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Sunday, January 31, 2010

How To Call a Waiter


Wanna know how to get the attention of your server? There are a lot of ways to do it and I want to make sure that people know the right way as opposed to snapping your fingers across the room. Granted, some servers pay little or no attention when they're on the floor (guilty as charged) and maybe a snap is the only thing that will work. I find that a simple knowing look to your server is all it takes. A look that says, "Hey there, man. I know you're busy as hell and you have a crappy job and all, but if you get a chance could you please maybe pop by my table and refill my water? If you can't it's cool. I understand. Just thought I'd ask. Thanks anyway." That kind of look is all it would take for me to fill up their water. Sadly, most people don't have the muscle adaptivity to complete such a complex facial expression and instead belch out the words, "water" as they point to their empty glass repeatedly.

Another way that people will try to get their waiter's attention is by reaching out their hands to actually touch them. That is so not cool. I do not want to be touched by someone I don't know unless of course we are in a situation where that type of behavior is expected and appreciated. At a bar or spouse-swap party? Yes. At work? No. If I am at another table taking an order and I feel someone tapping me on the shoulder only to turn around to see the dickwad from table 102 standing there and asking for another piece of bread, I will not be happy. No touching.

Yelling my name is also unacceptable but very rarely happens to me because of one simple reason: I don't tell people my name. All that happens when you do that is they use your name over and over again. It gives customers a false sense of camaraderie and the misleading idea that I care and that I want them to use my name. I don't care. Or want them to use my name. And unless they are going to introduce themselves with a "Hi, my name is Bitty McBitchBitch and I will be dining in your section today," I will not be telling them my name.

Let us review. If you are in need of your server and want his attention, just give him a look. If you can't successfully interpret the look I wrote about before, then just try this instead. Look at your server. When he catches your eye, smile a bit, thrust your chin forward a bit and raise your eyebrows. Try that right now. And do it again. You see how easy it is? With this simple exercise, you will guarantee a full glass of water every time you need it. Congratulations.
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10 comments:

Naseem said...

Catching the servers eye is the best way to get what is needed. Just as much I don't like being touched by strangers neither do the servers. People forget that...A lot.

iheartmyhubby said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog! I am glad to know that I have always employed your method catching a server's attention. The head tilt + eyebrow raise has always done the trick, and then I add in "when you get a moment" after my request just because I always feel rude asking them to bring me something.

purplegirl said...

I don't tell people my name for the same reason--I have to wear a name tag if they really are that interested, although I think it mostly gives me an excuse to look at my tits. When people ask my name I'll tell them, of course, but it's always a bad sign.

dirtydisher said...

You mean standing up, shaking an empty glass, yelling "NURSE!" while pointing at your dick and looking at your buddies and laughing isn't the correct way to get service? Hmm. But, but, but, that guy tipped me a quarter.

LW said...

I also fond it quite annoying when you are walking straight to a table and making eye contact with them, and instead of waiting for you to reach their table they shout out what they need or shake an empty glass. Do they think I'm messing with them and will turn away from their table at the last minute without checking on them?

dirtydisher said...

LW, oh, yeah, THOSE people. Ukkk. You just hope they read sites like this and get a little class.

nativenapkin said...

Once when I was bartending at a very busy club with people 4-deep at the bar, a guy way down at one end gives me the "Here Boy!" whistle. You know, the three short bursts normally reserved for Man's Best Friend. I was absolutely up to my ass in alligators, but dropped what I was doing and walked down to stand in front of him. I said "I am NOT A DOG. You are going to die of thirst in here if you do that again." I walked back to my well and continued working. I received a round of applause from the people waiting at the bar and $20 bucks from the guy's buddy sitting next to him.

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing the best method of getting a server's attention. i'm always worried i might be using the wrong facial expression, or that an upwards smiling head nod is in fact insulting, but thanks for the info bitchy waiter!

Anonymous said...

sounds like some great idea's... now, im waiting to catch her eye.... is 5 minutes an acceptable time to wait?

Anonymous said...

again, you think you're so charming that you may touch others, but you're hands-off and touching you will result in being ignored or food with spit? You really ARE so stuck on yourself that you think your shit does not stink.