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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Kiss My Grits!!


I am dedicating this post to my favorite television waitress of all time. She is the brilliant and perfectly bitchy, but in a nice way, Florence Jean Castlebury. Better known as Flo, she worked at Mel's Diner on the hit television sitcom Alice. It ran from 1976 to 1985 and I watched that shit every week. Yes, I was alive to watch it. I am an old bitchy waiter. Flo was trashy, funny, slutty, easy, bitchy, and tacky. In other words, my hero. She wasn't afraid to tell her boss to fuck off, but because she was on television she had to settle for "kiss my grits." If someone told her that the food sucked she agreed with them and I never once saw her do an ounce of sidework.

I loved her so much I went as her for Halloween a few years ago. When it comes to a Halloween costume, I don't fuck around. I went to town on it. At the time, I was working for a mammoth hotel industry with very strict rules about what to wear and how to behave. I won't say which one in order to protect their vision of how an employee of theirs should behave while working for them and afterwards. It was Marriott. I asked them one October if we would be allowed to dress up for Halloween. They foolishly said yes. They probably thought I would wear a silly hat or put some stupid ass ears on my head. No no, uh uh. I dragged my ass up to work an hour early and went full drag. Bra, panties, slip, wig, earrings, make up, the works. I sashayed into the dining room and their jaws dropped. I was Flo. I spent the whole day in character. My tables didn't know what to do with me. We served a lot of attorneys and judges and businessmen and they could not handle me. I called them "sugar" and "sweetie" and told them what they wanted before they told me. They were filled with discomfort that there was a man dressed up like a lady and he was flirting with them. The next year, we were not allowed to wear a costume. But that year I had a blast. And I won the costume contest too. Best tip of the day.



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14 comments:

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Uh huh, I know I look good.

purplegirl said...

That is AWESOME.

chris f said...

this has to be one of my favorites...SOOOO FUNNY!

a nervous complaint said...

You left out the part where you stopped traffic in Times Square at midnight in that get up.

JonathanC said...

That's so bad ass! You ROCK! I fuckin' love this blog.

eternalcarryoutgirl said...

FANTASTIC. More guts that I'll ever have!

JumpIt said...

LOVE it!

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Hi going to try to link on to your url to get you so I can read your post.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I don't get it I type in thebitchywaiter and I don't get your updates. email me maybe I am doing something wrong.

Anonymous said...

I was looking for details for my waitress costume, and came across your blog - you rock! I'm not kidding, I couldn't look as good as you in that get-up on my best day. Great costume idea, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you were in character all day. People need to get over themselves - and get to appreciating you! Great job. Love the shoes, and the hair!

Terri

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Mustang Sally said...

Great costume! One of my favorite Halloweens I was working at a Denny's and I dressed as a cowgirl complete with holster and cap guns. I was totally surprised that they didn't take my cap guns. And yeah, I just shot everyone that gave me any lip. Had a ball that night.

Meghan said...

BW you are the best! How can we make the blog blow up??

Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious. Literally laughing out loud.