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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Dancing With The Bitchy Waiter

I can't write today because I picked up this really odd job for three days where I will be selling really expensive jewelry at a convention center. God bless Craigslist. I have worked for her before. It's like selling food but instead of a burger on a tray, I am carrying $10,000 worth of necklaces. I dropped a tray last time and realized I was scooping up precious jewels in the same way I would scoop up greasy french fries. Even though I had to get up at 6:45 this morning, I stayed up way too late though in order to watch Carol Brady on Dancing With the Stars. She kinda sucked. But I loved her. Sorry about this lame post. But I must sell jewels today...

I do not watch Dancing With the Stars because I pride myself on not watching vapid and useless reality television. (Not including America's Next Top Model, Make Me a Supermodel, Project Runway, Top Chef, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, Survivor, Wipeout, Design Star, The Next Food Network Star and 16 and Pregnant because I never miss any of those.) But I have never ever stooped so low as to watch Dancing With the Semi-Stars. Okay, I did watch it that one season when Marie Osmond was on it and I got to watch her pass the fuck out on live television and it was great. But other than that, I don't waste my time with that shit. However, I may have to make an exception this year because they have announced their lineup and someone will be dancing that I simply cannot resist watching. No it's not Bristol Palin or The Situation or even Margaret Cho that has made my panties moist. It's Florence fucking Henderson. You know The Bitchy Waiter loves him some Carol Brady. I just do. As proven here. Oh Florence, why won't you call me? Why won't you come to my station and let me serve you? Why are you not my best friend?

Okay, I just needed you to know about that. Carry on.


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11 comments:

Just Plain Tired said...

Florence Henderson is still alive? ;)

I remember her though in the Brady Bunch. She was perhaps the epitome of a MILF shown once a week on television in the 70's.

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Mary A. said...

Wow. Java platform, huh?

And I just looked up MILF. OH MY GOD. JPT totally shocked me. So hard to do.

No one could make fried chicken look as good as Florence.

MMMMMMMMMM fried chicken.

California Girl said...

You must haave really dug it when she lifted up her shirt to show her abs. I was embarrassed...for her. Jeez.

The Ranter's Box said...

It was classic when Florence whipped up her top and flashed her bra and abs in an apparent diss to The Situation.

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

Jeff said...

Too bad the rest of The Brady Bunch were so fucking lame.

Wendy said...

Ya'll commentors can say what you want, but i'm hopin' i can still FEED MYSELF when i'm SEVENTY-SIX FUCKIN' YEARS OLD!!!
And she can dance (sort of), and cuss and kid around and still show her stuff on national tv!
I'm with Bitchy! Go Florence!

Xylina Myia said...

Although she couldn't really dance which is understandable for her age. Man was she hilarious or what? I loved every second of her little intro before she danced. When she dropped the F bomb the first time I laughed so hard. I love her and hope she stays around for a little while.

The Chick in the Chair Perspective said...

Reality TV really sucks so I do depend on you to watch it for me and relay all the good stuff so I can laugh my ass off.
I swear they find the most lame ass "stars" to be on that show but its like watching a train wreck... you know you shouldn't , but you just can't help yourself.

Donda said...

You have an award over at my place www.dailylifewithbipolar.blogspot.com

SharleneT said...

Don't give up... She could still show up... Just believe... Or, send her an email...