Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Dear Abby versus Dear Bitchy Waiter

Thank you to everyone who alerted me to this Dear Abby column that happened over the weekend:

DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I recently went out to eat and I was put in an awkward situation. One of them announced that I had left a big tip when I paid my bill. Abby, I always leave a generous tip. I was raised well below the poverty line, and my mother's tips literally determined how much we would be able to eat that day. The co-worker who said it became upset with me and began lecturing me about how "rude" it is to leave a large tip, especially when you're with other people. She even said it "degrades" the server.
My mom may have raised me differently than most people, but I was taught that it's OK to leave a big tip as long as you don't announce it to everyone. Was what I did considered rude? -- GENEROUS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR GENEROUS: No. The person who was rude was your co-worker, for making a spectacle. She probably did it because your tip made hers appear to be stingy. Diners leave tips based upon the quality of the service they receive. If you felt your server merited it, you were right to leave a large tip.
P.S. I have never heard of a server feeling "degraded" because of a large tip. Grateful, yes. Degraded, never!

Of course the response was sweetly written by Dear Abby, but I have my own response that I think is just a little bit better and more to the point:

DEAR GENEROUS: God bless your little pea-picking heart for knowing that servers depend on tips. Your mother must have been a very wise woman and she raised a magnificent child in you. As for your co-worker, she is a tired dried up piece of shit for brains bitch who was totally embarrassed that you made her look like the cheap nasty whore that she is. Maybe she should tie an apron around her waist for a couple of weeks and see what it's like when someone leaves her a crap tip. Severs do not feel degraded by big tips. Maybe she thinks that it looks like pity or a hand-out when really it is just a customer's way to say "job well done." You want to know when servers feel degraded? They feel degraded when customers bark orders at them without ever saying "please" or "thank you." They feel degraded when they are left a few coins on the table after they have busted their hump to make sure that the meal was everything the customer wanted it to be. They feel degraded when asked "so what's your real job" or "what's your back-up plan for your future?"
Leaving a big tip is not rude. Rude is ignoring the server who is trying to set the entree down while the customer is busy taking a fucking picture of his cocktail to send to his Facebook page. Rude is when a customer lets their child run freely around the whole restaurant bothering other guests and making it dangerous for employees who are carrying around big heavy steaming plates of food. Rude is when a customer stays at their table an hour after paying the check making it impossible to turn the table so that the server can actually make money while at work. Leaving a big tip is the opposite of rude.
Generous, you were right in what you did. I hope you left the tip that you wanted to leave and did not let that cheap bitch interfere with your good intentions. As for your friend, I suggest you cut her loose from your life. If she's just a co-worker, then leave it at that. She is not someone you want to have anything to do with. Nobody likes her and you were probably the last person who could still stand being around her which is another credit to your mother who obviously taught you to respect other people. This person does not deserve respect. All she deserves is a punch in the cunt and a big bag of bed bugs. 
The Bitchy Waiter

There you have it. Based on this thoughtful response, I should totally have my own syndicated advice column in a magazine. I am so fucking helpful and shit. If you agree, please "like" this and let's make it happen.

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Shayoni said...

how can you be rude when you are presenting something to someone who deserves it?

If someone is serving you properly and you gave a nice tip then I cannot see why that stupid s**t headed co-worker FELT that way.

What if she works her a** off and her employer pays only 10% just in case that she feels ...you know.....'DEGRADED'

Maria said...

I deeply, deeply love you.

Mary A. said...

ITA that you deserve a syndicated column. And your own Talk Show. I would get Ti-Vo if you had your own show. I totally would.

Suzy Q said...

I once had a co-worker get pissed at me because I tipped in addition to the automatic large group gratuity. I knew our group had been demanding, and I wanted to make sure the guy knew he was appreciated.

Anonymous said...

RUDE is ignoring your server when they ask how your meal is or if you need anything. "umm...ok then..."

Love your blog!

Sarah F said...

I love how you say exactly what you feel. It takes a lot to make me actually "lol" but every time I read a post by you I'm a kegel away from peeing my pants. :) haha. Thanks for another awesome post. :)

Anonymous said...


On July 4, 2012, I watched the "Dr. Phil" show. You were allowed some air time to express your opinion about unruly children in restaurants. You also had the opportunity to mention the name of your blog.

The blog sounded interesting so I made a decision to check it out and found that you use abusive and vulgar language to get you point across.

Just so you will know, I usually tip 20% of my bill when I eat out and even more if the service was exceptional.

When I go to a restaurant that has a buffet, I still leave a great tip for the service.

I am on the side of the servers. I understand that they depend on the tips to make a living.

But you, sir, have an attitude that you need to change.

To be honest with you, I wouldn't want to go to a restaurant where you were the server.

It seems you are already looking for bad customers before they even sit down.

Kelly said...

^Really, anonymous? Servers only deserve good tips if they don't drop F bombs?

You're worse than the people who say servers should "just get another job" and have no right to complain, because apparently in your world they're only allowed to complain if they don't use language that makes you uncomfortable.

And if you think for a second that the writer literally and truly wants to punch that woman in the cunt and give her bedbugs, then you're obviously missing the point of the blog altogether.

euphoric_mania said...

If someone thinks they can "degrade" me by handing me a large sum of money, then I have to remind them; a fool and his money are soon parted.

Titia said...

When I was a waitress, I never felt degraded because they gave a large tip. That just made me provide top service for them when they returned. I have had customers tip me in change because they thought it was a joke. If you can't afford the tip then just don't tip, don't be rude.

And for all those complaining about what he writes about. Get your life. Lets be honest. People are rude to waiters and feel that they can take out all their anger out on them. Even on things they obviously cannot control. There is nothing like trying to provide all this great service to people for them to treat you like shit during the whole meal or at the end of the meal. I have been there it sucks.

Anonymous said...

I don't really know the behavior of that particular woman, but these rude people who ignore the server who's trying to give them their food, letting their kids run everywhere etc. really DO need to be punched in the cunt/balls, why are they even IN the restaurant ORDERING food if they don't want to eat it. If they're just there for a nice ooh lalala pretty little cocktail to photograph and put on Facebook, then why don't they just get the dam cocktail and photograph it and drink it and PAY and leave a nice TIP and call a taxi because the few brain cells they have left won't belong anywhere NEAR the wheel...???

Anonymous said...

I always loved a large tip. What I loved even more was a large tip by an attractive stranger, who was also kind enough to leave his phone number.

Anonymous said...

What did you expect with a blog name of BITCHY waiter? Duh!

Unknown said...

Anytime anybody is rude, it makes me double-check my own behavior to make sure I don't do that to other people. See the link below for more info.