It was a special night at work a few evenings ago. The whole audience knew each other because they were all there to support one of their own from their local Long Island Community Theater. It was like they were there for the yearly trek into New York City and I was the one who would benefit from this mass migration. I knew things would be odd when I went to my first table.
After I explained the whole two drink minimum thing and they let that sink into their over-processed heads of hair, lady number one informed me that she would like a "milky drink." I wasn't sure what she wanted since we're not a fucking Dairy Queen. I suggested a white chocolate martini since it has a cream liqueur . "Naaaaa." I then suggested a Bailey's and cream. "Naaaaa." Her friend suggested a Pina Colada. I had to tell her we don't do Pina Coladas because we don't have a blender since we are a performance venue and it would be too loud, but her friend said I could just stir it. And to make sure I knew what she meant, she spun her fingers in a circle. Oh, stir it, thank you. "Naaaaa." Tap tap tap went my pen on my pad. She finally decided on a Kahlua and milk, very little Kahlua and almost all milk. Yum.
Table number two. Three Pinot Grigios and one white zinfandel. With two sides of ice. Do I need to say anything more about them?
Table number three wanted a Dewar's and water, but not too strong. I gave her a rocks glass filled with Dewar's and water just like she asked and I put extra water in it so the glass was pretty full. "Is there water in that?" Yes. "Are you sure?" Let's see, unless my short term memory is so bad that I can't recall what I did 45 seconds ago, then I am certain that put water in it. Besides that, the glass is almost full to the top, so that would have been a lot of Dewar's. Three minutes later she was at the bar asking for more water because she wasn't sure I had put any in it. Okay. Next time order a glass of water with a splash of Dewar's.
When it came time to give them the checks, one table was confused by the total. Surely I had made a mistake and added something extra to their check because there was no way that four people could spend that much in such a short amount of time. I looked at the check. It was right. New York City is expensive. Maybe a glass of Zinfandel is cheaper on Long Island but I bet you don't get to have your drinks brought to you by The Bitchy Waiter. Have a safe return to your own little world.