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Monday, December 22, 2008

Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi...who cares?


This lady sat in my booth yesterday and ordered a Diet Pepsi. I told her "oh we only have Diet Coke, is that okay?" thinking that of course it would be okay. It's always okay. Unless you are the bitch that sat at table 204 yesterday. When the words Diet Coke fell from lips she looked like I just donkey punched her. "No Diet Pepsi, seriously?" Yeah lady, for real. So she had to "settle" for a Diet Coke like I care what she drinks. If you really want me to give a shit, then order a cocktail and then have another one so my check will grow into something substantial. Once I told some one we didn't have Diet Pepsi but maybe I could find one, like we have a secret stash of forbidden products in the basement. So I went to the soda gun and poured her a Diet Coke and then I sprinkled some Splenda in it because I think Diet Pepsi is sweeter than Diet Coke. Told her I found a bottle of her precious Diet Pepsi and bitch drank the shit up. I worked at another restaurant once where we never once had Ginger Ale but I sold it every day by putting a splash of Coke into a glass of Sprite and not once did anyone notice. Same thing with coffee and decaf. I serve everyone decaf because I don't need a bunch of caffeinated bitches in my station. And it's too much trouble to make two pots of coffee. No one knows the difference. How many times has someone told me they needed coffee SO bad and I just serve them a big ol' cup of steaming decaf? Every day. And then when I ask them if they feel better, they say "Oh God yes, I just cannot function without my caffeine." Uh huh. Whatever. You will drink what I serve you.
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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am glad we are friends and not enemies. Meghan

Masquerade said...

I do the same thing with coffee all the time. At my old job we had two big urns of coffee instead of pots and we did everything we could to not have to refill those urns, and giving decaf instead of regular was a favorite.

Masquerade said...

Hm, guess I found you before. Sorry if I repeat any stories :P But I wanted to tell you...

Her - I'd like a diet Pepsi.

Me - Sorry, we only have Coke products. Is diet Coke ok?

Her - Sure. (to crotch spawn) What would you like, honey?

Crotch Spawn - Pepsi!

Her - Do you have Pepsi?

Me - *headtableheadtable*

Anonymous said...

I hate you so damn much.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Anon: then why are you here?

modest Goddess said...

You sir, will certainly never starve.

Anonymous said...

I had a table a few weeks ago that asked me for a coke I said pepsi ok? She then goes on to say well what do you give people when they ask for rum and coke? I said I tell them we have pepsi..uh duh!

sarah said...

I do the sprite with splash of coke for gingerale all the time. Sad thing is...we have gingerale, but I am not walking my ass all the way to the bar for some gingerale.

Anonymous said...

Is it so hard for you to give someone what they want? Did you know it is illegal to give some one something different than what they ask for unless you tell them they are receiving something different. Quit being a jerk and do your job the way you need to do your job or just quit and live on the street where you oblviously deserve....