Get some Bitchy Waiter in your email!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Must. Eat. Pie.


Does anyone else have their foot in their mouth so often that you have grown accustomed to the taste? Do you look at your toes as appetizers and your feet as the main course with a side of crow for dessert? Generally I am pretty good about keeping my thoughts just that: something that I alone can hear, but occasionally my insides bubble over with rage and frustration and my voice spews out what my brain is thinking. Sometimes it's possible to mask it with humor and people don't realize how much truth there is in the statement. Example: A customer comes in ten minutes before closing and says, "Oh, is it okay if we eat now? Are you going to hate us?" And then I say, "No. it's fine, but the kitchen crew will not be happy and are going to be cursing you and your unborn children." Then I laugh and roll my eyes and touch them on the elbow and say, "just kidding." But I'm not kidding.

A few years ago, I was serving a a party of ten or twelve people. They were all really loud and none of them would pay any attention to me when ever I tried to talk to them. Throughout the meal, I got progressively more frustrated with them and they never even noticed. By the time their plates were cleared and I was asking about dessert and coffee they had completely forgotten that there was a waiter there. Repeatedly, I asked if anyone wanted anything and only the lady next to me paid any attention and ordered an apple pie ala mode. Clearing my throat, I repeat, "So does anyone want dessert or coffee? Anyone? Hello??" Again, they all ignored me. I had had it. "OKAY! So the only one that wants dessert is the full figured gal up here at the head of the table??" Did I really just say that? The table got quiet and all looked at me and then they looked at the fat ass who wanted pie. A deathly silence hung over the table and it seemed to last longer than The Blind Side (starring Academy award winner, Sandra Bullock) as everyone looked at Fat Ass to see how she was going to respond to the horribly rude waiter who had just insulted her in front of her friends. She paused. I held my breath. I looked at her. She slowly turned her head in my direction and our eyes locked. And then she said, "That's right I'm the only one who wants dessert, I guess, so bring it on!" And then she laughed. I laughed and told her I would be right back with it. I comped it. My inside voice thought it was the least I could do. I had once again firmly planted my foot inside my mouth which was better than having it in her mouth because she would have eaten it. Bitch was hungry.

Share/Bookmark

8 comments:

dirtydisher said...

You didn't!!!!!! LMAO!

Anonymous said...

OH MY...you did not!...OH YOU DID...I just cringed. Thankfully she took it in stride, but was probably sobbing on the inside. At least you comped the Pie!

Generic Viagra said...

holy cow!!! what is that? is that a human being? and I really ask you this, I'm not joking about that, for the God sake! someone could find her a diet and some low fat snacks please!

Anonymous said...

there you go again touching people.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Anonymous: What's up? For someone who hates me so much, you sure have spent a lot of time on my blog. If you don't like it, stop reading it. Commenting on every post is wasting your time, because if you're going to be an ass, it just won't get posted. Cool?

Jennifer said...

Most stupendous. I said something bad to a table once...it's so bad I can't repeat it. I like that you told your story.

Anonymous said...

so glad others have had this type of thing happen to them.

Seattle Seahawks blog said...

I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.
http://anhmillark.fotopages.com/?entry=10836483
http://ameblo.jp/anhmillar/entry-11918835137.html
http://yaplog.jp/anhmillar/archive/21