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Saturday, September 19, 2009

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE: Suze Orman


It has been brought to my attention that Suze Orman went onto the Oprah Winfrey show some time ago to give some sound financial advice to all the Oprah-ites who bow down to the feet of the great and powerful O. Suze Orman is the financial guru who has all the answers in the world when it comes to saving money and making money work for you. If you had any money to begin with, that is. Her sage wisdom that she passed on to people was apparently to reach into my pocket and take the spare change from it and then put it in their own. Uh huh, Suze told people to rape me hard and true, and not in a good way. She suggested that in order to save money in these uncertain economic times people should only go out to dinner once a month. Okey dokey, Suze Whoreman, good advice. I do the same thing when I am pinching pennies. Then she said that if you do go out, then skip the appetizer. Alright, Oozie Orman, I can see your point. I have done that as well. Then the bitch went one step too far. She said that when it comes time to tip you should just leave 10% instead of 15%. What is this Oozing Whoremonger of a bitch telling people to do? First of all, 15% is not enough of a tip; I want 20%. But she is telling people to leave 10%. Somebody needs to hold me down because I want to stalk this bitch and strangle her with her own ugly clothes. I want to pull out every one of her too-white tooth out of her head and then I want to do the same thing to the teeth in her vag. I want to take that thumb that she is always thumbs-upping with and stick it up her ass.

Let's just say I sell $1000 worth of food one night. If people leave 15% I would get $150 but then tip out the busser and bartender 3% of sales which would be $30 letting me walk with $120. If people left 10%, then I would only walk out with $70 because I would have to tip out on my sales regardless of what I made in tips. That is a big difference, Suze. Forty dollars less a night times five nights is a difference of $200 a week or $800 dollars in one month! Meanwhile, the douchebag that took her advice and only goes out to eat once a month and leaves only 10%? How does it affect him? Let's say the bill for him and his ugly fat girlfriend was $40. He leaves four dollars instead of six dollars saving him a whopping two dollars for that month. Or in other words, $24 for the year. Wow, what a difference that makes for him. Just by listening to that Pud Muncher, Suze Orman, he saved twenty-four whole fucking dollars in a whole year while I was robbed of $9,600.

Good advice. Thanks, Oprah for letting that horrid woman onto your show to spew such utter nonsense to the people who will no doubt take the pearls of wisdom to their pocketbooks. Suze Orman better watch it. If she turns up in my station some day, I hope she likes the taste of bacteria. Because I will dig to the bottom of the ice machine and find some slimy ass black mold and drop it right into her glass of cunt juice, or whatever the hell she orders to drink. Fellow waiters, I advise you to do the same.

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17 comments:

Michelle said...

Some of these people don't realize that tipped employees don't make minimum wage in most places. Granted the some of us that work in competitive areas do but I have had friends in other states that make $5.25 plus tips and have to tip out their bussers, hostesses, bar and such..I've been bitchin about that show for months. Its cool to see someone hear about it!!!

Brunnhilde said...

Suze Orman is devil spawn. Her eyes are always crazed in her photos and it's clear she doesn't have a sincere bone in her skinny-assed body. Her shitty advice re stiffing wait staff is only one of her many Satanic rules for creating misery on this earth. She should be shunned like the creepy leper she is. Cheers to you for calling it like it is.

Brunnhilde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Liz said...

I am an ex-server and have become addicted to The Bitchy Waiter and his blogroll after the last few days. I am appalled by treatment you recieve from customers, management, and now, the media! I know blogs are a way to vent, and that it is only part of the story, but I really think that servers should unionize. Although that is a huge step (but a realistic one, imho), you can still fight back!Start by writing Oprah and politely telling her why Suze Orman is dead wrong, and makes her (Oprah) look bad.

Being thrifty is a virtue, but being cheap shows that you have no class.

eternalcarryoutgirl said...

I've always disliked Suze Orman, and now I have a good reason for it.

purplegirl said...

I knew I didn't like that woman. What a fucking witch.

Coffey0072 said...

Wow, just wow...
%10 tip. Who the F*CK has the eggs to do that that anymore?? People are better off STAYING HOME then! How insulting!

Anonymous said...

Neither Suze Orman nor Oprah said to tip only 10%. Go to www.snopes.com
See for yourself.My brother is a server. I was one when I was 19. I am 65 now. If I couldn't afford to tip 15%, I should stay home. I usually tip 20%

Anonymous said...

I like this blog. I'm male and I always leave 20% and never less than $5 on bills under $25. Cheers. My daughter and mother-in-law were waitresses and taught me how to tip....
Garbo

Garbo said...

Just happened to think that no one brought up how much state and/or federal tax is paid for tips. I seem to recall being told that waiters have to file on 10% of their bills no matter how much the get tipped. (??)
Garbo

Anonymous said...

Well, with posts like this I wonder why one should ever tip. Honestly, you don't deserve a thing.

Ann Marie said...

Does anyone EVER check to see if a rumor is true before they bitch? I couldn't give a rat's ass about Suze Orman or Oprah, but there's no evidence the Suze ever said this, and sure as hell not on the Big O.

Fucking Google, people. There are thousands and thousands of real asshole customers, including celebrities if that's what you care about.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you shold do some research before you post about gossip:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/oprahtip.asp

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Fox said...

Orman is a cheap bitch whose entire get rich quick scheme involves pinching every penny to the point where you can't enjoy life even a little. She'd fit right in with the Puritans.

As for tipping out the bussers, etc., this is why I always slip a $5 or $10 bill to the waitress in addition to what I "officially" put on the credit card slip. Making her whole is the least I can do.

Anonymous said...

I always tip 20% or more. Once service was soooo terrible at a restaurant I tipped 18%. Having said that I will tell you Suze's advice allowed me to pay off my house and be financially ok in times of horrific economic negativity. Many of my friends lost their very upscale homes to bancrupcy or forclosure. I followed her advice and bought a home I needed not one I wanted and did not immediately go out and put tens of thousands of dollars on a credit card for brand new furntiture when I bought my home. Because of this I am still able to go out and tip my servers well, my hairdresser and any other service people 20% tip at a minimum. The tip thing by Suze is over the top, I agree, but a lot of her advice is sound and I am ok and sleep well at night because of my financial situation unlike many of my friends and co-workers.