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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I hate desserts!!


The Murphy's Law of food service is that the last table of the day is the one that will keep you there the longest. It never fails. It's like the last table that is sat in your station is destined to make you stay at work longer than you want to. Okay, really the first table sat keeps me there longer than I want to because I don't want to be there at all in the first place.

I was working a ten hour shift recently. Don't even get me started on the whole working for ten hours straight thing. My lazy ass can barely handle four hours so it was like this endless day of customers continuously asking me for things. "Can I get water? Can I get coffee? Can I get eggs? I need this I need that. Me me me!" What about my needs?? I wanted to pull my freaking hair out but I didn't because it looked really really good that day. I had tried a new product that morning and it made my hair all bouncy and shit. I digress. I was scheduled to leave at 9:00 PM which wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't started at 10:30 AM. Seriously, I felt like Abraham Lincoln should come in at any minute with a proclamation or something. My last table was nice enough. It looked like I was going to leave earlier than expected because it had slowed down. Then it happened. As I was presenting them with their check at a mere 8:00 PM and salivating over the possibility of leaving an hour early, they asked to see the dreaded dessert menu. After 9 1/2 hours, well over one hundred people, and close to $1700 in sales, I get to sell my first dessert. Oh boy. I shot her a look from hell as I waited for the next request. "Oh and can we get some coffee?" All day no one had felt the need to have dessert and judging by the hips on this lady she didn't need it either. But she ordered it. I waited about a thousand hours for the kitchen to make the damn thing and rushed it over to her along with the check. Which sat there. And sat there. And sat there. Meanwhile, I sat at the bar feeling my patience grow thinner than the hamburger patties we sell. She didn't eat that dessert. She made love to it in slow motion. She fondled each spoonful with her tongue and then would slowly sip her coffee as I sat near by watching my Golden Years rapidly approaching. By the time she was done I fully expected my first social security check to be waiting for me.

She finally paid her check and said thank you. She left me a nice tip. I was so eager to get out of there, I beat her out of the door. She was still sitting there as I walked past her booth's window. I waved. She looked at her empty coffee cup. It stayed empty unless she helped herself to a refill. I was done for the day.


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6 comments:

The Veteran Server said...

This is hilarious! I just pulled a 12 hour that, I kid you not was supposed to be a 6 hour. I opened at 10:30 am, and was seated my last table, an 8 top, at 3:30pm. I expected to be there a few hours with that one, but they did not leave until 10! They drank and drank and drank. They tipped me an extra 60 on the 40 dollar gratuity, but still. People are insane! And you're right, Murphy's Law does state that the last table will always hang out and get dessert. Great blog! God Bless!

Chris Ferris said...

that was the funniest thing ever darron! i fucking love this blog!

Emily said...

I went out for a meal the other day with my family, and all I kept thinking was, "I bet that waitress hates us!" :P

Logan said...

hysterical. i <3 this blog.

Michael Salvatore Sinatra said...

you are a riot!

i cracked up when i read "social security check to be waiting".

LW said...

I work a 15 hour shift every week, and if it's slow I get to leave after 13 or 14 hours. The days when I want to leave the most, I always get a table right as I'm about to be cut, that will stay until close. Never fails.