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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I Do Not Want to Charge Your Phone

Dear Customer,

I don't care about your technology issues. They do not affect me. Please do not ask me if we have an electrical outlet somewhere that you can charge your phone, because this is a restaurant and not an iPhone charging center. Why would you expect me to carry your phone to the side stand for you and charge it just so you can be sure to have enough battery left when you leave to play Angry Birds? No, we don't have any outlets "right here." They are away from you and if I take your phone and plug it in and it's somewhere you can't see it, who is responsible when water is spilled on it or it is stolen? Me. I get that you really want to have enough power to snap a flash photo of your calamari so you can send it to Instagram and Yelp, but it really isn't my problem. The same thing goes for your iPad. And no, I don't have "an extra charger" either. If you ask me to charge your phone, I will say no. I will make up some story about how our manager won't allow us to do it.  If I see some random phone that is being charged in the side stand and I find out that it belongs to a customer, I am going to take that phone and give it to the dishwasher and ask him to go take another picture of his junk. It will be a nice surprise for you when you look at your gallery later: Juan's big uncut burrito. Mucho grande, no?

Do not ask your server to charge your phone. 

Also, I don't know why you don't have a signal in my station. Maybe I would care a little bit more about a signal if I was allowed to have my phone with me while on the floor, but I am not so I don't give a flying T-Mobile fuck about how many bars you have or don't have. Put the goddamn phone in your pocket for thirty minutes and why don't you try to have a real connection with someone for a change, like maybe with the person you came to eat with. Facebook will not dry up and blow away if you don't check-in and no, we don't give any discounts because you are the mayor on Foursquare. I don't know what that means. Stop asking.

For those of you who do have enough battery to take pictures, enough already. At least let me put the goddamn plate down before you start doing a photo shoot of your penne pasta. None of your friends on Facebook are sitting at home waiting to see what you had for dinner. Trust me, they don't care.

In conclusion, let me reiterate that no server wants to take your phone and charge it for you. It is annoying to us and not our responsibility. No amount of "pretty please" is going to make me want to carry your $200 toy away from your table and babysit it for the next half-hour. Do not try to convince me. And remember: if you do find a server to do it, you might just end up with some questionable photos of a very large Latino penis. Actually, maybe for some of you it's worth a shot just to get your own private photos of a burrito dick.

Love, 
The Bitchy Waiter



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25 comments:

mrloro2u said...

If someone asked nicely and it was not an immense amount of trouble for me, I would gladly find a place for them to plug in their device. If they didn't ask nicely...then I'm right there with you, but it seems like an easy enough accommodation for a guest.

Luckie said...

Mr. Loro, you will not feel quite so accomodating when every third table asks you.

Anonymous said...

Um did you not read the liability part. No way I agree how about some actual interaction with whoever you are with.

mrloro2u said...

Yea, that third table asking would definitely be venturing into 'immense amount of trouble for me' territory! Agreed.

Anonymous said...

Omg-what drives me crazy is waiting on a party of 4 with everyone's phone on the table along with side plates, silver, butter, bread, etc.....no frickin room to begin with and youre trying to serve-pour wine or refill water. No one has the common sense to MOVE your damn phones because if I spill water on one-you're Shit Out of Luck. And somehow it will end up being my fault.

Valerie Wespesser said...

I just want you to know that I have spent the last three days reading all of your blog posts, and I adore you. I have never been a server, but by golly, I will definitely be way more attuned to things that might make me an annoying customer. Love you, BW!

bill lisleman said...

Latino penis pics - funny. You should start a policy of all phones must be given to Juan for holding while patrons eat at the restaurant.

Jenn42 said...

Another point, Loro, is why should a restaurant you're going into pay to charge your device?
(and be responsible for it ? and keep an eye on your kids ? and read your mind? and figure out if you know the difference between a latte and a cappuccino before its made? and, and, and.....)

Book Snobbery & Library Tales said...

This is why we play the phone game when I go out somewhere with friends or family, they're all off and/or put away, and whoever decides to do something stupid with it..Gets to pay the bill.
Also, there is no reason to ask your server to charge your phone, you should have done that before going out.
There's no reason to be in a restaurant, take pictures of your food or check into things just because you're there.
Servers aren't there to read your mind, charge your phone and babysit.

Server Please said...

Ugh, soo annoying. Charge your phone BEFORE you go out!! For some reason, my restaurant has outlets all over the damned place and every customer takes it upon themselves to just go plug their phone in. Also, the "get off your phone" thing. I cannot tell you how many tables I have a night full of people that don't even interact with each other because they cant look up from their phones. Really?! And, I know our food and desserts come on pretty plates and the fondue looks soo awesome when its all lit and all, bit at least wait until I set it on the table to start frantically snapping pictures. (I'm looking at you, Asians!) And no, I don't wanna take a picture of your group. You're not even my table, and I'm in the weeds. But I have to because if I refuse I could lose my job.

Sorry, went off on a little rant there. My restaurant is a tourist trap in Boston's Back Bay and ppl can't STOP taking photos of our food and each other...

Practical Parsimony said...

I cannot believe someone would want a waiter to place a phone where the owner could not see it. Things happen. I cannot imagine a waiter wanting to be responsibel for a phone! AND, who in their right mind would put a phone on a table full of drinks and food?

Obviously, I don't get out enough.

I keep a charger in my house and one in my car. If I get in someone's car, I carry my charger. I figure my phone is my responsibility.

Rebecca Cowan-Thompson said...

I personally was raised that if you bring anything to the table, hat, phone, pager, it's off before you sit down.(obvious exceptions being job required devices, i want the doctor to have his pager, selfish but true.) If you have kids be sure to leave a number for the restaurant, i never had a problem searching for a patron with a panicked babysitter on the line, they will find you. I have only said something to customers once. Family of five, each had a phone, they weren't talking at all, but phones blowing up. After fifth or sixth time hearing rings i finally mention that if they don't wish to silence their phones they will have to shut them off. They started talking and the phones never rang again. They had been texting each other the whole time!!!!

Aaron Maynard said...

I was recently at place in Hilton Head Island, SC that actually had charging stations for the patrons to use while they were there. It had a sign that read, "Food For Your Phone"!

Anonymous said...

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Those who can arrange phone charging is great, but customers should realize that this is the exception, not the norm.

If the establishment is built before all these iPhones taking off, they customers should not expect to get charged up while eating there.

And certainly we are not responsible for your phones. Too much liability.

Server Please said...

I did work at a bar for awhile here in Boston that actually has a charging station for various types of phones. However, it is stationary and the guest has to pay for it with their debit/credit card to use it. Which I thought was a fair trade.

maxi said...

I once had a guest ask if she could charge her phone cos she was on call. "Sorry" I say, "The only plug is in the office which is unattended". she says that's ok as she really needs to keep her phone going as she is on call. "But what happens if someone tries to get hold of you when your phone is charging?" I ask. She actually expected me to check her phone every couple of minutes while it was charging! Sure lady, if you don't mind serving yourself....

Ginger C. said...

BW, I found your blog a few days ago and I read all your past posts. Witty, insightful, what a great read. I have you bookmarked on my phone now and look forward to reading new posts! :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, that is definitely a dick move. I've been stranded in a city I'm not familiar with, and I need my phone to look up walking directions. Or, it is getting late at night and I want my phone with me in case of emergencies when I need to walk to home. This costs you absolutely nothing, and every establishment I have been in has been kind of to let me charge their phone. I would definitely go to a different restaurant if you gave me some bullshit story about your manager not letting you charge phones.

cyndi slone said...

Annndd...waiter says: Bye Bitch!

Anonymous said...

I always did this for my tables if I could (I felt obligated, largely because they could see the powerstrips at our POS stations), but it annoyed the hell out of me when it was a camper asking. Pack up your laptop, pay for your cup of coffee, and go home. Or to Barnes and Noble across the street. 99% of the time, it was these people who asked, and rarely politely.

Charles Custon said...

What if the customer tipped better? Or if you could bill them for the phone charging convenience?

Anonymous said...

I had a customer who dragged her chair to the power outlet and just drank free water for hours, giving us all the stink eye

Achat bien said...

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James Riel said...

Hi All, I figured this might be the best place to give my 2 cents on the topic. I'm James, the Co-founder & CEO of Oomf. It's a new charging solution for businesses like bars, restaurants, cafes etc. It's entirely intelligent and portable solution. No more handing your phone to a bartender to find you an outlet, or placing your phone on a special charging pad only available on select tables (Starbucks) or even having to remember to lug around your cables. Oomf chargers are about the size of a drink coaster and have built-in cables for Apple and Micro USB. Just ask for an Oomf, and launch our mobile app to unlock your charger. You can now literally charge your phone from anywhere within the business, at the bar, in the dining room, on the patio, roof deck etc. We've built our chargers to be very intelligent, allowing us to remotely unlock them through our mobile app, manage inventory, prevent theft and to remind you where the closest place to charge up at when your battery is low!
We've got hundreds of businesses already signed up in the Boston area and will quickly be expanding to other cities. We launch January 2016 and we couldn't be more excited. I'm my own customer 90% of the time, one of the main reasons I started the company. We are literally changing the standard for how businesses offer power and I think you'll all love what we are going to do. Check out our Indiegogo campaign to learn more as we're in the final stages of production and are looking to raise the remainder of our capital.
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/portable-mobile-device-charging-everywhere/x/12923811#/