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Monday, December 29, 2008

This is why people should tip

I think everyone should be a waiter for six months of their lives. It would make the world a much better place, I just know it. Most people have never waited tables or if they have they forgot how goddamn shitty it can be to depend on total strangers to pay your income. Do you know what waiters usually make hourly? Less than minimum wage. I make $4.60 an hour. That means if I work 40 hours, I would only get $184 for the whole week. That does not even pay for my internets and phone service. Out of that humongous sum of money, I have to pay taxes on tips (whether I get them or not) and my paycheck is usually zero. That's right, I said zero. Waiters pay taxes on a percent of their sales even if they got stiffed on a check. If I ring up a $75 check and Cunty McCuntcunt decides to leave only $5, the government is still going to tax me as if I had gotten a 15% tip. Uh huh. I pay taxes on tips I don't even get. It sucks. Which is why customers must leave at least 15% for the tip. Some people are too stupid to figure it out, so they just leave 10%. Ignorance is not an excuse. If you need help, just double the tax so you would be leaving about 16%. Out of the tip that we are given then we have to tip out of it to the bartender and the food runner and the busser. I worked at one place once and we had to tip 40% of what we made. That sucked and I only lasted there for three days. But plenty of people work there and have to tip out the coffee girl, the guacamole maker, the hostess and the ass-wiper in the bathroom. If you have a crappy waiter, sure, maybe they don't deserve more than 10%. But a good one deserves 20%. I deserve 25%.


Masquerade said...

Clearly we both deserve at LEAST 50%. I had people tip me $10 on a $9 once. I practically licked their shoes when they gave me a $20 and told me to keep the change.

shmedelle said...

When I was waiting tables and bar-tending, we always said, TIP stands for To Insure Promptness. My brother works in Eastern Europe where tipping is not the norm; he said the service sucks!

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Anonymous said...

do you happen to realize that tax is 5% and less in some states?

Amanda said...

I have read the posts from day one to this one. If you have to put up with as much shit as you do, and have an obvious disdain for the work you do, why not work somewhere else? I don't understand it.