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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow Day


There is a fucking blizzard going on outside my apartment right now and people across the eastern seaboard are celebrating the wonder that is Mother Nature. That bitch done graced us with a snow day today. Thank god I work at a place where management can see a blizzard and think, "Oh fuck that shit. Nobody's gonnna drag their asses out of their apartments to hear a cabaret performer. Closed" This, as opposed to those managers who will insist on keeping a restaurant open so that you can sit at work for eight hours pouring coffee to the sad sacks who didn't have anyplace else to go and you walk with five dollars for the night. Waiting tables when the weather is bad is so fucking lame. How many times have you been working in a restaurant when it's pouring rain, flash flooding and tornado watching and the only people who come in are the same people who won't leave because they think they will melt if the raindrops keep falling on their heads. It's maddening. And with winter comes heavy coats. I fucking hate them taking up room in my station. When people ask if they can just leave their coats in the booth next to them and just move them if someone wants to sit there? No, just keep your fucking coats on, asswipe. At my job now, we even have a free coat check to help customers with this issue, but people still let them get in my fucking way. And then I can't squeeze my skinny ass between the seats because Mary Ann Moneybags has her fur fucking coat all spread out over three different chairs. She can afford a fur coat but doesn't want to take advantage of the free coat check and give the coat check girl dollar? I hate when people let their coats get in my way. God help the sleeve that falls on the ground because I will step on it. Several times. Umbrellas are a whole nother story. What about those bitches that come in to a place and then shake out their umbrella? Or they will want to open it and leave it in a corner so that it can dry out. Why the fuck does it need to dry out before you carry it back into the rain, lady? Put the umbrella in your stroller and then stuff them both up your poochy hole.

Obviously, I have some weather issues. I must take advantage of this free day off and go share my blissful attitude. I plan on hitting a bar for happy hour this evening so that I can do my part in helping those servers who did have to go to work tonight. I see it as my duty. I will tip them well in gratitude for venturing out in the great blizzard of 2010. And in the course of thanking and tipping my server, I shall get shit faced drunk. Happy snow day, bitches.
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6 comments:

JumpIt said...

ugh, I was hit too with all this snow. I have over 2 feet of snow and it's STILL coming down. I didn't have work, thankfully, but tomorrow I will and god knows if everything will actually be clear in time. I have a truck so it doesn't matter, but I'm not going to sit around for hours twiddling my thumbs while no one comes in.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Coats on the floor where I work is common. We have those chairs that do not have a straight back so it is impossible to put a coat neatly around the chair cause for sure it will fall off and get stepped on. Enjoy the night off.

No L said...

I once was hostess during a tornado warning. Siren going off the whole bit. We had no basement or storm shelter. So I warned dinning patrons continue eating at your own risk. All chose to finish. New guest comes in the door storm sirens blaring. My same spiel "we have no storm shelter dine at your own risk."
Guest, "Oh is that what that is?" Duh. Business as usual. The gall of some people.

dirtydisher said...

LMAO @ "poochy hole."

escrow said...

How's that hangover?

mellie said...

I used to wait tables at family type restaurants, and it has been my experience that the worse the weather, the more people would come in. Why is it that every time it rains, every woman in America forgets how to freaking cook?? But the funniest thing was how people would leave their umbrellas behind. Didn't all those water droplets hitting them in the face tell them something??