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Monday, February 22, 2010

Bloody Mary Whine Bag

It's been a while since I had a real bitch in my station that made me need to vomit out my feelings about her, but last night she slid into booth number one. I only had one nerve when I got to work and that bitch had to get all up on it. She was wearing a lot of make up, like Tammy Faye (may she rest in peace) levels of make up. And she was wearing a black top that had sequins on it. It may have had some feathers around the collar too. I'm pretty sure it did, but I already tried to erase her image from my memory and parts of last night are gone forever. The loss of memory may or may not have something to do with the alcohol that was consumed after work; not sure.

"How's the the Bloody Mary?" she asked, when I queried about her cocktail of the evening.

I acted like I have tasted one before and said that it was delicious. They get ordered all the time and no one ever returns it, so I assume they're good. People really think I have tasted every cocktail on the menu? What do they think I am, a fucking alcoholic who sits around at work and drinks every night? Okay, maybe they do know me, but I have never tasted a Bloody Mary because that would involve a vegetable serving and I try to avoid those at all costs. I brought her Bloody Mary and later on when it was time for the second drink, she whispered to me that the Bloody Mary was awful and she would have a Cabernet instead. Fine. I don't give a shit.

After the show, she called me over to again let me know that the Bloody Mary was horrible. "Oh, I'm sorry, I said. And I was sorry she didn't like her drink because I knew it was expensive. "A lady over there had two and she really enjoyed them."

"Well, it was horrible," she said as she rolled her eyes to the back of her head.

"I guess it's a subjective opinion then. I'm sorry." End of story, I thought.

"No, I'm a bartender and I know. There was no vodka in it. It was just tomato juice and horseradish."

She was wrong of course. I know for a fact that it had vodka in it. I watched it being made and we don't leave liquor out of drinks. We just don't do that. I gave her the check and she looked at the $45.73 total and gasped. "Is the tip included?"

"No, ma'am."

She shot me this look that said, "Are you freakin' kidding me?" She gave me a twenty dollar bill and a credit card and told me to put twenty to the check and the balance on the card. So I took her credit receipt back to her with a total of $25.73 on it and she looked at and grunted. "No, I wanted to put twenty in cash and then the balance on the card!"

"I did that, ma'am. Twenty dollars cash plus $25.73 totals $45.73, does it not? I believe that is the total of your check, correct?

She looked at it again and then snorted out, "Fine!" Like she was doing me a fucking favor. Look lady, I didn't fucking invent math. Do I look like Pythagoras? Pay your bill and shut the fuck up.

On the way out, she of course had to let the bartender know that the Bloody Mary was horrible and that she was bartender and she knows best and blah blah blah. I don't get what her deal was. If she didn't like the drink she should have fucking told me. The lady at the next booth sent her drink back and had more juice added (because we did pour liquor into her drink). I hate when people complain after it's too late to do anything about it and they won't accept an apology and they just keep bitchin' about it.

This lady was a windbag. A big gassy bag of wind that had Bloody Mary and Cabernet breath and was rocking a black sweatsuit looking ensemble with sequins and fucking feathers. 'nuff said.


Anonymous said...

"I didn't invent math!" I love that part! I'll have to use that sometime! As for the rest, I completely agree. I had a guy who's burger was not well done today, he didn't want me to have it cooked up, didn't want us to make him a new one, didn't want me to get rid of it so basically he just picked at it with a scowl on his face and then wanted the check. I couldn't do anything to please him. I didn't take it off the check because he ate half of it and didn't want me to take it away. Then the fucker stiffs me. Not my fault! Kitchen fucked up, I tried to fix it but he wouldn't let me! That just pisses me off!

Glen said...

I do like a person whose commitment to not eating vegetables extends to drinks, it shows a real dedication.

As a customer, what is the optimum time to send back a burger so that you can enjoy the replacement burger, having already enjoyed eating a significant amount of the first?

Cynthia said...

It seems as if the "lady" figured if she bitched about the drink enough, it'd get taken off her check.
Especially since being a "real bartender" and all - her expertise didn't work for her that day.
Or the sequins and feathers.
Some people are just douches.

Noelle said...

I blame the chains for allowing complainers to receive compensation for nothing.

I have a regular customer complains about how his steak is cooked. Every time he is in. The wife admits he's not happy unless he is complaining.

I plan on standing at his table until he cuts into the middle of that perfectly cooked steak. I'm going to look for a nod and when I don't get one I am grabbing the plate and having another cooked immediately. Then the end of the coddling with this joker.

LordSomber said...

Cabernet breath? No wonder she thought it tasted bad.

A bartender buddy has people come in often, take a sip of their drink, make a face and say, "This doesn't taste right!"

His reply? "Did you just brush your teeth?"

A: "Oh... yeah actually I did."

Anonymous said...

This is for glen, I don't know if that was a joke or u were being sincere. Anyways, I'm always willing to answer customer questions because it makes my job easier. The proper time to send something back is when your server does what we call a "2 minute checkback" so if you're picky, as soon as your server drops your food off, actually look at it to make sure its right and if u have something cooked to temperature then cut into the MIDDLE of it. So when your server comes back, if there's a problem we can fix it promptly. Don't wait until we have asked 2 or 3 times or when we drop the check off to finally mention it wasn't to your satisfaction.

Glen said...