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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Move, People, Move


Why can't people move the hell out of my way? Last night at work, the show had more performers than there were audience members. There were about 525,600 singers and about 15 paying guests. What that meant was all of the singers were milling about the room and sitting wherever the hell they wanted making it near impossible to serve drinks to the people who were there to see the show. Wouldn't you think if I consistently bump into your chair every single fucking time I walk past you, then just maybe your chair is too far out into the aisle and you should pull it in a bit? You would think, but not with these folks. One man didn't want to sit inside the booth, he wanted to sit with his legs sticking out of the booth so when I walked past him, I slammed the hell out of his knee. It was really hard, Like Joan Crawford on Christina kind of hard. It was an accident, but he didn't move it. No, really it was an accident. The first time. And then after the show, all the singers wanted to stand around and compliment each other and hope to get a compliment in return. It was ridiculous. They just stood there with needy looks on their faces that said, "Somebody please tell me I was good. Please?" But they didn't get out of the way. I had to squeeze past them about twenty times.Once a lady even said, "oh dear, we are totally in your way, I'm sorry." But she didn't move. She was just sorry.

And it's not just at work either. On an escalator, why do people have to just stand there? If you are going to stand on an escalator, then do it on the right side, so those of us who still recall how to walk up stairs can continue to do so. And at the grocery store, it is not okay to park your stroller with your sleeping baby in the middle of the aisle. I will push sleeping baby out of the way in order to get to my Amy's mac and cheese. And on the subway, when I am getting off the train, do not stand directly in front of the doors so I can't get off. I will shove through you and knock your ass out of the way, little old Asian lady.

Bottom line: Get outta my way, baby. Get. Out. Of. My . Way.

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10 comments:

dirtydisher said...

Dumb fucks are one thing, but, the ones that do it on purpose are intolerable. They get some perverse sense of pleasure out it..control freaks. Spill tomato juice on them. Ooooppps, sorry. (A-hole.)

Heidi said...

Oh I love Amy`s mac and cheese also. I would knock somebody over too.

Joseph said...

"It was really hard, like Joan Crawford on Christina kind of hard." That line is classic. Thanks for your posts.

Ashley B said...

I work at a small music Venue in Houston and could not feel this pain more. I love how at first you say "excuse me" and they move then move DIRECTLY back into the same spot where they were in the way to begin with and you either A) stop saying Excuse me and just power through or B) start screeching it. My favorite is when you bump their Knee, elbow, ear, etc it usually is an accident the first time, but if you do it twice, maybe they need to realize that they're the problem and MOVE!!! Also why is it that when ppl park strollers or grocery carts in the middle of the aisle and decide to compare nutrition facts of the back of cake mix do they look at me like I ran over their dog b/c I move the cart and or stroller?

Pseudo Waiter said...

I feel for you. The other day I had a woman sitting in the isle and when I asked her to move in she said that she was claustrophobic and couldn't sit so close to the wall. "Ok then, just so you know the servers are going to bang your chair every 30 seconds, but if you are more comfortable that way..." Shortly afterwards her claustrophobia disappeared. I love it.

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