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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dear Bitchy Waiter









Dear Bitchy Waiter,

I saw your comment about overpriced dishes at various NYC restaurants and how you'd like to work at one (because of that). What does it take to get a job as a waiter at one of the really high-class, expensive NYC eateries? One would assume, as well, that with high prices, tips would be better or are they, in actuality?
Do tell, plz!

signed,
Curious

Dear Curious:

There are many ways to finagle your ass into a high priced eatery as a server. Of course the best way is to be an impeccable professional with amazing experience and a detailed resume showing it off. However, if you are someone like me who has always worked in low budget, chain, diner crap restaurants, then your best bet is to lie your ass off and hope for the best. Many people ask me how to get a waiting job in New York City when so many places require New York City experience. It's a goddamn catch fucking 22. You need the experience but can't get hired to gain the experience. I often recommend lying in that case as well. When I moved to New York City back in the late 1960's, I had several years of waiting experience under my apron but no one would hire me because I had never done it in New Your City, as if carrying a tray in one state is any different than carrying it in another. So I lied. I added a non-existent restaurant onto my resumé with just a few months of experience on it. In NYC, restaurants come and go so it is no surprise to say that you worked somewhere that is now closed. Just look for a restaurant that recently opened and chances are it was another restaurant a few weeks before. Say you worked there until it closed. If they try to call the place to verify your job history, the number will either be disconnected or the new restaurant will say that the old one closed collaborating your employment dates that you put on your resumé . End of story.

Getting into a fine dining place is a bit harder, but can be done. Simply wait until the restaurant is getting its linen delivery of tablecloths and napkins. When you see the big rolling cart of linens going into the back of the house, all you have to do is climb into it and hide yourself beneath the napkins. Once inside, put on your apron, scope out a section you like and go for it. (Warning: this may not work every time. It is possible you could be arrested for trespassing but it is not a big deal and they usually drop the charges. Usually.)

Good luck with your job search!

Signed,

The Bitchy Waiter


Do you have an issue that The Bitchy Waiter can help you with? Job, personal, relationships? You name it. You can email me here and I will answer one question a week.

8 comments:

Kalei's Best Friend said...

You amaze me.. You have chutzpah and I love it!.

Gabriele Agustini said...

That was great!! (As always!)
And what a good idea having people ask you questions.
To everyone out there -
Be afraid... be very afraid. :)
Love ya!
gabriele

California Girl said...

You don't look old enough to have been waiting tables in the 1960's.

Queen of the Rant said...

BW I gave your blog an award today, but you gotta stop by mine for details...

Jewels said...

hahaha. I loved this post and am so glad that "Queen of the Rant" directed me to you by giving you an award for "blogs with substance" on her page...I was touched and honored to get one too and had to come and check out the others she posted. I'm glad I did. I laughed out loud at the thought of a guy hiding in tablecloths. :-)

Anonymous said...

you are truly and idiot.

Sadako said...

Awesome. Very fun blog, too. I found you through Queen of the Rant's blog, and it's really cool.

Jobsearch said...

Those are great tips that you have to do to make sure that you stand out as a candidate, especially in this economy where employers can get the pick of the litter.