Waiter, There's a Spot on My Glass

Have you ever had a table ask for a mug of hot water and then when you bring it to them, they use it to sterilize their forks and knives because they think they aren't clean enough? Usually, it's an old lady who does this and then she makes her brow-beaten husband do it too. It's like they think we don't have a highly skilled and well-paid dishwasher in the kitchen making sure each and every plate, glass and utensil is sparkling clean. All dishwashers I have ever worked with take immense pride in their job and want to ensure cleanliness for all. I should know, because it was my first job in the food service industry. Just kidding. Dishwashers don't give a shit. How many times have you seen a fork that had a dried piece of whatever the fuck on it and rather than going to find a new one, you just scrape it off and give it to a table? Or what about when you see a wine glass with lipstick on it? The right thing to do is get the lipstick off with a napkin and then run it through the dishwasher again but plenty of times, I feel that the napkin wipe is good enough. I'm not saying that it's right, I'm just saying that it happens. Whenever I eat in a restaurant I work in, I use the to-go utensils. The ones that come in the little plastic bag with a napkin, salt and pepper are the only ones that I know are clean enough for me. Picture the knife that is being used to spread butter across that delicious hot roll. That knife is the same one that I wedged under table 23 yesterday to keep it from wobbling. Or that spoon being used to eat smooth creamy vanilla ice cream? Yeah, I used that spoon a few days ago to cram down the sink and unclog the drain. Or what about the salad bowl? Yep, that was under the same sink last week catching the drip from the drain that I unclogged with the spoon.

One place I worked (crappy ass VYNL, 78th and Second) often had a problem with the dishwasher. The machine, I mean and not the highly trained man who ran the machine. It would not work and the poor guy would have to do it by hand. Or maybe the hot water was out so it was going through the machine but only using cold water. One day when I got to work, my co-worker told me to make sure to use plastic forks and to-go containers when I ate that day. I always did anyway, but asked him why. "No soap." Uh huh, we were fucking running the dishwasher without soap. Think about that the next time you're licking your plate clean. Bon fucking appetite.