Monday, June 1, 2009

Diaper (#2)

If you read the previous posts, you may recall that some bitch left a diaper at the table one day. An honest to goodness diaper rolled up in a wet ball full of urine. Just left it there on Table 206 next to used napkins, silverware and plates. It turns out I am not the only one who has had this experience. A friend of mine, we'll call her Happy, also knows the joy of food service shared a tale with me.

A few weeks ago an old lady (it's always an old lady...) came into her restaurant to use the bathroom. There is a reason for those signs that say "restrooms are for customers only" but I guess they did not have one. Anyhoo, they let her use it and thought nothing of it. A while after she left, another customer told my friend that the bathroom needed some attention. Apparently, Grandma had a little accident and used their restroom to try to fix the problem. Happy said that the bathroom smelled like a fucking truckstop outhouse. Or maybe one of those porta-potties that get set up at a concert that gets filled with crap all day and then bakes in the sun and produces that smell. You know that smell. Inside the trash can was a Depends diaper that had a fresh deposit in it. Grandma took a supreme dump in her pants and then used Happy's restroom to freshen up and thought it was okay to leave the remnants in the trash can. For real, Grandma?? You already crapped your pants, why not just hold onto it until you get home? Sure you still needed to go to the grocery store for moth balls, Metamucil, and some cat food but you had to stop at a restaurant to funk up the bathroom first? I am certain that leaving the diaper in the trash can did not make you smell any better so why bother? She should have left the load in her diaper, done her shopping, rode the bus home, watched Wheel of Fortune and then changed her diaper. She better steer clear of my place. If I see some old lady going in to the bathroom and there are the tell tale signs of Depends bunching up under her polyester pantsuit I will say, "No! No you may not use our bathroom, Granny Gross Out. Get outta here!"

That's fucking nasty, shit. Literally.