I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover

Today is March 17th so it's the day that we all give ourselves permission to take off from work an hour early, pour ourselves a pint of green beer and celebrate the legend of Saint Patrick. I decided to do a little research on him so I delved into the wonderful world of wikipedia and learned that he was a Christian missionary in Ireland and he died in 493 AD. He spent some time as a slave and then he became a bishop and then he banished snakes from the whole island of Ireland. Now color me surprised, but I always thought that Saint Patrick must have been some Guinness drinking leprechaun who only had one purpose in life and that was to get totally trashed on March 17th. Turns out that the 17th is the day he died, so we are commemorating his death by slurping down shamrock shakes at McDonald's and wearing green ties and socks. When I worked at Bennigan's, St. Patrick's Day was a huge thing. We had some kind of countdown to March 17th and when the day finally arrived, people would cram themselves into the place and get trashed, all in the name of this wonderful Christian missionary who died 1500 years ago. And the only Irish thing about Bennigan's was the name. The kitchen would always throw together some crappy ass special of corned beef and cabbage and then we'd sell Guinness drafts for a dollar less than usual and people would pour into that place like it was St. Patrick's Cathedral. They'd all have on their "Kiss Me I'm Irish" buttons and their green berets and basically just get on my non-Irish nerves. If I could have anything today, it would be to find a four-leaf clover and make a wish that frat boys wouldn't get so drunk that they had to throw up on the 7 train. Do we really need another excuse to go to restaurants and drink to the point of no return? Can't people observe this special day by having a bowl of Lucky Charms in the morning, saying a prayer on a rainbow, finding a pot of gold and staying out of my station?

Happy St. Patrick's Day from The Bitchy Waiter.