Here's the Story of a Lovely Lady

My life missed being perfect and whole by a mere twenty-four hours. I worked on October 11th, but if I would have worked on October 10th instead, my life could have been completely different. Everything in the world would have come together to make sense and my days would be complete for I would have been serving Florence Henderson. Yes, I am speaking of the brilliant actress known the world over as Carol Brady from my favorite television show ever, The Brady Bunch. I was told that she was in the club the night before and when I found out, my heart broke into as many pieces as the vase that Greg, Peter and Bobby broke by playing ball in the house. The Brady Bunch is genius and to have had the opportunity to serve Carol Brady herself would have been a slice of heaven for me. Seriously. I love her.

I love her as much as Marcia loved Davy Jones in episode #63 "Getting Davy Jones." You know the one? Where she is president of his fan club and promises that she can get him to sing at the prom? And she does! She loves him so much that when he knocks on her front door to be her date, she freaks out and slams the door in his face. I would have been like that with Florence Henderson. She would have ordered her drinks and then I would have run away giggling because Carol Brady asked me to brink her a martini extra dry, dirty with olives.

I idolize her like Bobby idolized football superstar Joe Namath in episode #96 "Mail Order Hero" where he and Cindy fake a serious illness just so Joe will come to see him and then he gets to play football in the backyard with him. Okay, I don't really want to play football with Florence, but I idolize her just the same.

I am obsessed. Like when Greg becomes obsessed with baseball and Don Drysdale in episode #26 "The Dropout" and can think of nothing else. His grades slip because all he wants to do is eat, drink and sleep baseball. All I want to do is eat, drink and sleep Florence Henderson. The very thought of serving her makes my head swell up bigger than Marcia's nose did in episode #90 "The Subject Was Noses" when Peter hits her smack in the face with a football.

Alas, I missed my opportunity by one night. Why, oh why could I have not been scheduled for the 10th when the Goddess known as Carol Brady graced my station? I weep with misfortune. And just in case you think this post is not enough about serving, let me briefly mention episode #104 "Marcia Gets Creamed" where she is the afternoon manager at Haskell's Ice Cream Hut and hires Peter who is a crappy waiter and fires him and then hires Jan who is a fantastic server and then mean old Mr. Haskell fires Marcia and keeps Jan instead. Ah, the perils of food service are fraught with difficulty even in the land of Brady.

I did serve one famous person that night; Broadway star
Tammy Grimes. She's cool. Has a couple of Tony Awards. But she ain't no Carol Brady.


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