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Friday, May 21, 2010

Today is National Waitstaff day

All hail to the servers. Today is May 21st and it's National Waitstaff Day. I never even knew that this day existed, but now that I do, it's the most important day of my entire year. Other than my birthday. And Halloween. Okay, so it's the third most important day of the year. No, wait, Halloween is third, National Waitstaff Day is second. Oh shit, I forgot about Cinco de Mayo. Okay: my birthday, Cinco de Mayo, National Waitstaff Day and then Halloween. Anyhoo, someone somewhere determined that May 21st is the day that we show our gratitude to the person who has to take orders and carry food for a living. If you are a server, wear your apron with pride today. And do not be hesitant to mention to every single table that today is your day. It will only increase your tips. On National Secretary's Day, they all get flowers and taken to lunch. On our day, we also deserve a few things:
  • 40% tip
  • attitude free customers
  • free shift meal
  • free shift drink
  • no separate checks
  • free shift drink
  • no orders for hot tea
  • free shift drink
  • no extra lemons
  • no crying babies who throw Cheerios in our stations. In fact, no babies allowed in the whole fucking restaurant.
  • no bitches
  • no sidework
  • we deserve respect! At least for today.
So go out there and use this day to your advantage. Have a drink before work and you will discover that waiting tables is so much more tolerable when you have a good healthy buzz. And if your manager has a problem with you being a wee bit tipsy at work, you just say to him, "Fuck off, dude. It's National Waitstaff Day." And if your table is upset that you brought out the wrong food, you just mention what today is and they will forget about every mistake you made and then dig deep into their pockets and shower you with money and praise.

Happy National Waitstaff Day, y'all. We rock! Share this post with everyone you know, okay? More people need to know about this special day. May 21st. (Bewtween Cinco de Mayo, National Waitstaff Day and my birthday, May is the coolest fucking month of the year.)



SkippyMom said...

Additonally [cause I like your list so much] allow me to add:

1. One ramekin of ranch. ONE.
2. One basket of free bread. ONE.
3. No "allergies" [I don't mind true allergies, but lady no one is allergic to spicy food - it just upsets your tummy. One word: TUMS]
4. This holiday needs to be rescheduled in two years because it will fall on a Sunday - but may I add - No church people with fake "twenties" that are trying to save my soul.
5. Lunch ladies who actually tip.
6. And don't run my heiny off - ask for your ketchup, napkins and third soda at once.
7. Come to think of it - NO REFILLS.

hmmmm...that was theraputic. hee thanks!

Anonymous said...

I don't give hand-outs to lazy motherfuckers, so waiters can go die in a fire, for all I care.

Cynthia said...

Happy National Waitstaff Day!!

This is your special day, and here is my present to you!

Please seat yourself at that fancy, linen covered table over there and I will wait on YOU!
With kindness, consideration and extreme politeness. And when you have finished your fab FREE meal with all the liquor you can hold, and are ready to leave - HOLD ON! Here's your extra large tip from me to you, just because you're the BEST CUSTOMER EVER!
Thank you.
And have a happy birthday, too!

dirtydisher said...

When is national Tarot card reader's day?

dirtydisher said...

2:34 AM, I just cursed you. Your food shall contain fecal matter from this day foreward. Eat up, twat.

韋于倫成 said...