As I contemplate the idea of going to graduate school I worry about how being a student with a long term goal will greatly affect my daily alcohol intake. Yes, I am moments away from getting on the 1 train and taking my ass to a institute of higher learning to discuss my future. Can't you just see me as a teacher? I care about children so much that I want to take their brains and mold them into what I think they should be. I want to contribute to the future of our country. I want to be someones favorite teacher. I want my summers off. But at what cost?
Last night at work, my manager was creating and testing some new cocktails for the fall menu. Since I am a team player, I volunteered to taste each one and give it the thumbs up or thumbs down. You probably already know that I gave none of them the thumbs down. How can you thumbs down something that has vodka in it? It's just not possible. He made a delicious caramel apple martini that had Apple Pucker and Caramel vodka in it with a splash of vanilla liqueur. His plan is to garnish that bitch with a caramel square. Was it good? Hells to the yes it was good. I tasted it many times just to make sure that it was fit for consumption and it passed my (not very high at all) standards. As I continued working with a slight buzz from that cocktail and the other martini he had made with vodka and Elderflower and splash of cranberry, I thought about how lucky I am that I work somewhere that lets me imbibe on occasion. Will it be that way when I am a teacher at some high school? I imagine no. I could be wrong though. My government teacher Miss McCoy always seemed like she was talking while trying to hold in a burp, so maybe that thermos was full of coffee spiked with Kahlua. (And on a side note: I am sorry Miss McCoy that I pretended to be so dumb in your class. I really did know that the State of the Union address was not about a particular state but instead about the overall condition of our country. I was just doing that to make my friends laugh. But it was pretty funny when I said that, right? Are you even alive, Miss McCoy?)
Do kids still bring their teachers apples to class? And if so, would it be appropriate for me to request apple infused vodka instead? And is it looked down upon for a teacher to bring a shaker of margaritas to the cafeteria on Taco Tuesday? And if I am hungover one day and my first class is at 7:30 AM, is it alright to call in sick for that homeroom and then show up to work at 10:30 instead? Or is it better to just go to work and have the class take a quiet time where we turn off the lights and lay our heads down on our desks? These are all the questions that I hope to have answered by the advisor at the college today. Look out, kids. Mr. Bitchy Waiter could be in a classroom near you. And if you want an easy A, just slide me a gift card to Charlie's Discount Liquor Depot and you're golden. Just like a Golden Delicious apple that I will slice up later to garnish my next apple martini.
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