Must be 21 To Read This Post, Part ll

I have written before about how annoying it is when underage kids come in to a restaurant and try to order drinks. Most of the time they order stupid ass shit that is a dead giveaway that they are novices at the drinking game. However, the other night I had the pleasure of meeting an underager who was the antithesis of that loser kid who orders a Jamaica Me Crazy with extra rum.

It was my typical Monday night where I head over to the neighborhood Mexican place for some five dollar margaritas. I love it there because I'm a regular and they all know my name. It's like my own personal Cheers up in the there. The usual lushes were all there but one had brought his niece who was in town visiting. She was cool and smart and pretty. Here she was hanging out with all of us and fitting right in and when it came time to order drinks, she was cool as a cucumber. Everyone else had ordered before her and when it was her turn she just casually threw out "Oh, I'll have the same." Moments later she was sucking down a strawberry frozen margarita like she thought she was 21 or something. No big deal. Her Uncle beamed with pride. At this point, I did not realize that I was drinking with a child, but she mentioned to me that she had just gotten out of school. "Oh, where did you go?" I asked, expecting some university or college. "No, high school. I'm only 17." Wow. This girl was good. A few minutes later the waitress asked if she wanted another drink, but maybe something else since they were out of strawberry. "Oh that's fine," replied Coolest Under Age Drinker in the World. "I'll just have a mango." A mango margarita? And she ordered it like it was a glass of water. The waitress never batted an eye and whisked off to get some tequila for this girl is younger than some of my aprons. It just goes to show that not all under age drinkers are lame. Some of them are really cool like this niece. And like I was when I was drinking Bartles and Jaymes wine coolers and riding around in a 1982 blue Honda Civic.


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Must Be 21 to Read This Post

Every once in a while, someone will send me an email that will spark an idea of what I should write about so a big shout out to Leila for this blog post idea. Minors trying to order drinks are such a nuisance. In my day, I never even tried to order before I was of age because I had such a baby face that it was never gonna happen. I would just do what any sensible minor would do which was sit in my car and drink a couple of Bartles and Jaymes or California Coolers followed by a chaser of Boone's Berry Farm before going in somewhere. All of my friends had fake i.d.'s so I would just watch them drink or maybe if the circumstances were right, they would order for me.

It's funny to be a server and see some obviously underage kid trying to order a cocktail. It's always a dead giveaway when they order some stupid ass drink like a Long island Iced Tea or a Banana Daiquiri. Or they go in the other direction and try to be so cool and order a scotch on the rocks. If they would just order a Coors Light or some other nondescript drink, I probably wouldn't notice but if you ask me for a Sex on the Beach or a Bahama Mama, I'm gonna figure you are either a tourist, stupid or under age. Or all three. When I was first waiting tables I hated to ask for i.d. because I was barely 21 myself and still looked like I was 17 and was always so afraid that I was going to offend someone. Nowadays I don't give a shit. It's fun to bust a kid. And they always have the same excuse. "Err, uh..I must have left my license in my other purse" or "dude, my wallet was stolen but I am so 21. Seriously, I was born in 1989, dude, for real." Sorry. Not gonna fly with me. Like I really want to lose my (shitty ass lame) job for serving a minor just because he wants to see what a Mudslide tastes like. I was out once with a group of people and one kid was only 19. He was trying to be all cool and shit so he ordered a White Russian, but requested it to be "easy on the Kahlua." My friend looked at him and said, "you know that Kahlua is an alcohol, right?" He didn't. What a dumbass. If you're gonna order a White Russian while in a dive bar, the bartender will look at you and think you are a dumbass, dumbass. He didn't get served. He should have ordered a Budweiser and no one would have questioned it.

Kids, don't try to drink in my station. I will card you because I enjoy disappointing you. I may even let you order it, wait five minutes and then come and ask for i.d. just so you can get your hopes up that a Mai Tai is coming your way. Don't fuck with me, fellas. I ain't got time to waste. Get your self a fake i.d. or order a fucking apple juice.


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