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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Bloody Mary Secret Recipe

At work a few days ago I came across an ethical dilemma. One of those moments where you have to make a split decision about something and the choice is not an easy one to make. The wrong decision can change a life. Should I do what is right or should I do what is easy? It was a very busy night and I had a lot of drinks to get out before the show started in five minutes. The bar was a sea of cocktails waiting for me to carry them to their rightful owners. As I headed to table 42 (Or at least I think it's 42. I don't really know those table numbers back there. You know, the one in the corner?), the ethical dilemma presented itself. On my tray was a Diet Coke (Diet Pepsi, really...), one glass of pinot grigio and two Bloody Mary's. Waiting for me at the bar were about ten other drinks that were watering down like the polar ice caps. Two feet away from table 42, I noticed that one of the Bloody Mary's had some thing floating on the top of it. That thing was a mosquito. Or maybe it was a gnat. It for sure wasn't a fly. Well, if it was a fly it was a really small one. My mind flashed. In about one second, this is what flew through my head:

Oh my God, is that a bug? That's a bug. Fuck, that's a bug and now I have to go all the way back to the bar and get another Bloody Mary. Shit. I don't have time to go back to the bar to get another Bloody Mary because the show is about to start. Maybe it's not a bug. Maybe it's a leaf from the celery. No, it's definitely a bug. And we don't even put celery in our Bloody Mary. Fuck, just give it to them, maybe they won't notice. No, that's wrong. Fuck it. No that's wrong. Fuck it. No that's wrong. Fuck it, it's candlelight, they'll never see it. No, that's wrong. I can't do that.


I looked at the two people who ordered the Bloody Mary's and tried to decide which one would be the least likely to notice the happily drowning insect in their beverage. The wife was old but pretty sharp. But then I noticed the husband. He had on a hearing aid and my reasoning was that if he was hard of hearing he probably had some failing eyesight too. So down went the Bloody Mary in front of the Old Man. I also conveniently moved the candle away from him to ensure bad lighting. I based my decision on what would make my life easier, and do I feel bad about it? You bet I do. I think it worked out though. He ordered a second one. I brought it to him without the fly, gnat, mosquito insecty thing.

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40 comments:

trininista said...

Dude...your blog is hilarious. I would have noticed the bug but then you would have assessed me differently though you might have thought, "hmmm...she looks pretty docile. she will just say don't worry about it", when in truth and in fact I would have cussed you silly. Love it.

Chrissy said...

Decisions, decisions... I hate to say it but I would of taken it back and gotten a new one... mind u I would be cursing all the way to and from the bar!.
@trininista: u go girl!. I would of done the same...lol

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Wrong I know. But he didn't notice so it seems okay-ish.

Mel said...

Hey, the guy got a little extra protein free of charge! If I had found it in my drink, I would have sent it back, but I would definitely not have blamed you! For all I know you didn't even notice it...

JimNero009 said...

Haha! That's so harsh!
But I can understand your reasoning, I've worked in a kitchen and when it gets really busy, you don't have time to fuck around!

Name: female, I shit you not! said...

laughed sooooo hard..
I drink apricot brandy & it mustn't be a big seller.
Found more than 20 fruit flies in my mixed drink one time.
Looked liked the bartender added pepper.
Guess the little buggers got in the bottle and drowned.

Boonsong said...

You were very resourceful. There's obviously no flies on you.
It looks like you averted disaster by a gnat's whisker.

All the best
Boonsong

Miss MishMish said...

I thought for sure that you were gonna stick your finger in there to fish it out and then serve it. :)

Jessie H. said...

Thats...well actually its kinda funny. If he didn't notice, then there is nothing you can do about it. Even if he had noticed, you could have acted just as suprised as he was to find a "little friend" in his drink.

EnnKay said...

Bugs land on stuff all the time. The question at hand really is, did the little sucker pass the 3 second rule? Or is it 5...

Donda said...

GRODY! Pretty for sure this is the reason I stick to vodka...can't really hide anything in it but water!

Michael Toa said...

I couldn't stop laughing reading this. I think I would have done the same thing. Good job with moving the candle away from the customer. :)

Luke Cloherty said...

I don't see why you're so worried, all the shit that's in a bloody Mary would fuck the guys health up quicker than a small bug.Funny story though, I must say.

Levonne said...

Funny. My husband and I could have been your couple. Oh well, buyer beware. I always check my food if I am in a paranoid mood but otherwise I close my eyes and try to enjoy it knowing that protein can come from a myriad of sources! Don't be too hard on yourself. And God help us when we eat out!!

Phillings said...

That is some funny ish. I've ran

scdd said...

I'd have said it was pepper or celery seed if asked. Maybe even a tiny garnish. Besides, the vodka killed any germs on it. No problem! Great blog!

bettyshaw said...

I've definitely done that before, with a pitcher of beer. I don't know which of the two guys had the misfortune of swallowing the fly, but neither noticed.

Alisha Thomas said...

Reading this post made my day. So, thank you! Absolutely hilarious.

Emily Ann said...

I think I would have tried to flick it out, but I mean really a bug never killed anybody. haha funny post.

Why me? said...

Wow shit I have to say that is a hard one, but I think you should of went back to the bar and got another bloodly mary because at the end you would have felt good about yourself and not guilty.

Poetic Relief said...

That's funny as hell. I'm a waiter too so I understand the obstacles involved. He didn't peel over and die from it so you're in the clear lol.

Camila said...

Haha I agree with Miss MishMish! I thought you were going to get it out yourself. But hey! Had me laughing, but its nothing harmful! I probably would of done the same.

Lunar Eclipse said...

Your blog is hilarious

DBLL23 said...

Keep writing!

Tammy said...

New follower here...

Moral dilemmas suck. While there may just be a special place in hell for bug-drink-givers, if you think of all the bugs we accidentally ingest in our lifetimes *shudder* what's one more? Plus, alcohol disinfects, right?

I give you a pass on this one. I am sure that means a lot to you.

Waiting said...

To be honest I don't think the decision would be that hard but it's probably because I'm so easy going. Bugs (specifically fruit flies) get into alcoholic drinks all the time. Usually I just scoop them out - even in my own drinks. If the person is a real dick though you can make sure they consume the bug by placing the straw directly over the insect. Even in vodka a straw will conceal a bug. That's one reason that you should be nice to your server/bartender.

Enduring the Babbles of Life said...

good blog bitchy waiter...nice write-ups - i was guessing the secret ingredient would probably be some crushed chilly (i try that and works well in bloody mary), but the way you completely metamprphosed the title was good fun!

Kylie said...

usually there is 2 straws in most bloody marys yes? (or is that just the way we so it in australia???) so u just fish the bug out with one.. and leave the other..

L. Straub said...

I guess if you think about it this way: you're likely to eat a number of bugs/spiders while you're sleeping. So, this way, he enjoyed his serving of bugs/spiders for the night served with a Bloody Mary instead.

sharon bell said...

yeah. your funny. good writing!
http://thegreygirldiaries.blogspot.com/

crownflower said...

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dirtydisher said...

LMAO! You should have charged extra. Hey, we've all swallowed a gnat or skeeter when were outside in the Summer anyhow..so no harm.

Enno said...

Nice blog

Anonymous said...

It's "Bloody Marys" no apostrophe needed!

Anonymous said...

I probably would have done the same thing. And like u, it does eat at my conscience. But sometimes u r too busy and its not gonna hurt anything. If a bug fell in my drink, I would just pick it out. I have to admit... that at my restaurant our orange juice glasses always have lipstick left on them (probably cuz most people don't use straws when drinking oj) This has happened several times.. While I'm carrying a tray full of drinks or passing them out, I notice the lipstick, so I just turn the glass so they can't see it. Most of our customers r old and don't notice. I feel really guilty but u don't notice it when u r making it and u don't have time to make a new one cuz the stupid oj machine takes forever to pour. And it happens so often, its like "really? not again!"

Stereos and Souffles said...

You...are fuckin hilarious! And I rarely ever click on the blogs of note...glad I did.

Anonymous said...

Funny Blog! But the Bloody Mary with a bug was wrong dude :)

The Bartender said...

Anyone ordering something that takes as long to make as a bloody mary deserves that shit. Go you.

Becky said...

Totally, 100% what I would have done...

Becky said...

Totally, 100% what I would have done...