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Friday, June 4, 2010

Just Say No to Gummi Bears

Anyone who has worked in a restaurant knows what a table tent is. They are the little menus that sit on a table that are more than likely sticky and covered with old crusted food because those little shits never get wiped down. Sure, it's in our sidework to wipe them down every day, but no one ever does it. The table tent will tell you the specials of the day or some other bullshit information. Personally, I like a table that's clutter free. It makes the restaurant look nicer and quite frankly it just means less crap for me to keep clean. When I worked at a diner, every table had a ketchup bottle, creamer, sugar caddie, jellies, table tent and a bowl of butters, not to mention the silverware and napkins. Too much crap. The place I work in now is more of a night club but it too has its own paraphernalia: table tent, candle, bev naps, an email sign up list and pen. It looks crowded.

The other day we had a performer who wanted to add some more shit to the table because I guess there was still a couple of square inches that weren't accounted for yet and she wanted to make sure I had absolutely no place to put down drinks. She added a program for her show, business cards, raffle tickets and Gummi Bears that were poured into old prescription bottles. Yeah, I don't get the significance either. But she didn't just leave the Gummi Bears in the bottles. She also thought it was beneficial to spread them out all over the tables- like people are really gonna eat a piece of candy right off a cocktail table. By the time she was done, it looked like a clown had puked all over the whole damn place. Or maybe Rainbow Brite just got her period. The club seats 120 people so she made sure that every seat had all that crap at it even though there were only reservations for 60 people. That means that she put out 100% more crap than was necessary. I hate overachievers.

After the show, do you think she helped remove all the stuff she had put on the tables? Of course not. And have you ever tried to wipe away hundreds of Gummie Bears off a table? I don't recommend it. They stick. Basically, each and every fucking Gummi Bear had to be picked up individually and it was a huge time suck. With no pay off. Maybe if she had a song called "Gummi Bears on the Tables" or "I Like Making Extra Work For Waiters" it would have made sense. But she didn't. Bitch just stuck Gummi Bears on my tables for no good reason. I was never a fan of the Gummi Bear. And now I really hate them. All in favor of a bare table say "aye." Aye.

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39 comments:

Xoxo~SnowBunny2022 said...

Aye! Gummie Bear war!

Kathy said...

How about the A-1 and ketchup bottles that are supposed to get rotated and never do? Not as bad as gummi bears everywhere, but still a pain. I feel for you having to clean that up!

Chrissy said...

hmm as far as the scraped bears did u put them in a bag and deliver them to her? and say " btw u forgot these, next time clean up your own"

The Bitchy Waiter said...

I threw it all away. including her huge stack of new business cards that she was very proud of but nobody wanted. trash.

Hefferwah said...

A song called "Gummi Bears on the Tables" would be kind of awesome. Gummi Bears ARE useful for torture though...I used to put them to death at the guillotine and stick their gummy heads to the edge of my ice-cream bowl. Of course, with no ice-cream bowls the practice is pointless - gratuitous Gummis.

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

Tables should have a drink, a napkin and maybe a bowl of nuts. Done.

The Rainbow Brite mention was brilliant.

Chrissy said...

YAY!!! So glad u threw them away...man she sure is a biatch...

Melanie said...

Now I want some gummi bears...

Mommy Trouble said...

It would have been best if she was so bad, that people started throwing the gummi bears at her.. That woulda made her think twice before doing it again!

Luke Cloherty said...

She sounds like a real dick! That is a) the shittest gimmick I have ever heard of and b) a complete nuisance for you guys!

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHAHA THIS ONE WAS HILARIOUS...I TOO WORK AT A RESTAURANT I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! FOLLOW ME PLEASE

insert sexy/eyecatching name here said...

No nuts on the tables...I prefer mine other places...and I will say AYE AYE AYE bc I HATE shit on my tables. Im a bartender and its just a pain..I need to be mixing drinks..not being Polly Picker Upper.

goldNboi7 said...

I know there's nothing I like than a gummi bear that's been sitting out in the open in a bar...on a good day there's some spilled Tanqueray I can suck out of it, gummi bears absorb alcohol surprisingly well...

Seriously though, that sucks that you had to clean it up...it was bad that you threw away the business cards, but all the bad karma that act earned you was negated by all the goodwill it took not to shove all those delicious candies right up her ass after the show...very noble of you to grin and gummi bear it lol

Tasha said...

Aye! Cleaning up after others has never been a party for me, especially when those others are irresponsible and snot nosed. If you ever see that performer again you should tell her about herself.

Michigan girl said...

I am a waitress. I know exactly how you feel. Why should we have to deal with people leaving excessive messes all over the table...And what about those sugar caddies? Those are supposed to get washed out ever week and after every shift you are supposed to count every single sugar in there to make sure it's the right amount. Yeah right! like I have that much patience and time. Great blog. loved it.

Levonne said...

Aye! I am with you!

One Hot Mess said...

I would have wanted to force feed her those bears like that Fat Guy in the movie Seven. Get the funnel. Random Memory- I got thrown out of a movie theater on my first group date with my now husband (think six 15 yr olds) for starting a gummi bear war. Did you know that licking a gummi bear and throwing it is a "projectile" and apparently they are a bitch to clean off the screen. Who knew?

Shannon Hilson said...

God, how disgusting! And how effin' weird. Just out of curiosity, what the hell kind of performance was she doing? I'm sure it's a waste of my energy, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the "why" of the Gummi Bear/scrip bottle combination.

bigcitychick2smalltownmomma said...

I was wondering the same thing, what kind of performer is she? I ca honestly say I wouldn't be very happy to sit down at a table that had all that crap on it, the tables are cluttered as it is.

by EmpyreanM said...

HAHA... not laughing at the plight of the waiters, especially not you, BUT I have to relate to the whole cramming shit on a table thing. In NYC where I was last week, it was just impractical. We ended up not having enough room for food for two. Lame. And yet they offered us one of those liters of Pellegrino. It had nowhere to sit with our wine glasses already being there, not to mention just empty glasses that I thought they'd use for the wine service. The email list thing is hilarious. Casting THAT wide of a net that you assault the customers for contact info as they eat? That email list, just like the comment card that's there the ENTIRE time instead of coming in with the check... just more ephemera begging to be tagged on. The restaurant logo will be gettin a sharpie mustache.

文辰 said...

教育無他,愛與榜樣而已 ............................................................

Anonymous said...

i like gummy bears, but that was just plain rude :(......aye!

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Crystal said...

Wow, I can't believe she wasted that much money on gummi bears to just LEAVE them! And how many pills was she on that she could leave that many empty pill bottles to fill with gummi bears anyways?

I found your blog on "blogs of note" by the way. It seems you are quite popular. And with the stories you come home with each day, you deserve to be up there on the blog lists. I'm recommending you to my friends :) They will LOVE you.

You remind me of the movie "waiting".

Anonymous said...

LOL..I had someone leave me a bag of gummies for a tip..WTH?

One Hot Mess said...

Back again...I tagged you for an award. If you want, stop by and pick it up!

JimNero009 said...

Aye! If I were to come and watch that show to find my table covered in gummy bears...I don't think I'd react well to it. Well done for cleaning it all up though, must have taken some patience!

Syafiera said...

I really like gummy bear,.. but i'ss yes

Justine Rose said...

..... HAHAHAHA ur really funny some of the stuff you said is true i was a bus girl at a resturant !=D

BrokenXXXWings said...

GUMMI BURRRRR. GUCCI. ICEY. WHAT?

ari18 said...

Why would anyone want to eat gummi bears out of used pill bottles and off of tables?

dirtydisher said...

Why did management let her do such a stupid thing? How ridic, they should have been hurled at her. I hate gummi bears. They make me violent.

The Bitchy said...

To all who want to know want kind of performance she was giving: she was a singer. That's all I want to say for the sake of anonymity. Never did get the Gummi Bear reference though.

Thanks for reading. Loves it.

MoraSue said...

but...the gummi bears didn't do anything to you. It was that horrid woman. (I love gummi bears)

TiedUpInNews said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandy said...

I used to be a waitress so yeah i hate little kids. The thing i used to hate the most is my boss would give the kids suckers, which they would convienently leave stuck to the tables. Fuck; try scrapping those off when your buisy and you have people waiting for tables... so aye to no gummi bears!!

Charlie Rain said...

LMBO, I love your sense of humor. Excuse me while I go hit the follow button.

genevieve said...

Aye Aye!
So much pointless shit, that just blows straight off the tables in the wind anyway.

I love your blog, I've actually just got home from a shift myself, these posts do make waitressing a lot more amusing knowing other people find it just as irritating at times!

Genevieve
http://untilthedayirunaway.blogspot.com

Wendy said...

AYE! I was in hospitality for 15 years. Whenever I would manage a place, I would keep my tables practically bare- salt/ pepper/ napkin dispenser. All of the other crap could be brought out at the time of seating. You're right way to much clutter and way to much side work.

The gummy bear thing would have pissed the living shit out of me. (Rainbow Bright's period- lol).

Great writing!!!