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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Must Be 21 to Read This Post

Every once in a while, someone will send me an email that will spark an idea of what I should write about so a big shout out to Leila for this blog post idea. Minors trying to order drinks are such a nuisance. In my day, I never even tried to order before I was of age because I had such a baby face that it was never gonna happen. I would just do what any sensible minor would do which was sit in my car and drink a couple of Bartles and Jaymes or California Coolers followed by a chaser of Boone's Berry Farm before going in somewhere. All of my friends had fake i.d.'s so I would just watch them drink or maybe if the circumstances were right, they would order for me.

It's funny to be a server and see some obviously underage kid trying to order a cocktail. It's always a dead giveaway when they order some stupid ass drink like a Long island Iced Tea or a Banana Daiquiri. Or they go in the other direction and try to be so cool and order a scotch on the rocks. If they would just order a Coors Light or some other nondescript drink, I probably wouldn't notice but if you ask me for a Sex on the Beach or a Bahama Mama, I'm gonna figure you are either a tourist, stupid or under age. Or all three. When I was first waiting tables I hated to ask for i.d. because I was barely 21 myself and still looked like I was 17 and was always so afraid that I was going to offend someone. Nowadays I don't give a shit. It's fun to bust a kid. And they always have the same excuse. "Err, uh..I must have left my license in my other purse" or "dude, my wallet was stolen but I am so 21. Seriously, I was born in 1989, dude, for real." Sorry. Not gonna fly with me. Like I really want to lose my (shitty ass lame) job for serving a minor just because he wants to see what a Mudslide tastes like. I was out once with a group of people and one kid was only 19. He was trying to be all cool and shit so he ordered a White Russian, but requested it to be "easy on the Kahlua." My friend looked at him and said, "you know that Kahlua is an alcohol, right?" He didn't. What a dumbass. If you're gonna order a White Russian while in a dive bar, the bartender will look at you and think you are a dumbass, dumbass. He didn't get served. He should have ordered a Budweiser and no one would have questioned it.

Kids, don't try to drink in my station. I will card you because I enjoy disappointing you. I may even let you order it, wait five minutes and then come and ask for i.d. just so you can get your hopes up that a Mai Tai is coming your way. Don't fuck with me, fellas. I ain't got time to waste. Get your self a fake i.d. or order a fucking apple juice.


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47 comments:

Chrissy said...

Yeah!, I bet u get a kick out of carding them... Each generation seems to put out more chutzpah and its obnoxious...freakin' obnoxious...

Natalie said...

Haha I totally ordered a scotch on the rocks when I was 14.. That was my first underage drink. It was at my sister's wedding and I was one of the bridesmaids so I must have looked older. The guy from the catering company didn't care and totally served it to me. Awesome!

Naivete said...

I love this blog! I have always said that nobody knows what a job really is until they have served tables and now I know I am not the only one out there! Thanks Bitchy Waiter! You are amazing!

Nate said...

I have noticed that once you are 21, drinking is not a big deal. I go in a bar and if i feel like a beer, I can get one. Kids I know that are younger always say, man you are so lucky to be 21, you can order drinks. I turn to them and say, you are so lucky you still have hair.

Siren said...

I am so glad the drinking age in South Africa is 18!

Meg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meg said...

I'm a twenty year-old waitress who denies Kona, Stella, and Mic Ultra on a weekly basis to kids younger than me.
If I can't drink it and I'm serving, you sure as all heck can't drink it. Thanks for this post!

-Megan

Lauren said...

Just out of curiosity, have you ever had someone obviously over 21 (like over 50) joke when you card their 20 something child and not them? "Oh, don't you want my ID?" I have actually had someone get really pissed off at me when I refused to serve them when they didn't actually have their ID (birth year 1950) after making that joke. I'm sorry, dumbass, but it's ILLEGAL for me to serve you without an ID. I don't care if you're 90. It isn't worth my job. And you're not so funny now, huh?

Claire said...

Always enjoy reading your posts! Haven't worked in the food industry, but have worked various customer services jobs and know how stupid people can be. I used to work in a game shop, one of my favourite parts of the job was refusing to serve underage kids. That look of frustration never gets old!

Anonymous said...

Drinking age in Ontario is 19 - one of the biggest ID hassles I ever got from a table was after I asked for ID from these 2 witchy girls I was serving (eye-rolling, huffing, under-the-breath comments, the works), one of which ended up being exactly 5 days past her 19th birthday.

G said...

Fascinating blog. Always wondered about the food side of the retail industry (having spent about two decades myself in the retail side).

It's funny but getting caught as an underage smoker (21)here is more expensive that being caught as an underage drinker (also 21).

And here, local law states that you look under 29, you get carded.

Kristi said...

Hey there bitchy waiter! I know what you mean by young kids being stupid about ordering alcohol. I worked for a grocery store that had this service that would send a minor in to buy alcohol and the cashier would be tested on whether or not he or she carded the person and/or sold the person the alcohol. These people were so easy to detect. They would bring one random bottle of wine or a 6-pack of beer up to the register and not make eye-contact with the cashier. Funny, because if you were smart you would grab some cheese n crackers to go with it. Everyone knew if the person looked young and had one thing of alcohol it was a trick. Only the stupid cashiers got caught. Dumb!

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHA I LOVE RESDING YOUR POSTS THEY ARE HILARIOUS. AT IHOP WE DONT SERVE ALCOHOL SO I NEVER BEEN THRU THIS SITUATION, BUT BEIN UNDER 21 I HAVE TO SAY I NEVER ASKED FOR ALCOHOL BEFORE. I ASKED FOR A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI BECAUSE I LOVE STRAWBERRY STUFF BUT THATS ABOUT IT...FOLLOW ME...

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHA I LOVE REaDING YOUR POSTS THEY ARE HILARIOUS. AT IHOP WE DONT SERVE ALCOHOL SO I NEVER BEEN THRU THIS SITUATION, BUT BEIN UNDER 21 I HAVE TO SAY I NEVER ASKED FOR ALCOHOL BEFORE. I ASKED FOR A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI BECAUSE I LOVE STRAWBERRY STUFF BUT THATS ABOUT IT...FOLLOW ME...

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHA I LOVE REaDING YOUR POSTS THEY ARE HILARIOUS. AT IHOP WE DONT SERVE ALCOHOL SO I NEVER BEEN THRU THIS SITUATION, BUT BEIN UNDER 21 I HAVE TO SAY I NEVER ASKED FOR ALCOHOL BEFORE. I ASKED FOR A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI BECAUSE I LOVE STRAWBERRY STUFF BUT THATS ABOUT IT...FOLLOW ME...

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHA I LOVE REaDING YOUR POSTS THEY ARE HILARIOUS. AT IHOP WE DONT SERVE ALCOHOL SO I NEVER BEEN THRU THIS SITUATION, BUT BEIN UNDER 21 I HAVE TO SAY I NEVER ASKED FOR ALCOHOL BEFORE. I ASKED FOR A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI BECAUSE I LOVE STRAWBERRY STUFF BUT THATS ABOUT IT...FOLLOW ME...

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHA I LOVE REaDING YOUR POSTS THEY ARE HILARIOUS. AT IHOP WE DONT SERVE ALCOHOL SO I NEVER BEEN THRU THIS SITUATION, BUT BEIN UNDER 21 I HAVE TO SAY I NEVER ASKED FOR ALCOHOL BEFORE. I ASKED FOR A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI BECAUSE I LOVE STRAWBERRY STUFF BUT THATS ABOUT IT...FOLLOW ME...

Jade Bass said...

I'm only 18 and I'm not as stupid as other people my age, well at least I like to think so. i have never tried to order a drink at a bar, but I have gone to many parties and drank my share of unsupervised alcohol.

BROKEN FASHIONISTA said...

HAHA I LOVE REaDING YOUR POSTS THEY ARE HILARIOUS. AT IHOP WE DONT SERVE ALCOHOL SO I NEVER BEEN THRU THIS SITUATION, BUT BEIN UNDER 21 I HAVE TO SAY I NEVER ASKED FOR ALCOHOL BEFORE. I ASKED FOR A VIRGIN STRAWBERRY DAQUIRI BECAUSE I LOVE STRAWBERRY STUFF BUT THATS ABOUT IT...FOLLOW ME...

Anonymous said...

your stories always make me laugh.....love the blog :)

Kelly said...

You describing underagers attempting to look suave and knowledgeable reminds me of the college freshmen who try to order espresso drinks and FAIL because they don't understand them. They say no to lattes and order espresso and wonder why there isn't milk in it; they order "iced" drinks when they mean frozen; my favorite is "iced cappuccino."

Unfortunately I can't card them and call them out.

Penny Lane said...

I will tell you what,
I am in college and when you go out with a group of friends and you are just on the cusp of being legal it is frusturating to go into a place and not even try.
But here is the deal, if you are in a fancy restaurant...it is a no.
If you are in a family restaurant ... it is a no.
If you are in a diner, or some type of eating establishment close to it... it is a no.
But If you are sitting in a hookah lounge, or something of the sort, it cannot hurt to ask.
I have done it and if they say " let me see your ID" I will look, and then say "Oh I must have forgot it" nd enjy a sober night.
I will not push it.
But sometimes it does work, they do not even ask.
Faulty on their part.. but it works for me.


Peace and Love,
D

Donda said...

I am sure that you are well aware but just in case...You are flippin' hilarious! You need to work in one of them diners where the servers are paid to be mean to the customers!

Floyd said...

Honestly, I am 19 years old and I think you are way out of line. First off, dont give the old and tired excuse: "Oh, I might lose my job if I serve alcohol to minors." Our government is run by a bunch of controlling pricks that work for special interest groups. You should do what is right and if a minor wants alcohol is no big fucking deal to serve them. Grow up and stop following the law like a zombie.

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Meg; said...

Haha kids are hilarious like that! Although I have to admit I've tried it at restaurants when I was underage and totally got away with it. Good to see you're keeping them in line :P

~M

California Girl said...

congrats making blogs of note. you're hilarious. i'm fwding this post to my sons, both of whom are waiters near your age.

Heidi said...

When I used to work at Disney, I got to work at Ariels grotto (I think that's spelled right) In California adventure were they serve alcohol. The kids were the same there too.!
Love your post.

Donda said...

@Floyd and all other bada$$ kids that think it is OK to break the law when it serves your purpose. What is it with kids these days that they feel they have some type of entitlement? BTW I am the mother of a 19 year old and she is not stupid enough or brazen enough to go into a bar and involve someone else in her illegal activities.

Jenn McKay said...

HA! Let them order and then ask for ID - that would be the best!

miss fanny dimples said...

Oh my sweet lord! after i spent five effing minutes trying to figure out how you post a comment on this blasted contraption, obviously im new to the site, i Finally figure it out! Okay You are hilarious! I laugh out loud every time i read your posts. I am not sure if you intentionally quoted Joan Crawford or not but that's fantastic! I hate Teens, I refuse to cop to ever being one lol. Cheers!

Jane Doe said...

Oh, that Floyd, tryin' out his Rand Paul material here!

T3H GREAT RANTSES said...

lol! i love being 21 and getting carded ITs kind of rewarding. But i hate it when people think my I.D is a fake because it's from florida and i live i alabama.

Jennifer said...

Haha! This is hilarious! Totally takes me back to my bartending days. I once had a chick try to use a fake id. She was a tall blond and the woman on the id was Asian. Brilliant, eh?!

Caramel said...

Well, for a minor. They shouldn't even try to think about goin to that kind of place right?!

Настя said...

Классно! =)))) пишите мне! =)

Charlie Rain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charlie Rain said...

I'm under 21 but being Canadian the legal age is 18 therefore I let my countries age rules apply when reading this post !!! When I did turn 18 I went from being a hostess to being a waitress so I can somewhat relate. However, I didn't keep that position for long because I realized that I might secretly hate people, bcuz half the time my thoughts weren't very pleasant.

P.S. I loved the humor in this blog !!

-Charlie.

Jenn said...

Have to say after reading this at my age which I will not disclose (LOL) Good stuff! You would make shit tons of money at Dick's Last Resort on the Riverwalk in San Antonio. However the drinking law in Texas states if a minor who is 16 years of age with a valid DL and is with a PARENT or guardian over 21 the parent can legally serve them. Waiter/waitress serves the beverage to the parent and they pass it on. And in my case too When I was married to my Hubby he was underage I wasn't therefore he was legal Now that's halirious shit!!!!! One other opinion gotta say if you're old enough to serve your country you are old enough to drink.. but good stuff

Elise-Lucie said...

I've been working in a dépanneur in Montreal for over 3 years. They are convenience stores, where we sell lottery, cigarettes, alcohol...You have no idea how many kids I had to card! The government would send us minors once in a while to check on us. If you are caught once selling alcohol to teenagers, you are suspended for a week. And a week without working can seriously harm your rent money! If you are caught twice, you are fired. But that's one thing kids don't understand. How many times have pseudo anarchists kids with high-boiling zits told me "Yo dawg, fuck the law, I just want a fucking blunt wrap!" Ooooh, memories...Funniest is when they say they forgot their cards, but they're driving. I liked to ask them "What happened to your drivers license?"

Heather G said...

you are hysterical. true story. i love love love reading you.

numb490 said...

I can really relate to this because I'm in college and every Tuesday and Thursday night, students would go to this bar with their fake ids and fill up the place. It was all fine and dandy till the cops raided the place, really funny to hear people's reactions of how they ran away.

Visit my blog sometime, thanks
numb490.blogspot.com

Man said...

I read it, and I'm not 21. shhhhh. haha

read my blog maybe? give-em-a-break.blogspot.com

NayNay said...

Oh, Floyd. You made me laugh so hard that I doubled over, coughing. Keep up the good fight, and yes, I do want fries with that.

Missy said...

Gotta love the trust-fund baby entitled attitude there Floyd. Just becuase mommy and daddy pay your rent doesn't mean the rest of us don't have to work for it...

How's this for a deal - I will serve you alcohol as long as you get me another, equally good job, pay my rent & bills in the meantime, pay my fines and legal fees and serve any jail time I might end up with. Fair?

Always go for generic beer if you are underage. The less the server has to think about it, the less likely you are to get carded. I'll still card if you don't have grey hair and a walking frame, but hey.

alexa. said...

Damn those stupid underage tourists!

Krissy said...

Aw! You said the magic word: Mai Tai. It's only right that I drink one now. It's the rule