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Sunday, September 5, 2010

Jet Blue Guy is Fired

Sad news for Steven Slater, the waitress of the sky. He has been officially fired from Jet Blue. The horror of firing someone on Labor Day weekend. Sure, we all knew his ass was going to be dumped since he went all crazy and slid down that emergency slide, but c'mon. On Labor Day? What a way to ruin a three day weekend. And didn't he pretty much quit anyway when he slid down the emergency slide? Steven Slater has probably been sitting by the phone for weeks wondering when he was going to be put back on the schedule but now he knows. It ain't happening. I suppose when you get fired for a reason like his, filing for unemployment is not an option. So I thought of some other career opportunities for him:

  • He could get a job like George Clooney had in that movie Up In The Air where he went to different companies to fire people. Steven could explain that their services are no longer needed and then help them devise an exit strategy that will make them be remembered.
  • He could do a commercial for United Airlines and urge people to "fly the friendly skies." And at the end of it he could just say "Fuck Jet Blue and that lady who made me lose it on her ass."
  • He could do Celebrity Rehab if he does in fact have a problem. And even if he doesn't. I wanna see him living with Dr. Drew and Janice Dickinson.
  • He could do a guest spot on Jersey Shore so the next time Snooki does some stupid ass shit, he can tell her "bitch, please" and then show her how it's really done.
  • He could work for the MTA in New York City because with his crappy attitude and shitty ass work ethic, he will fit right in with every other MTA worker and rocket his way to the top.
  • He could be a judge on Iron Chef because I am sick of seeing that asshole Jeffrey Steingarten. They need a new asshole.
  • He could be on Dancing With the Stars because they will put anyone on that freaking show. I mean, Bristol fucking Palin is on it this year.
  • He could be a kindergarten teacher because I bet he has so much patience when it comes to children.
  • He could work at a carnival in one of those bouncy castle things with the blow up slide because he obviously has experience in that arena.
  • Finally, he could always come work with me. We will be BFF's and sit in the back of the room and make fun of people and sneak cocktails.
Good luck, Steven Slater. Your 15 minutes may be just about up so I hope you can finagle some way to make this work out for you. You stood up for all of us service workers and even though some people think you are an asshole, there are plenty of us who love you because we think you are an asshole. You are our hero.

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BosGuy said...

Hardly surprising... we'll see how he parlays his 15-minutes of fame into his next "career"... perhaps we'll see him on the next season of Dancing with the stars.

Mary said...

Didn't he quit when he snagged the beers and slid down the slide? So then he couldn't be fired.... (PS typo: You're should be Your).

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Thanks Mary.

Jodi said...

Mary, he asked for his job back, so yes, he quit, but didn't. He was 'suspended' but now fired.

carmar76 said...

Are they making him pay for the slide? I would think it costs them so much money for it to deploy & be put right, but idk. Hopefully he doesn't have that on top of everything else!! Everyone should be wagging their finger at the RUDE person who made him snap. IMO. : )

Mind Of Mine said...

He should not be regaled as hero. He threw his toys out of the pram like a big baby. Then jumped out of the pram himself.

To be considered a hero by his is peers in the service industry he would have been able to put the women in her place with a hilariously bitchy diatribe and then received a standing ovation from everyone on the plane.

But no, he ran away like a dickhead and jumped from a plane.

He is an embarrassment to those in the service industry and to the human race as a whole.

Aileen said...

Dear BW, you made me laugh so hard I nearly forgot about my hangover.

Mary A. said...

Ummm -- you can't fire me. . .I fucking quit 3 weeks ago. Duh.

Hope his next job makes him pots & pots of money.

Mary A. said...

Hey BW -- do you have to work tomorrow? Labor day indeed.

Gabriele Agustini said...

OMG! Hysterical - as always!
My favorite is the "kindergarten teacher"!! HAAA!!
Be back tomorrow!

U. Auto Know. It's the Truth! said...

This guy is a marketing Genius! How about Chrysler hires him as a pitch man!I can see it now, they recreate the incident, he tells the plane to fuck off, grabs his beers, slides down the slide, jumps in his "HEMI' Challenger/ Charger and burns rubber down the runway! Go Joe Dirt! IT'S A HEMI! Don't forget the mullet!

hed. said...

Holy crap I hope someone knows how to contact him so they can send him this post. Your suggestions are gold-it would kick ASS to soften the blow of getting fired ala "Up in the Air" by figuring out a grand exit plan!

The Bartender said...

he should do commercials for whatever beer he chugged on his way down the slide.

"Pabst Blue Ribbon -- for when some stupid bitch assaults you with her luggage!"

Then he takes a swig, slides down the slide, and smiles at the camera with a big thumbs up.

California Girl said...

One of your best posts.

Anonymous said...

He is an idiot. People are praising him like he did anything of worth. This is the lowest of low. As a professional he should know people are idiots and then how to handle a situation. Instead he ran away in a stupid way and quit. Then he asks for his job back? What a MORON!