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Friday, June 18, 2010

Never Gonna Get It

My first job as a waiter was at Bennigan’s in Houston, Texas. After taking their ridiculous amount of tests and quizzes, I was finally given my flare and suspenders and let loose in the world of food service. I had at last moved up the restaurant hierarchy and was a step up from bus boy. I was a waiter. It’s funny, but I can remember the day that I was hired as a waiter and I felt like I had really made it. A hundred years later, not so much. Anyhoo. I learned a lot at that first job. One waitress in particular really showed me the ropes and I looked up to her immensely. She was my trainer, my mentor, my idol, and my dear friend. I don’t remember what the bitch’s name was. But I think I owe a lot of my stellar attitude to her. For the sake of convenience, let us refer to her as Ann B. Davis. (You know I loves me some Brady Bunch, right?) I knew that I was going to adopt her attitude within hours of meeting her. Let me pass on some pearls of her wisdom:

One day when her table needed some more coffee, I let her know. I saw her pour a cup of decaf and start towards the table. I stopped her to inform her that they wanted regular coffee and not decaf. Her response? “Oh no, everyone in my station gets decaf all the time. I don’t need a bunch of hyper people in my station. “Brilliant, no?

Another time an old lady slipped on a knife that we had left on the floor. The lady fell pretty hard and I am pretty sure some bone fragments from her hip hit some people at table 203. As I rushed over to see if I could help her, Ann B. Davis came up to me with her face showing concern. The old lady was from her station and I was genuinely impressed that Ann was so worried about her guest. “Oh my God, I wonder if I can get her anything,” she said. “Coffee? Tea? A splint?” What a bitch. God I loved Ann B. Davis. Or whatever her freakin’ name was.

My favorite memory of this amazing server happened towards the end of my tenure at Bennigan’s. At the end of her shift after she had punched out, Ann was sitting at a table enjoying her shift meal. A table nearby who didn’t know that Ann was off duty asked her if she could please go get her some more Ranch dressing. I heard the whole thing and was surprised that Ann got up and walked towards the kitchen knowing that she wasn’t on the clock. “Are you really gonna get that for her.” “Please,” she laughed. And then she proceeded to sing that song by En Vogue, as she walked into the kitchen and out the back door. “Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never get it. Whoa whoa whoa whoa.”

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14 comments:

Jessica said...

Hahaha! I love reading your blog!
I'm not in the food service industry, but working in retail we have the same mentality...

Brittany said...

hahahahaha that is great!!!!!

whenever a server wants something from the cooks at work that wasnt rang in they sing "you can't always get what you want"


it's great

grahamophone said...

All hail the Bitchy Waiter and all that have gone before him. I hold you in the highest regard, as I am the crappiest waitress there ever was. Like many people, I waited tables while studying to become something else, so a normal conversation between colleagues would be, "What to you do besides waitressing?" One day my colleague retorted with, "Therapy." That was the day I realized that waiting tables is a profession in and of itself, and that only the bitchy survive.

Kacey Prime said...

I too worked at one of those ridiculous places where you have to write a million tests, and learn a thousand songs just to get your serving FANNY PACK. Yes. I had to wear a freaking fanny pack.

Chrissy said...

Great write!... omg, I can't believe she could be such a bitch...Karma will get her... it always does. Guess Ann B., will 'never gonna get it'..lol

Rachael said...

I love your blog! <---this is original. I like the sass. I feel like everyone, including me, has sass in their job, but only you can put it out here on the web with so much flair and pizazz!

Lady Penelope said...

It seems to me from the tone of your blogs, that you enjoy your job, you must do, or you wouldn't still be doing it...and a way of life is there in your attitude, something that supports you and helps you survive day to day...We all need something to keep us getting up of a morning and you've found it...All power to the Bitchy Waiter...and may he continue.. xx

tracy said...

http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2010/06/18/are-you-still-working-on-that/?hpt=C2

have fun with that one --

tracy

Tricia@Tongue In Cheek Cooking said...

I used to serve decaf instead of regular coffee during my waitressing days also!

Bethany said...

Yet another wonderful post that reminds me of my food service days. :)

鈺苓賴 said...

you did a good job..................................................

Bob said...

I think Ann B. trained me at one point, too.

lostgirl said...

If I was ann.b I would have walked back into the kitchen poured a thing of ranch walked back out and sat down and started eating it, that would have been funny and bitchy, and when they asked why you didn't help them. "I am off duty"

Manda said...

I was originally trained by a guy from italy. In europe, waiting tables was a dignified profession. You can imagine what my training was like. He taught me how to do everything ever so perfectly. Once that restaurant closed I moved on the waitressing at a diner where the servers really broke me in and taught me exactly what to do with that ranch dressing!! I also have served watered down decafe to my tables instead of regular. I love your blog, you speak the truth.