Grabby McGrab Grab

As servers, we have all been touched, grabbed, groped and fondled. It happened to me the other night when a lady grabbed my elbow as I breezed past her table. I guess she was so ready to order her cocktail, that her hand developed a mind of its own and flew out to my person and attached itself to me. I told her I would be right back to take her order, but what the grope did was effectively make her have to wait even longer to get her Pear Cosmo. Sometimes, we don't mind being groped but I find that it's only acceptable in certain situations and they usually involve drinking and/or being in a bar. I was perusing the internets the other day and came across a news item in Australia about a man who groped a waitress and they sent his grabby ass to jail for it.

The man was 63 years old and worked in the kitchen at some place called Whitebait. There's problem number one. Any restaurant named Whitebait is just asking for trouble. The waitress was only 15 years old which is another issue. Don't they have child labor laws down under, mate? G'day and all that but why the hell is a 15 year old waiting tables? I guess the man grabbed her ass and squeezed her 15 year old boobies and then tried to kiss her. Okay, gross. Listen, Pappaw if you want to make the skeezy moves on a younger woman, at least make sure it's a woman and not a little girl. And then he tries to blame the girl for acting in a "lustful, self-gratifying manner" and forcing him to act on the spur of the moment. What an antique douchebag. They sent him to jail for six months and in Australia, that's like two years because of the different time zones and every thing. And while in jail all he gets to eat is Vegemite sandwiches and shrimp that came from the barbie. And yes, my whole knowledge of everything "down under" is based on Men at Work songs and Crocodile Dundee.

The point is, we don't want to be grabbed (unless we are drinking). We don't want to be groped (unless we are drinking), demeaned (unless we are drinking), or hit upon (unless we are drinking). Customers who reach out and touch a server are looking for trouble and I just want to put it out there. If you grab a server you might just go to jail for a really long time. Or at the very least you will have to wait five extra minutes before I bring you your cocktail. So think about that the next time. Five minutes is a long long time when you are ready to be drinking. And once you start drinking, you will feel more comfortable in case you yourself are groped.