Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Last Bad Tip of 2009
I wanted to write about my last crappy tip of 2009 so that I can finally put that horrid awful year to rest. A few days before Christmas, I went to work filled with the spirit of the holidays. At least I am pretty sure it was the spirit of the holidays but it may have actually been the vodka gimlet I had before work. Anyhoo. The show I was working ended up being much busier than anticipated because people were apparently too fucking busy to pick up a phone and make a goddamn reservation. On the books we had about 40 people but by the time the show started we were up to 94. That is a lot of fucking people for two servers to deal with. Remember, we have to take their orders and get them two drinks all within the course of a 70 minute show. Bitches, it's hard. We opened the room early so we could get a head start on orders. I approached a table of two people who were waiting for four of their friends. Of course they wanted to wait for them to get there before they ordered even though I was right there with pen and pad in hand ready to bring them their drinks. They wanted water as they waited and also an order of the hummus. Great. Water. I have 47 people to get cocktails for before the show starts and these asses want water and they want it now. Fine. I got the water and put the order in for the hummus knowing full well I had no time to prepare the food until the show started. Every time I walked by the table the man gave me this look. Palms upward, shoulders shrugging, chin thrust forward, brow furrowed. If you recreate those four actions simultaneously, you will know exactly what he was saying with his body language. He was saying, "uh, excuse me, but where is my hummus?" My body language was saying "I am ignoring you." The friends finally show up and he still can't decide what he wants to drink. The show is starting in five minutes and it would be very helpful if he could just pull his head out of his ass and ask for a Stella or vodka tonic. He says to me, "I am still waiting on the hummus" but he said the word "still" like it had three fucking syllables. I responded with "I know." He ordered a beer but wasn't sure what he wanted for his second required drink. He would tell me later when I would have to climb over three chairs and whisper in his ear while the singer was performing two feet away from him. Yeah, that's much better.
I eventually got his fucking hummus to him and his second beer came out right at the end of the show because he had waited so long to order and finish the first one. The bill for the six people was $173.43. He gave me $177.00. This asshole tipped me three mother fucking dollars and fifty-seven crappy ass bitch cents. I am sure he was basing his tip on the fact that I made him wait for his food until the show started and that his second beer came out late. Never mind that the other five people in the party had no issues whatsoever, he had to wait for his hummus and therefore felt it was okay to tip me 2%. I swallowed my frustration and shot him the evil eye. Mentally, I twisted his nutsack and moved on. I was not going to let this douche ruin my holiday spirit. Or my vodka gimlet buzz.
Moving on to 2010...