownie bottom death by chocolate hot fudge brownie pie ala mode as well?
Customer: Oh, no dessert thank you. Just the coffee.
Waiter: Well, we also have a lighter dessert of mango and papaya sorbet with fresh seasonal berries. And can I bring you an aperitif possibly? Or maybe some brandy?
Customer: Just coffee.
Waiter: May I suggest another chicken parmagiana then? Or a bottle of wine? Or maybe you would like to start your dinner over again. Would you like soup or salad?
Customer: Just bring me the fucking check.
I hate when waiters do that to me, so I don’t do it to my tables. I feel like if they want dessert they will ask me for it. They don’t need me to suggest it. And if someone asks for water, I will assume they meant tap water. If I order water and the waiter brings me some overpriced bullshit bottle of natural spring water, I will not be pleased. I like tap. I am cheap. The two go hand in hand. Or what about those places that sticks a dessert menu in your hand without even asking you if you want one? Or when they roll out a dessert cart to entice you with a tray of goodies that have been covered in varnish and shellac?
So do I suggestively sell? Nope. Unless there is a manager breathing over my shoulder, and then maybe I will ask if they want coffee. But ordinarily, no way. Most of the time, I just want them out of my station and if I suggest a hot tea they might say yes and then I’ll have to go fucking make it.
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