How To Call a Waiter

Wanna know how to get the attention of your server? There are a lot of ways to do it and I want to make sure that people know the right way as opposed to snapping your fingers across the room. Granted, some servers pay little or no attention when they're on the floor (guilty as charged) and maybe a snap is the only thing that will work. I find that a simple knowing look to your server is all it takes. A look that says, "Hey there, man. I know you're busy as hell and you have a crappy job and all, but if you get a chance could you please maybe pop by my table and refill my water? If you can't it's cool. I understand. Just thought I'd ask. Thanks anyway." That kind of look is all it would take for me to fill up their water. Sadly, most people don't have the muscle adaptivity to complete such a complex facial expression and instead belch out the words, "water" as they point to their empty glass repeatedly.

Another way that people will try to get their waiter's attention is by reaching out their hands to actually touch them. That is so not cool. I do not want to be touched by someone I don't know unless of course we are in a situation where that type of behavior is expected and appreciated. At a bar or spouse-swap party? Yes. At work? No. If I am at another table taking an order and I feel someone tapping me on the shoulder only to turn around to see the dickwad from table 102 standing there and asking for another piece of bread, I will not be happy. No touching.

Yelling my name is also unacceptable but very rarely happens to me because of one simple reason: I don't tell people my name. All that happens when you do that is they use your name over and over again. It gives customers a false sense of camaraderie and the misleading idea that I care and that I want them to use my name. I don't care. Or want them to use my name. And unless they are going to introduce themselves with a "Hi, my name is Bitty McBitchBitch and I will be dining in your section today," I will not be telling them my name.

Let us review. If you are in need of your server and want his attention, just give him a look. If you can't successfully interpret the look I wrote about before, then just try this instead. Look at your server. When he catches your eye, smile a bit, thrust your chin forward a bit and raise your eyebrows. Try that right now. And do it again. You see how easy it is? With this simple exercise, you will guarantee a full glass of water every time you need it. Congratulations.