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Saturday, September 4, 2010

Food, Glorious Food


Two things have caught my eye in the last twelve hours and both of them involve Americans eating ridiculous amounts of food. Have we gotten to a time in our world where the only thing we can do is try to find the unhealthiest thing we can think of to eat and then fry it and make it even more unhealthy? First I saw this video of Paula Deen eating a fucking lasagna sandwich. You must see this:

video


That women puts more meat in her mouth at one time than a porn star at a gang bang. Seriously, a lasagna sandwich? It makes me want to make one, freeze it, grab a Sharpie, scribble "HAM" on it and throw it up against the side of her head. What is wrong with that woman?

And then I saw a link about a certain food item you could get at McDonald's but only at a very specific time. It's called McDonald's Mc10:35 and it's an Egg McMuffin wrapped in a double cheeseburger. It can only be ordered at the precise moment that breakfast is segueing into lunch and they have both items. Oh my God. What the fuck is wrong with people that they need to eat that kind of shit at any time of day, much less in the morning? They may as well add a hash brown to it, stuff it in an apple pie and then deep fry that bitch up. (Come to think about it, they should do that. I would totally try it. But maybe that's what that crack whore was wanting so bad when she smashed in the drive through window at McDonald's last month. It would explain a lot).

The point is that people need to chill the hell out with the excessive eating. What is with the championship eating contests where men see who can eat the most hot dogs in one sitting? Give it up, gentleman and let Paula Deen have that crown. Eat a salad. Or those food challenges where if you can eat the six pound hamburger, you get it for free? How about just eat a burger that has 8 ounces instead of 22 and you actually pay for it? I had some people in my station the other day who ordered the mixed nuts because they were "starving." When they left, half of that bowl of nuts was on the ground because they missed their mouths most of the time. I don't think they were really starving. Starving people don't leave food on the ground uneaten. I had to pull out the vacuum cleaner to clean up after them. We affectionately call it the Paula Deen. It really sucks.


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16 comments:

Candice said...

That video was nauseating. Honestly, I'm pretty much speechless here. This makes me think about that "sandwich" that KFC invented where it's cheese and bacon between two boneless fried chicken breasts. Ack!

A Bitch Called Mom said...

I've said for years that Burger King is going to kill someone right in their restaurants with those big ass sandwiches. I guess McDonald's is trying to catch up.

And we're all just waiting for Paula Deen's heart to explode right out her chest. Any minute now...

MandyLynn405 said...

Gluttony is a sin!!!!! People don't even realize that there practically freezing there arteries as they eat that shit. Thank you for this wonderful post, you took the words right out of my mouth!!!

Kalei's Best Friend said...

She's done some other outrageous ones.. The ones who drool over that should take a look in the mirror.. I feel no sympathy for them when they find out they have clogged arteries, etc... we can't put blame on low self esteem, dysfunctional upbringing.. People need to be accountable instead of giving weak reasons for eating like pigs.. Jaime Oliver's Food Revolution should be in every state

Lolamouse said...

Gotta disagree with you about Paula on this one, d. I'd rather watch her shove a lasagna sandwich she made herself (no different than having bread with your lasagna) into her mouth with gusto and honestly enjoy it than watch some skinny ass bitch like Giada daintily eat a tiny morsel of food. Now, granted no one should eat like that all the time, and fast food chains prey on those who lack the time, money, or control to eat more healthy alternatives, but when Paula kicks off, at least she'll be smiling!

Anonymous said...

That makes me never want to eat again.

Bagel Fairy said...

The thought of the breakfast sandwich burger makes me shudder, but not because of the nutritional aspect. I can imagine working at McDonald's and spending all morning explaining to irate customers why they can't have the burger part yet, and then doing it all over again in the afternoon when people want the egg on it.

I have to endure enough verbal abuse where I work because people whine they can't have soup at 8 in the morning and then others can't believe we won't make a breakfast sandwich at 2. Trying to push a new product that's only available for an hour a day would be an absolute nightmare.

Practical Parsimony said...

I just blogged about not eating all the packages of snacks I found in a box in the dumpster. Maybe I should just rush right out and give it away to people who are not already fat and just give them one of the packages not all of them!

The KFC sandwich makes me sort of ill thinking about it.

If Paula Deen only ate this way once in awhile, it might work. However, I have just seen her stuff way too much food into her face to even want to deal with watching her show.

Research has shown that people who eat less calories each day, actually live longer. I am not talking Karen Carpenter-eating-less types. Dying from undereating seems so sad.

If any of us have ever been starving, we would not use the term so lightly.

Tesakana said...

That's gross, although the last time I went to the local State Fair, I tried a donut burger... Best. Meal. Ever. But I very rarely eat like that.

Xylina Myia said...

She also put Mayo, Butter and something else I forget the third one in almost everything. ALL which are fattening as anything. It makes me wonder why she hasn't had a heart attack or died from one already. I mean seriously there are fat camps for children and they celebrity fat camps. It is just ridiculous that we have this obsession with being stick skinny like models yet most of the people are seriously over weight. I just laugh at the stupidity of this crazy world we live in.

BeMistified said...

OMG I will never forget your quote "She puts more meat in her mouth at one time than a porn star at a gang bang." Made me laugh!

Lauren H said...

If you want to see the ultimate in over-the-top food check out www.thisiswhyyourefat.com It's amazing what people will eat!

jnana said...

I have to agree that you Americans love stuffing yourselves like crazy :/

Wendy said...

Sadly accurate. A new restaurant opened near my house a few months ago that could make the list. Nearly all of their burgers are not just "hamburger." Most of them are layered with cheesesticks, onion rings, and (occasionally) mac n cheese.

Oh, and they have a food "challenge" to see who can kill themselves sooner. The challenge (and I quote)...

"This platter consists of a burger containing three ½ lb patties, complete with a total of six pieces of cheese, six strips of bacon, natural cut fries, and smoked pork - in between 4 grilled cheese sandwiches. The burger is topped with three Walla Walla sweet hefeweizen onion rings and surrounded by three pounds of fries which are topped with our homemade chili, cheddar cheese and diced onions."

tina said...

I have to agree with you on Paula Deen AND the amounts of food people eat! It's SO gross!! I can't stand watching Ms Deen "cook". My arteries are clogging up just thinking about her....She's showing people how to become even MORE obese than they already are!

Anna Renee said...

Paula Deen is my friggin' hero, as that Jet Blue guy is yours!
Because she's boldly ridiculous when it comes to food is the reason I love her so!!! Now I'm not gonna jump off a plane with a beer in my hand nor will I eat a lasagna sandwich. But that somebody will do these things is what makes America great, n'est pas? ;-D

@Anonymous: Now is the time to start!

@Bitchy Waiter: Loving your bitchiness!